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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Nikkitv2

Please help

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My cousin and I have been dating for almost a year now and we are very much in love with eachother and he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I feel the same. The only thing holding me back is how to tell the rest of our family about us and I'm scared of what they may say. He says he loves me so much that he doesn't care and he wants to tell everyone about us. My question is what is the best way to tell our family?

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Nikkitv2,

There is a sticky thread by LadyC, one of our admins, about how to tell your Mom. Many find it helpful. I'll link it here: https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1444.0.html'>https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,1444.0.html . There is another one on how to tell your family I'll link here: https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2483.0.html.'>https://www.cousincouples.com/forum/index.php/topic,2483.0.html.

These will give you a general idea, or, at the very least, ideas to bounce around in molding your own versions based on your particular situation.

Before we go much further though, a little more information would probably be in order. As with any new member/first time poster, asking for advice, I, as a mod, and having the ability to do so, have a little peek to see where you are. I don't look for specifics mind you, just the Country or State where you are, to first determine if you may be looking at any potential legal issues. And, as I always say, you didn't mention where you are, so, I shan't either. All that said, provided my index is correct, in your country, it is perfectly legal everywhere for cousins to have whatever relationship they choose, up to, and including marriage. A good little bit of information to have in your "arsenal" of facts when you go to break the news.

Next, we would be curious as to your ages. Our advice varies WIDELY depending on this factor. If you are teens, living at home, our advice is going to be drastically different than if you are in your late 20's or beyond, and out on your own. For those in between, or in various other situations, our advice will vary accordingly. For example, if you are teens, still at home, and going to school, I will always advise to keep it on the down low, focus on your schooling, get smart, get out and independent, then, once you're at least of age, (and I personally prefer 22ish or so) go for it, and don't let anybody stop you. If you are in your 30's, (or older) out on your own, already in the relationship, then, hey, you're big boys and girls, go for it. How "in your face" about it is up to you, and what your comfort level and tolerance for drama allows. Get up to speed on the facts here: https://www.cousincouples.com/ (hit the "menu" tab and have a good look around) Copy anything you feel would be helpful. 

So, a little more info please, and any related back-story. Such as "We've been sneaking around, and people are starting to get suspicious" or "We've all but got caught, and people are starting to talk/making snide remarks". Personally, if you're of age, and everything else lines up, if it were me, I would just let "the visual" do the talking, or at least break the ice. I would just be seen together a little more often going forward. People being human, will sooner or later start getting nosy, and won't be able to do as they should, and mind their own business. When they ask, have the facts ready, and take them to school. It is THEIR option to accept them, or reject them. It matters not either way. The facts are still going to be the facts. It is not incumbent on you to modify your relationship based upon their reaction, provided you are not dependent upon them for your physical and financial support..... 

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We are in Canada and I just turned 18, he is 19 and we are planning on moving out together by the summer hopefully

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