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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest ilovehim

Help please?

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Guest ilovehim

This is my first time posting anything, so hopefully I posted it in the right place.

Here's my story: I will say that I have liked my cousin for 6 years now.

So this is where everything gets pretty screwed up. When it comes to our family, they aren't so accepting. To start with, his mom is actually married to my uncle, which wouldn't be a big deal, except that she's also my aunt by blood. As in, my aunt and uncle are first cousins and they got married, so we already have cousin marriage in my family, (but they both had kids from previous marriages, not together). However, my family, specifically my uncle's siblings (including my mother) weren't very accepting of them to begin with, which makes it even more difficult for me, because my family is super against me being with him. Not that we've done anything, but just because they've seen us being close and sitting close to each other on a couch, I keep getting questioned about my relationship with him, if I have feelings for him, which puts me in a situation where I actually lie to my own family. Which I am not proud of, but at the same time, I feel they are very ignorant, for the fact that they use the genetics excuse as the main reason even though we have medical professionals in the family who should know better. That just really upsets me because I don't know what to do, or if there really even is anything I can do. But, that's getting ahead of myself.

I don't exactly know how he feels about me because we've never spoken about it, but since 6 years ago, when he held my hand for the first time,  there was a spark. And though the years have gone by and the spark fizzled away, the feelings didn't. Maybe we're both still immature, because to this day, every time I get to see him, we start out awkward, me feeling like it's wrong, trying to hold back and suppress my feelings, worried if our family might find out... until at some point, I just think screw it, and let myself feel for him again and let him hold my hand again. Let me say this though, all we've ever done is hold hands (intertwined fingers) and cuddle/hug. Nothing else. But now that we're older, I've been wanting more. This is where I get worried, because I thought guys are the ones who can't control themselves as much, but here I am, about to pounce on the guy every time I see him but he doesn't try anything except grabbing my hand and hugging me. So, first part of advice I would like is how do I get him to tell me how he feels, if we feel the same way or not, and to express his emotions to me.

P.S. we're both college age (him a year older than me) and from the U.S.


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well, you have a unique circumstance that most don't have, which could be to your benefit. usually we suggest the tried and true "if we weren't cousins" line to break the ice. but you could start out just talking to him about your annoyance at how the family still treats your aunt and uncle because of their marriage. be their voice of support, and see if he's supportive as well. and then from there you could gripe about how some family members seem to raise their eyebrows at you and ask you if you're feeling anything for him, and ask if he's had people attack him like that as well.

and then maybe you could say something along the lines of giving them all something to really talk about ;)

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