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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Danielle

Advice Needed

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I have a situation coming up March that I'm having trouble with. I am going to Florida to see my Mother and her neighbor is my Uncle. You see, my Mother has 2 brothers one of which has past (my Husband's Father) and her twin brother. The Brothers never got along and went years without speaking which was initiated my my Mother's twin. He and I have always been very close, but when he found out I was marrying my Husband, I know he did not approve. Once when my Mother was visiting when I was getting married, he called looking for her. When my Husband answered he was not pleasant with him. He did not mention anything but was rude. I have talked to him since and he was okay. His and my Mother's relationship has declined although she tells me it has nothing to do with me. Now my Husband is not going with me in March because he is needed at work but my Daughter  (who adores my Hubby) who is 25 will be going with me. I'm a little scared. My Uncle has 3 boys and a wife that I get along with but I don't know what to expect. My Mother is VERY supportive of me and has always been right by my side. Most of my friends know who my Husband is and are great. They have never made me feel anything but loved. So I guess this is the first time I have had to face disapproval which is part f life and nothing will ever change my mind about who I'm married to because the love we share is not like anything else I have ever known. I guess I'm trying to be prepared but don't know where to start. Maybe everything will be fine, but I don't want to come off defensive and trigger anything. Any advise would be helpful.

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well hopefully now he will be over his disapproval. if he's not, just ignore it. you don't need his approval!

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Danielle,

Don't be defensive, but, be prepared to politely stand your ground. If the family drama was initiated by this Uncle, there's no need to directly go into that, but, in standing your ground, and, standing up for your husband, you can certainly make note that the estrangement had nothing to do with your husband, and, it is quite unfair to take it out on him, and, by extension, you. Even if the issues were initiated by this Uncle, there's no need to throw that in his face. He knows who initiated it. He did. Not his brother, and not your husband. It would just seem a bit unfair to resent the next generation, who had nothing to do with the issues of the previous generation. I would try to head any of it off if I could though. If it even begins to become an issue, I would simply say "Look, the past is the past. What happened then was not our problem. He's a good man, he's very good to me, he makes me happy, and in the end, that's really all that matters. Besides, we're in the "No Drama Zone" now, so, we don't do drama."

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Thank You very much for you great advise. I'm feeling better already!

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