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leafoflove

Trying to figure out my relationship to my cousin

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Hello everyone. I just found this site yesterday and it's exactly the kind of safe haven I've been looking for to discuss this kind of thing. I want to eventually share my story here, but first I would like to see if anyone could help me with figuring out what my relationship to my cousin is. So here is the break down, my grandmother on my mom's side has a sister (I'm guessing my great aunt) and my cousin is her daughter's daughter. Does that make sense? Here's another way just in case:

Me -> Mom -> Grandma -> Grandma's Sister (Great Aunt?) -> Grandma's Sister's Daughter (My Aunt) -> My Aunt's Daughter (My Cousin <3)

So I think she's my second cousin but I'm not sure. I've gotten confused by some trees and think maybe I messed up and she's actually my first cousin once removed. If any one could help I would greatly appreciate it :)

-LeafOfLove

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the grandmothers are sisters, the moms are first cousins, and you and she are 2nd cousins i think, if i'm reading that right. the COMMON ancestor (the one you both share) would be your great grandparent, who should be the same great grandparent she shares. is that right?

if you were first cousins once removed, there would be an uneven number of steps to the common ancestor. to illustrate, i am married to my first cousin once removed. in our lineage, the common ancestor was named mattie. she was my grandmother... but she was mark's great grandmother.

another illustion, my mother and mark's grandmother are sisters. it looks to me that in your case, your grandmother and her grandmother are sisters. is that right?

i see you're online, but i can't respond right away if you see this. i'm on my way out the door.

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Ahh I see now. Our grandmothers are sisters so that makes us second cousins. Your mother and your husband's grandmother are sisters which makes you guys first cousins once removed. That's a great explanation. Thanks for taking the time to answer right before you headed out. :)

-LeafOfLove

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leafoflove,

And, your Grandma's Sister's Daughter, whom you have listed as "Aunt" is actually your Mother's first cousin, making her your 1st cousin once removed, not Aunt. Meaning, as LadyC said, the primary relationship horizontally on the family tree is first cousins, between her Mom and your Mom. You are "one generation removed" from that level, hence, 1st cousins once removed, or as abbreviated around here, 1C1R. 

Don't feel too bad about it though. Me and mine are second cousins. Our Grandfathers were brothers. Our Mom's have a male first cousin by our Grandfathers' youngest brother. We started out calling him "Uncle" ______ ____, probably 30 years ago or so, just busting his chops, trying to make him feel old, basically just pulling his chain. Well, it ended up sticking. And, in the process, his son calls Mom and Cuz's Mom "Aunt". Mom and "Uncle" ______ ____ were only children, and Cuz's Mom may as well have been. (She had a several years older half-brother) Growing up, they were a lot like siblings. Actually, they still are. They drive each other crazy at times, LOL. So, depending on how close the family is, at least in our case, it isn't really unusual to sort of blur the lines like that.....

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Ohhh ok. Now this whole relationship tree makes a bit more sense. Ok, so now see if you can solve this riddle for me. Lol. My second cousin has a son who refer's to me as uncle but technically I'm not. :)

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leafoflove,

Funny you should say that actually. "Uncle" ______ ___'s son, who calls Mom and Cuz's Mom "Aunt", has a daughter and son. I've not spent so much time around the son, but the daughter, when she was young, was flower girl in my last wedding. She's grown into a charming young woman, and, having the history, calls ME "Uncle"_____. So yeah, don't feel too bad about it, take it as a compliment, and the term of endearment that it is....

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but technically, your second cousin's son would be your second cousin once removed :)

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and hey, i have two daughters, now 28 and 29 years old, who have ALWAYS called my cousins (and second cousins and everything in between) their aunts and uncles. it just made more sense to them because of the age difference!

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^^^ Yup, what LadyC said, and that they would do that isn't surprising, at least to me. The young lady mentioned does that with me, and, I'm relatively sure the son does it with my brothers, who he's spent considerably more time with than I. I do see the lad on occasion, but he's such a shy youngster, he's pretty quiet around me. I'm trying to remember if he calls me "Uncle" too, and have a feeling I may have heard him refer to me as such. He lives with his mother, but fairly close to his Dad, and spends considerable time with his Dad. But, his Dad only brings him to our private club on the rare occasion, such as after Little League games for a soda and such. Now that this has been brought up, I'll be sure to pay a little closer attention the next time I see him. :)

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Hmm that was fairly simple. Thanks guys! And don't get me wrong, I don't really have an issue with him calling me uncle. It makes sense, I just don't correct him when he only calls me by my first name. Lol I'm actually really close with him and pretty much take the role of father figure in his life since his dad is kind of a dead beat... but that's a line of conversation I'll hold off on until I post my story. Thanks again, LadyC and Hawk :)

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