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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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MrClassified007

Is it better to keep feelings repressed or to tell the truth?

15 posts in this topic

Hello everyone!  :cheesy:

This may go on for a while but I would really appreciate some much needed advice and feedback. :azn: I am in my early twenties and have been going on a family holiday with my two cousins and our parents every year for the past five years. We knew each other when we were little but I would like to think I have only known them properly these past five years. What started out as a harmless crush on the youngest cousin (we are near enough the same age) has developed into deep feelings and I believe that I am in love with her.

It has reached the point where I can't stop thinking about her and even though I have her contact on various social media platforms, I cannot summon the courage to say anything. These feelings have been building up and  

intensifying for so long. I only get to see them during our holiday each year so I am making a promise to myself that in 2016, I will make a choice of telling her in private or to just keep pretending I don't feel anything for her on a deeper level which would be a lie. That of which I doubt I can keep up and I'm fairly certain she knows I am fond of her. I feel it would have to be face to face.

One part of me says I shouldn't feel this way and that acting on these feelings would not do anything positive for my family. The same part of me says she may well stop communicating with me all together if I tell her the truth and she'll find it uncomfortable.

Now the second part tells me that we get on really well, I'm certain that she has flirted with me on numerous occasions and that she would be understanding of my feelings. Also, how can I be ashamed and apologise for how I truly feel? I didn't ask for it to happen. She's beautiful, intellectual, amusing and just a joy to be around. I just fell for her. I'm not expecting us to get married or anything but it would be a massive psychological weight off my shoulders. If she didn't end up hating me that would be a plus.

Lastly, I was going to come clean to my parents about how I feel about her. Do you think that is a wise idea? :huh: So, hold the feelings back for another year or man up and say something? (for better or worse) I just feel so conflicted! :undecided: (thanks for reading!)

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you didn't mention how old you are or why you're only able to see each other once a year at holidays. to me, the infrequency of your time together would be the biggest reason to be cautious. if you do tell her, will you be able to do anything to change your situation?

as for your parents, i would see where the relationship is going to go (if anywhere) before telling your folks.  they don't need to know everything, and family interference is probably the hardest obstacles for cousin couples to overcome and survive.

now, how to tell your cousin. again, how old are ya'll? one way to break the ice is when she flirts with you, tell her that being a cousin doesn't make you immune from her charms. or you might just say something like the old traditional line 'if you weren't my cousin, i'd (kiss/date/marry) you in an instant, and gauge her reaction.

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Regarding the age, I am 24 and she is 23. Oh, they live a fair distance away from us and they are very busy so they are hardly ever in but we did cycle round a couple of months back. Unfortunately she was at her university at the time so I never saw her :( (I always dread the end of our holidays because I know it will be a year until I see her again) Her uni is in London which is near me but I don't want to intrude on that side of her life.

Hopefully we could meet up more if she understood how I felt about her. That's what I am hoping for. That's true about the family obstacle. I don't think mine would be too bothered but not sure about hers. I get on well enough with her older sister, mum and dad. Worst case scenario is I am banished from ever seeing her ever again I guess lol :shocked:

That's a handy question to use. I'll have to remember that one. Would be curious to hear her answer and see her reaction. Often thought I must be cursed because she's the best girl I've ever known and if it wasn't for us being related, I would ask her out on the spot. I think we're both conflicted as we both feel that it's not right yet at the back of our minds there is something there. I think we're both scared of admitting it. :lipsrsealed:

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hey just remember, SHE is the only one who can ever banish you from ever seeing her again. she's an adult. her family has no control over her decisions.

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(Sorry for the late reply)

I'm hoping it won't come to that! I think she'll be understanding come the moment of truth when I tell her. I'm just going to do it in private at the start of the holiday and get it over with. I tried to put it aside but I can't suppress how I feel for another year. It's driving me insane even now bottling it up. Only one close friend knows but I might tell one of my parents. They wouldn't hold it against me. They'll probably say to not act on my feelings but I can't keep this contained for the rest of my life. :shocked:

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Give it time man. This is why I didn't want to say anything to her by text or over a social media platform. I think it's better to say whatever you have to say face to face and deal with it right there and then. Anyway, she can't ignore you forever. Just give it time maybe she is still coming to terms with how she feels.

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hey mate hopefully goes well for you. i told my cousin how i feel about her a couple months back. even though she seems like she doesn't feel the same way with me, we are still as close friends as we have ever been. good luck 

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Heard the best news today that made my Christmas even better. We're going round on Sunday and she'll be there ^,^ I'm happy just thinking about it! :P:D

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Had the most fun time round there tonight and got very drunk on cocktails in the process! It was awesome seeing and talking to her again. We made eye contact a lot, my heart always feels like it's in knots when talking to her. Turns out she has been seeing a guy for a while but it's not a shock considering how amazing she is. I'm happy for her.

Due to her commitments to uni, she might not be able to go with us on holiday next year which would suck but I would understand. I feel like I would be a bit of a dick if I opened up to her while she is with someone else though.

I keep telling myself she'll understand if I tell her. I would hate to have to do it via a message but looks like I won't be left a choice. I swear wanting to pour your heart out to someone has got to be one of the most daunting things to do. But it must feel so liberating afterwards. Back home and wishing I was still there making her laugh and seeing her smile. I'm so infuauted it's unreal. Love can really mess you up huh?

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My cousin told me about his feelings for me after seeing a pic on social media of me. Nothing distasteful in the pic. He called me up the same day I posed the pic and told me he had a crush on me and always has. I was traumatized at first and immediately hushed him with the "we can't do this we are cousins" phrase. We grew up together, walked to and from school together etc. as kids, and we're in our 40's now. We live several states away from each other, but I do travel to his town on business frequently where we usually have dinner or cocktails. I know he wasn't drunk when he told me because it was before 5pm and he was at work. It's been nearly 2 years since the incident, and I have begun to entertain the thought. My only issue with the entire thing is that the call came with some extremely provocative, sexual alluding (he was very forward). While I was freaked out, traumatized, flattered, and caught off guard, I was also saddened because I wasn't sure if the confession was purely sexual, if he meant it differently? I haven't said anything to him since this call, but I must admit I have thought about it and I have always been physically attracted to my cousin. I'm supposed to visit him next week, and this is the first time since he disclosed his feelings to me.

I'm not sure what I should say, what to do. I appreciate hearing the male perspective of how one might feel after disclosing his feelings. I'm just not sure how to respond. I can't really say I know him now, plus.............he's newly married which complicates things even more. Help!!!!! Thanks in advance.

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Nik, as a male I can tell u that he means business when he confessed his feelings.  Lets face it, why else would he take the risk, spend so much effort to confess to a 40 year old cousin just for sex?  Not worth the effort unless he really loves you.  I suggest you two sit down and discuss both your feelings and decide where to go from there.

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I actually never told my cousin I loved him and now he's married to somebody else. I only ever wanted him to be happy so I'll get over it, in time. I'm doing better every day. His mother hated me anyway so there were simply too many obstacles to the relationship even if the world could ignore the fact that we are first cousins.

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