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yukon2

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I in love with my cousin I want to have sex with her.  I don't know how to approach this .  We are very close but I don't know if she wants to go that far.  Should I just tell her how I feel or what.

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Knowing your ages will help in the advice you receive.

BUT if you only want your cousin for sex then you need to change your thinking.

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We are in early 60s I don't just want sex I just feel so good when I'm with her.  I am on here I guess to see if others also have feelings for their cousin.  From what I see on here I not so abnomal as I thought.  Any and all comments welcome.

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Well looks like you are definitely old enough to make your own decisions.

I will tell you like we tell everyone on here at first.   As long as your are both single, not married or in a relationship with someone else

then go for it.  You can always use the tried and true "if you weren't my cousin..." line.  Like if you weren't my cousin I would  date, go out with,

__________ ( you fill in the blank).  If she appears to be put off by the thought you have the out of saying "I said IF..."  Or she might say " yeah, too bad

huh?"  Then you can take it from there.  Tell her about this site.  Become FRIENDS first.   Don't rush or even mention the sex thing.

If she is put off then don't just give up.  You have planted a thought in her mind and believe me she will think about it.  You may not get the

answer you want or get any answer right a way.  That is ok.  Do not bring it up again, unless she does

You don't say where you are and don't have or you can be real general to location.  Read the facts pages on here.  Learn the information and have

it at your disposal.

Last of all, no you are not abnormal!!  It is perfectly fine to have feelings for your cousin.   I have been married to my second cousin for almost 12 years.

Best wishes.

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Thanks for the reply.  I'm glad I found this site. So far it has made me feel better about myself and my feelings.  And yes we are both unattached so thanks again

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Hinting is a good start, saying lines to her that will/should give her the hint is better than just coming out with it!

Good luck

nessa76

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yukon2,

As Romalee noted, you didn't mention where you are, and, at your ages, it isn't QUITE as much of an issue. As a mod, I can, (and did) have a little peek. Provided the index is correct, you are in one of what we call " the yellow States". https://www.cousincouples.com/?page=states 

The age varies, as do the conditions that prompt "yellow" status, but, as a rule, it means first cousins can't marry UNTIL they reach a certain age, somewhere between 50 and 65. In the State you are showing as being in, ( big wave, same one as I'm in,  :grin: ) the age is 50. I know this is WAY out in front of where you are in this deal, BUT, with you just now finding out the facts and perhaps breaking a few of your own long held stereotypes, you may as well know the legalities should this progress to such a point as you envision. First cousins having a sexual relationship is NOT considered criminal incest here. Oddly enough, one State where it IS considered criminal incest happens to be Wisconsin, which I consider to be about the WORST about it. But, if you clicked that link, you will note that it is also a "yellow" State, and after the female reaches 55 yrs of age, it is legal for first cousins to marry. Go figure. Gotta love a bunch of lawyers setting around thinking these things up, LOL.

Anyhow, enough of the legalities. You're good to go on that front. Now, as to how I see your situation. I'm not quite as old as  you, but I'm in my 50's and definitely nipping at your heels. I'm not with my cousin, nor shall I ever be, but, we're good with it. I have a GF that I can only hope shall remain my partner going forward, and she has a long term BF. We have no stomach for cheating and the drama that comes with it. We had our moment, and didn't go for it. Way too much water has passed beneath the bridge to go back now, where we are in our lives. That said, IF we were neither attached, I could see us in some sort of relationship. Would it be sexual? Yeah, probably, at some point, and on occasions. We've met. We do have a history, all be it brief, as to that aspect of it. At our age now, we'd be very hard pressed indeed to copy our "vigor" shall we say, of when we were 20, LOL. But, at our age, that seems fairly shallow to focus on, and the companionship would be every bit as rewarding. In as much as you have given us, I get the impression that's about where you two are, and, at least on your side, you would like to add another aspect to the "togetherness". Perfectly understandable, perfectly legal, and perfectly logical. Being my elder by a few years, I'm sure I need not tell you, none of us are getting any younger. However, it may not be a bad idea to remind her of that. I have a feeling that this plays into a part of what makes the age related "yellow" factor in these several States that have these age provisions. I'm sure the principal reason is the overblown assumption of the risks to any offspring of cousin couples, but, when that factor is removed, there is no logical reason left to prevent such relationships. Many of these lawmakers being in our demographic, most likely realize as we age, a relationship based on mutual love, respect, and companionship is every bit as important as the physical aspects that seem to inevitably play a disproportionate role when we are younger. I also think they realize there is sometimes a desire to "consolidate" to some degree any family wealth there may be, to where more acquired family wealth stays in the family as older members pass. Throughout history, and continuing today, where cousin couples are allowed, permitted, and even desired, that is one of the major considerations. We got away from the practice here in the U.S. back in the mid-1800s, for a myriad of reasons, but up to that point, that was a major consideration here.

