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kc123

I need help

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I'm a 16 yo boy, and I'm in love with my 15 yo cousin, we live in a rather suburban area in the southwest, obviously the taboo is harsh and not accepting, anyways me and my cousin have been in love with each other for over a year, we are best friends and have been since we were little kids. But our family would not be accepting of this relationship, and would probably ban us from ever seeing each other again. The emotions we have for each other are way more than just friendship, obviously its hard to treat her like all my other cousins when she means so much more to me, our family has accused us many times of fooling around, but they never had any evidence, but I need help on what to do, how do we formally come out to our friends and family about our relationship? I want to marry her and live with her my whole life, what kind of judgment should I expect to get when we finally are open about our relationship? Please help! I feel like I can't tell anybody and I really need to get this off my chest... Thanks:)

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kc123,

I really wish you'd found your way here sooner, but, you're here now, so, here goes. You're going to get the broken record speech. Some of it you probably aren't going to like, but, if you'll pay close attention, I'll assure you, eventually, you'll be glad you did.

Before we get too far into it, let's have a little peek and get a general idea where you are. You (wisely) didn't get overly specific, so trust me, I won't either. But, being a mod has it's privileges, and I avail myself of them discretely often, only for the best interest of our members. Ok, I'm back. As I said, I'll not mention where you are, but I am glad I checked. You, my young friend, find yourself in one of the more cousin "unfriendly" States. Not what I consider one of the worst, mind you, but bad enough they WILL ruin you if you let them. First cousins having sex is considered a crime there, so, my broken record speech becomes even more important for you to follow going forward. I'm also going to take the liberty to edit your post so as it does not read as you somehow incriminating yourself. Sorry. That's just the way this mod rolls.

Alright, lets get down to the nitty gritty, shall we?

I usually start out with the school/education part, but, in this case, I'm modifying it. In your case, I'm going to STRONGLY advise you to put this on the WAY down low, and cut out any neeked shenanigans. As in NOW. I know the genie is already out of the bottle, but, it behooves you to follow my advice, at the very least until the two of you are of age, and can travel elsewhere on occasion if the need be so strong. Cool the jets, set her down, show her this thread, and explain why it's a must. Go here: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states , have a look at the State you're in, read carefully, and you'll see just why I'm telling you this. You do not want to needlessly ruin your lives at such a tender age. So, again, knock it off. Easier said than done? I'm sure it is. Of the utmost importance? I'll assure you it is. Do follow this part of my advice, if you take nothing else away from this. Put this on the WAY down low, stay friends, build the friendship to where it is unshakable, and in the meanwhile, BOTH of you follow the rest of my advice.

Now, on to the schooling. Focus on your studies. If your grades are good, be sure this doesn't distract you from your work, and keep them up. If they aren't so good, put your energy into getting the grades up, and keeping them there. You're (both) going to want to be smart, and you had best be getting that way as fast as you can. Get high school out of the way, and get some college or vo-tech degrees/certs under your belts. Choose fields which interest you, and in which there is a broad demand. You're going to have to relocate. Start planning for it now. You aren't going anywhere with just a HS diploma. Start figuring out what you're going to do for a living that is broadly in demand.

Keep all of this on the down low as you plan your future. You do not need further suspicion and drama out of family than you already have. Hold your tongue. Actual legal trouble requires evidence or admitting to it. Don't put yourself in such a situation. The waiting will be the hardest part, but, I would like to see you wait until you are at least 20, and I personally recommend 22ish or so. Lay your groundwork. Get in a position to get independent, somewhere else. You can look at that link I posted, and you will see that there are attractive options ("green" States) bordering yours, and/or not terribly far away. Start looking at what professions are in demand in those places, and start preparing. Once you are in a position to do so, go for it, and don't let anyone stop you. You already have the inclination to spend the rest of your life with this girl. While teen romances rarely work out that way, it is usually a function of too much of some of the behavior you have described, it being discovered, and massive drama you do not need overwhelming any future chance of success. Don't let that happen. Get your heads screwed on right, take baby steps, lay the groundwork for the future, and THEN go for it.   

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Hawk is right - hard as it may be to follow his advice.

Also, you can come here to vent, ask questions and most importantly, get positive encouragement and support!!!!  That is what we are here for - to help!!!

HUGS

Nat

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