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rtorres07

How do we tell our parents we're in love?

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My name is Rosa & I'm looking for some advice on how to tell my mom that I'm deeply in love with my first cousin...

Five years ago me and my first cousin started something that its gotten out of control... Im 20 years old so is he. I was born in the Dominican Republic there for I had family I hadn't met; in 2010 my uncle's ex wife whom I call my aunt brought her kids for vacation to DR to spend some time with us, I was only 14 at the time & so was my boyfriend now (( whos my first cousin)) and i couldn't speak english so it was really hard for us to communicate but somehow we alwaya did. Me and mauricio got really close during the weeks that we spent together as family & it just so happened one day we kissed. After that day i never felt the same always looked around for what me & him had & I guess so did he; the day arrieved where he had to come back and keep on living his life. I had a really hard time coping with what had happened because in my eyes was so wrong... little did we know few months after my visa papers would come through and I'd be coming to the United States soon in hopes of him being happy i gave him a call but no answer all i thought was "we both made the wrong decision move on". I still tried to keep in contact with him but he pushed me away so i let it go. Its wasn't until a few months ago i received a message saying he wanted to apologize to me for the way he treated me when i tried to keep in touch, i didnt want his apology i was just so happy to see that after 5 years we had talked again. I didnt think any of it until our conversations got really serious he told me that he still loves me & i realized i never stopped loving him. We both made lives of our own he has two beautiful kids & was going through a lot with the mother of his children. Today my aunt ((His mom)) came up to him and told him she knows we're together. Hell's breaking loose for me, Im not ready to face the fact that we might not be able to be together.

Our family would never allow it & we both know they will do everything and anything in their power to keep us apart. I dont wanna leave him, he's caring, he's loving, he listens to me, he's just the light in all this darkness im in & i dont want anyone to take that away from me. We've talked about running away together but he obviously has responsibilities to take care of....

I dont know what to do. Should i let it go? Someone help out please!

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rtorres07,

Your biggest issue at hand is his current relationship with the mother of his children. If it isn't completely over and settled, you need to back off until it is. You don't mention where you are, and I won't either. We stay anonymous here, and I do my best as a mod to see to it. (* see p.s.) Anyhow, where you are, (provided my look-up is correct, and it's pretty good) it's perfectly legal for you two to have whatever relationship you choose, up to and including marriage. So, that takes away the "cousin" issue as far as custody/visitation of his kids is concerned. BUT, that needs to be settled first, and you don't need to be the issue, cousin or not. You both cool the jets, and let him get to a point he's fully available. Unless he's already fully out of this relationship with her, you're the third wheel.

If and when that happens, it doesn't matter what your family says. Legally, they can't keep you two from seeing each other, and in the US, the law is the only thing that can physically keep you two from being together. Well, other than if you live under their roof, they can keep it from happening there, and put you out from under their roof if they don't agree with it happening elsewhere. Big whoop. You need to be out and independent anyhow, as far as I'm concerned. I always recommend getting at least a two bedroom place, which, with kids, would mean at least a three bedroom place. One bedroom for him, one for you, and at least one for the kids. Everyone has their own space. Keeps up appearances for nosy ex-s and family, and gives everyone their own space. When the kids are elsewhere, the actual sleeping arrangements are NOT for public consumption. They only know for sure what's going on if you tell them what's going on, and at 20 years old, it ISN'T any of their business, no matter if they think it is or not. They get their life to run and make the decisions in, not theirs AND yours. A lot of people don't get that, but it should be made clear.

Feel free to bring him here and show him this thread. Feel free to go here: https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states and print off the information for the State you are in, to pass out amongst the drama queens. Let them know there is no legal leg to stand on in keeping the two of you apart or the kids away from him. Beyond that, tell them nothing of the actual physical nature of your relationship. It's none of their business...... 

Having said all that, and posting it, I realize I didn't really answer your initial questions. So, since you're not the first to ask by a long shot, there happens to be a couple stickies on the subject. They are here: https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2483.0.html and here: https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1444.0.html

p.s. You are a little less anonymous than I usually like to see, BUT a few others here are less anonymous, it's legal where you are, and if you're comfortable, we're comfortable. And, really, so what if someone you know does stumble upon this? Do as I've advised, and what can they do? Blackmail you? Not really, you tell them to mind their own business. If they read this, I've said it, and if they should be foolish enough to post their rantings here, I'll tell them directly. THAT wouldn't be a first either. I've done it before, and would revel in doing it again.  :wink:  :grin:

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From my understanding its thought between them its just been hard because now i feel like hes backing up, i dont get it.. Thanks for the advice though it helps a lot  :cheesy:

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rtorres07,

Well, if he's backing up, it's probably because of BS drama out of his Mom or someone in the family. He's old enough to not put up with it. He needs to step up and nip it now, before he finds himself without you, choking on her apron strings.

You need to let him know that there is no legitimate reason the two of you can't be together. All he has to do is put his foot down and not accept any grief or drama over it. If he still won't grow a set and stand up to them, then, as hard as it is, you may have to move on. If YOU have no stomach for their BS, that may as well include YOU moving somewhere else, without him, or them, and fully starting over. You may hold out hope for a while, but don't waste your life waiting. And, if you do move on and find someone else, DON'T GO BACK if at some point in the future he changes his mind. These things are all about timing. For me and mine, when we were your age, we were still too young, walked away, and the timing was never right again. Now, it never will be. We're good with that, but, looking back, we do realize if we did have it all to do over again, we would have handled it differently. That doesn't necessarily mean we'd be together, just that we would have probably given it a chance. And, had we given it a chance, odds are we would have made it. But, water under the bridge and all that. Too late now. 

I do know, that if we had been 22 instead of 20, by then, I was considerably more nervy, and I would have maybe not pushed her, but dug into the reasons she was scared, and let her know I would handle the drama. By that age, I was fully in "if you don't like it, take a big flying kiss outta my backside" mode, and everybody knew it. That made for some bad decisions on my part, but everybody let me make them, and let me pick myself up and dust myself off when I fell on my face. It made me a lot smarter in the end too.

Maybe you can wait on him to get to that point, but, I'll tell you right now, don't wait too long......

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