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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Should I go to my cousin's wedding?

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Hello everyone,

I haven't been here in over a year, my username was "daughterofeve." My cousin and I had a thing (we were attracted to each other, fooled around a bit, then we both backed out and moved on) a couple years ago. I have moved on from all of that and I am now  in a really happy relationship with someone else.

The thing is, my other cousin, his sister, is getting married this summer. I am really happy for her and I've always been really fond of her, but I'm not sure if I should go to the wedding or not. On the one hand, I really want to go. I want to be there for her on her special day and it would be nice if everyone finally met my boyfriend. But on the other hand, things were kind of awkward last time I was there between me and my male-cousin. I also haven't told my bf about it and I'm not sure I want to. I know it's not good to keep secrets from the person you love, but I just want to pretend it didn't happen really. However, I am a bit worried that things will be awkward and I really hope my cousin won't try anything, though I doubt he will.

Anyway, what do you think? Would you go in my situation? (the wedding is also in another country, so there's also the cost of the trip to be considered, I suppose)

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If you want to go, go. I actually went to the wedding of my cousin/fiancé, which happened several years before we got together. I tried to persuade him to back out of the nuptials, to no avail.

As far as telling your BF about your cousin, that can be a delicate matter. If you are thinking this might be a happily ever after arrangement, you should tell him. It can be done in a light-hearted fashion. His reaction could be a tell-tale sign.

In my opinion, any occasion to travel is a no-brainier for me. Go. Have fun!

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daughterofeve,

On the other hand, if it's still too soon, and isn't within your comfort zone, send a nice card and gift if you feel the need, and use "the money's just too tight to travel right now" as a convenient, and at least partially true, reason for not attending. I know all about awkward. I also know that until you are absolutely certain it is within your comfort zone, you're well within your rights to avoid stepping out of the zone.

As far as discussing this with your current SO, I will agree with Serendipity. I've had to learn to not bring up previous relationships, so, as far as I'm concerned, why do it? If the topic of previous SO's does come up at some point, then, perhaps, gently, as Serendipity said, go into it. Other than that, if ex's aren't an issue, let sleeping dogs lie...

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