As Roma said, the old "If you weren't my cousin, ______" line is pretty hard to beat in breaking the ice. Being you ages though, I'd be tempted to modify it. I would modify it to something like " Cousins aside, I could see myself spending the rest of my life like this" on one of your enjoyable times together, whether out and about, or over coffee, if that's how you spend time. You would know the time. It plants the seed, tests the water, and isn't quite so forward as saying " Cousins aside, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you." You go into that, or back out, depending on her response. If she says "Yeah, I've thought of that", you step it up with some facts. If she says "Yeah, but we ARE cousins", you back it off, but don't run away from it. You're plenty old enough to say something to the effect of "Yeah, but at our age, it's perfectly legal, and at my age, I don't really care what people think so much. Their opinion isn't relative to my happiness actually." Unless she just totally has a meltdown, (which I doubt) the first thing she's going to want to know is how you know it's legal. At that point, you may as well spill the beans, ask her to at least hear you out, and bring her to that link I gave you. From there, you show her the rest of the facts on the main page. Tell her that recently you've began to see her in a somewhat different light, thought you were crazy, so, you looked into it, and this is what you found. If it's beyond her comfort zone, that's fine, but you thought there was the possibility she might at least feel a little bit the same, and thought she should know how you felt, just in case she does feel the same. If she's still totally against the thought, you're a big boy, you can handle it. But, as we always mention, don't be surprised if at some point she doesn't come back and say "You know yukon, I've been thinking, and ......" Nothing ventured, nothing gained, so you may as well wade on off in it my man....

Good Luck, and let us know how it goes, if you will.   

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Dropped a little hint at breakfast today that I thought of her in a dream I had.  And her response was.  That's interesting was it good. We have to talk about it in more detail when we are by ourselfs. So I feel she is feeling like we may be getting closer than before.  She seems more open to talk it out.  Any thoughts or comments are more than welcome.

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If she's more open to talk about it, then talk about it. If you have a feeling she may bring it up, give her time to do so. My prediction is that she is going to bring it up by saying "So, tell me more about this dream." Good on you if you did have a dream, and brought it up, and brilliant on you if you didn't, and just thought up such a "lead-in".  :grin:

The "If you weren't my cousin" thing or my variation (or some version of your own that fits the conversation at the time) is as good a way as any to start. You want to have some sort of "disclaimer" to it, but you don't want to emphasize that part of it too much. You know there IS the issue of being cousins, but a "work-around" must be available, and you're looking to see if she thinks the same, and what her solution might be. Having found your way here, you already know the facts and what we think about it, you just have to fully wrap your head around it, and bring her along as you do....

If she gets nervous about it, talk about the weather. Sooner (probably) or later (for sure), she WILL bring it up. If in the meanwhile, you haven't let it be awkward, she will see the idea as less awkward than maybe she had thought. The less awkward or 'weird' it is, the less she will see the thought of it being awkward or weird.

Another thing you could do, is, start out with the "If we weren't cousins" line, see her reaction, (to which I'll bet will be somewhere between neutral and positive, tending to positive) and then say "Ok, well, let's google it..." You already know what your going to find, so, 'find' this place, and as you do, say "I guess we ought to see if it's even legal first, hehehe." or something like that. You're going to have to think on your feet, and roll with the flow of the conversation. So what, if in the process, you're actually steering the conversation? Just because you have already looked into it, doesn't mean you have to act like you have. It isn't going to hurt you to play a little dumber than you actually are on the subject.

And, I'm just tossing out some ideas here. You're the one who's going to be having "The Talk". We're not going to be there to hold your hand, but, at your age, it would look a little silly if we were. It may have been a while, but surly you've played the game. (Not that it's a game, mind you, but you know what I mean) The subject is going to come up. She's going to want to know about this dream. By the tone of how she asks is going to be your clue as to how you ease into the conversation. If she does so kind of 'sternly' or in a 'matter of fact' type of way, you ease in slowly. If on the other hand, when you are by yourselves, she does it in a 'flirty' way, like, "Sooooo, tell me all about this DREEAAAAMMMM of yours", you had better hang on, because you aren't going to need us to hold your hand. Like I say, you're going to have to play it by ear, and roll with it however it goes down. Either way, you could say "It was kinda different, us being cousins and all, but, it was pretty hot too. It was kinda blurry, but when I woke up I thought, 'That was different, I wonder where that came from' ". Would something like that work? Who knows, you're just going to have to wing it, without letting it get too far over the top, at least initially. Then again, if she asks in the second manner, it's liable to go over the top quickly. Be ready for that too... 

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Thanks for the reply.  I appreciate you comments. I think it will be a lot easier for me going forward

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Good, I hope we've helped. Do let us know how things turn out for you.

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