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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Need advice, relationship w 3rd cousin

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Hi everyone. July next year marks 4 years with my boyfriend, who happens to be my third cousin. Most of the family that does know have been fine, they dont see us as even related in their eyes. But at the same time i feel so alone when i need advice. If i talk to my partner he freaks out that im not okay with us. I can't talk to my friends or family because in all honesty i do feel weird talking about it, its not exactly normal to most people, and due to the We live in a small town so we have had trouble with people who have found out and spread vicious things, i dont like mentioning it to people. Some people became so nasty that in our first and only pregnancy i suffered a stress induced miscarriage and have not been game to try again. All this time and my stress and fears do not seem to get any better, even though i do love him and dont want this to end. But the strain on us is huge. I thought id reach out on this page, because i need someone to talk to about the million and one worries and questions i have..

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Kylie123    0

First of all, I just wanted to say I am sorry you had a miscarriage.  Stress in any relationship is not healthy. Hopefully from this point on you can use this site to help relieve some stress and chat with others about your situations. I know personally I can relate to what you are saying. Having positive people in your life you can vent to is sooooo important. Best of luck to you and your cousin, and definitely feel free to keep posting!

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LadyC    98

please read the genetics information on the main part of our site. your family is right to not see you as really related. you may be tangled in the branches of the family tree, but biologically, genetically, you share as much DNA as you and i do.

i'm going to have to assume you're still very young and your high school days aren't so far behind you. and i assume that because i, too, am from a very small town. my husband and i went to the same high school. everybody knew we were cousins (much nearer of kin than you and your boyfriend) because he was so popular in school and all the girls tried to use me to get close to him. and yet when we got together, i was in my early 30's, and still lived in the same town, and nobody remembered we were related until we announced it on national television, on one of the most popular talk shows of the late 90's. my kids went to school with the kids of people i grew up with. nobody cared. nobody got cross-eyed about it. nobody talked about it. they just simply did not care.

so the nasty comments you're getting around town seem to be a situation where the school-yard bullies haven't finished growing up yet. the way to handle them is simple... quit letting it freak you out. educate yourself first, and then thumb your nose at the clueless idiots who have nothing better to do than gossip. knowledge is your friend. if you don't learn the facts about your relationship, it's going to fail. and if it fails because of your lack of knowledge, you have only yourself to blame.

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loli    0

Lurr here, made an account :) thank you for your support. Its so comforting to know theres a place i can turn to.

The miscarriage had a pretty big impact on me, it led to a discovery i have bipolar disorder. And you're a little bit right - high school was 7 years ago for me.

My partner deals easier than i do with all the stress, i am actually his second cousin relationship. The first one he has a 5 year old daughter with, and they didnt know they where related until she was born. His ex flew under the radar for the most part as she was older than him and didnt go to school with us, but you're right, we were in school together. Everyone knew us as best friends and some people knew we were cousins. We've known each other for 10 years. For a long while until i was corrected by an aunt who doesnt approve, i believed we were cousins by marriage. Our families didnt have anything to do with each other bar my aunt speaks to his grandmother and aunts here and there. Ive reas some stories on here and i know im blessed to have such a welcoming family. His family are great too. They never bring it up as they just see me as his girlfriend, the only time his nan ever mentioned anything was to tell me how much i looked like my grandmother and how she was her favourite relative lol

One of the most frustrating parts is, ive visited this website before and many others. I know the facts, i reasearched alot  and i am aware we are genetic strangers, and i know everything is perfectly fine. But for some reason, the people who cast judgement seem to think we are first cousins instead of the third (i think its third once removed? Not too good with that) so when they spit venom they like to add a rather large "kids will be mutants" edge to it :( so if anything does happen to our future children through other causes, the horrible people will say its because we are related.

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