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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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UnluckyInLove

Rant...

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WHY. Why did it have to become an "icky" thing in the eyes of our society to be in love with and/or marry your cousin?? This is 2015. Same-sex marriage is legal, so why are cousin marriages still illegal in a lot of our states? Why won't the media plaster the facts everywhere and educate the public that their thinking is false when it comes to cousin love??

I was in a group tonight and cousin marriage briefly came up and was ridiculed and joked about being something that uneducated people do. I wanted to sound off about how actually, they are the uneducated ones! It wasn't the right time or the right place and would not have been well received. But it frustrates me so much.

If it wasn't for society making this an issue, if I had known that it wasn't illegal to have feelings for my cousin, I would have WAITED and kept hoping and maybe would have found a way someday to be with him. Maybe he would have wanted to be with me too. But I will never know because the pressure of complying with societal norms is a very real thing.

So some of us are just out of luck where this is concerned. I just want the cousins couples on here to know how truly, sincerely happy I am for you..... Please never forget how amazingly blessed you are.

Even if I was single......it was made clear tonight by this group that a future would never be possible for me and the man I have been in love with since I was 14. I have no more hope. My heart is completely broken...  :cry:

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You didn't say how old you are. I remember being 17-18 and having lots of friends. Funny thing, as soon as each one got married, they disappeared! And the nerve! They never asked me my opinion if they should be with whomever or if they should get married. They didn't ask me anything.

Can you believe that!? They married without even asking me! And poof! Like a puff of smoke, they moved away or joined the rat race.

If you do any less (marry the one you want!) you are a fool. Who cares what people might say? You are right, they are just ignorant. Are you gonna let these Neanderthals tell you what to do with your life? I had rather jump over the ledge. Life isn't a rehearsal. You got one shot at this.

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A part of the group I was referring to were his family, not just his friends. He seems to be of the same opinion as the group. That is what tears me up inside.

I am 27 years old. I'm married. It is a miserable marriage and has been for the past few years (especially this last year). I am committed to making it work until/unless we both come to a point where it is no longer possible. We have a child.

It is too late for me. I am lamenting because I was so ignorant as a young teen, so naive to believe that I had to accept the norms of our society. Because I used to be this way, it never once occurred to me to research *why* cousin relationships were no longer acceptable in our culture by the majority. I thought it was illegal, I thought as a 14 year old girl that there was something wrong with me! That I was messed up, perverted, etc. etc. I don't even remember being taught that it was "wrong". I just grew up knowing it was just something you weren't supposed to do and so I never questioned it.

The man I love is 35. I thought maybe he might be in love with me too, even though it's irrelevant at this point in my life. But even though I knew the likelihood of us having a future together was slim to none at best, there is something about finding out that there is zero chance anything will happen even if I am available again one day. It is the type of heart break that you cannot ever quite prepare for, although I did try.

I can't talk to anyone about this. No one around me would understand. The only thing it would do is open a can of worms that I am not fully prepared to deal with yet. So I had to let all of this out here and I hope that is okay with everyone.

Finally getting to talk to people about this has been so very healing for me. So thank you for your reply. I welcome as many as any of the wonderful people on this site are willing to offer.

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