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Keeping my feelings a secret from her is really getting me down

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(This is following up on a previous topic of mine)

Hi everyone again. It may be down to the fact I saw her again recently but she's been on my mind much more than usual and yet apart from posting on here anonymously (which I am so very grateful for by the way) I cannot confide in anyone else without being subjected to the braunt of insults, ridicule and taunts. I have bottled up these emotions for five long years and I feel so conflicted on whether it's a wise decision to act on my feelings or not. It's making me feel quite depressed actually. She is with someone at the moment so I would feel guilty about coming out now but she was was playing with her hair, sitting towards me and smiling and laughing a lot when I saw her the other day. Maybe I am merely grasping at straws and creating a fantasy in my head. Love can do that to you I guess. I refer to this as love as if this was a harmless crush, I would have forgotten about it years ago. Even when I have been with other girls, I have been thinking of her. I feel so messed up. Where do I start regarding writing out the phone message to her? It feels so daunting, I think I might have to be drunk to go through with it.

She's the most beautiful girl I've ever known, inside and out. The decision to tell her might backfire but at least I won't be left with this endless longing. No matter how much I try to suppress these feelings, they remain. I remind myself I'm human and I can't help it if my heart feels this way and that I shouldn't feel guilty. I don't know what to do :(


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