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love My first cousin mentions getting married after 15 years!

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I remembered a time today... the time when my first cousin mentions about getting married...  it was when after we kissed...

he said to me, "I wish I can find a girl who would give me free kisses."

I said, "Are you still looking for one? You know you can't just ask free kisses from anyone, or else you'll get slapped at. I can give you free kisses every time even without asking, it's okay with me."

then he said, " someday. my future wife."

" wife? its gonna take a long time before that. you should study first." I answered him.

he said. "15 years is just a short time. I want to get married immediately. Was that the kiss earlier? What a cliffhanger! I'm a grown up man already!"

"You want again?" I asked.

"Just a goodnight kiss." he said.

Then we kissed again, with tongue. that was a very passionate kiss for me. then after that kiss, he speaks about ending everything with me. he said that will be the last kiss. we should stop. that what we're doing is wrong. that he's not asking for a relationship anymore. that he loves me only as his cousin. all he's saying is breaking my heart. I was too naive. It was even more difficult for me to say how much I love him. I was a cowardice fool. I think what has just happened was a break up kiss.  :cry:

What does it mean? He's sending me mixed signals. And so confused with us up until now. It's been already 3 months ago when it happened.

but it still haunts me, and its been playing on repeat in my mind. Please help if you can comment or suggest anything, that would be a big help for me.

Btw, my cousin is 17. and I'm 21.

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  • Old Timer

Your cousin is a 17 year old boy (a minor, by the way, depending on which country you live in). Seventeen year old boys are usually emotionally immature. Your suggestion to him that he should get an education first was a very sensible one. As for his claim that he is "a grown man already", well he may be physically but I doubt he is mentally. I think you need to wait for him to mature before you entertain any ideas about forming a serious relationship with him.

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@Scorpion Queen: I know right. but he has already decided to end things with me. he said that I should give up hope. that he doesn't love me the same as I want to be loved. because he doesn't love me but only as his cousin. he said those things without facing me, with his back turned against me. like he's hiding something. there was even a time when I think he's going to cry so he covered his face with a pillow so I won't see that, I took the pillow and he still covered his eyes with his elbows. after that conversation he ended the affair with me. telling me that all he ever felt was just curiosity and lust. but, I don't want to believe that. Because I felt there's a connection for us, he just doesn't want to face it so he's turning his back.

@amelieadam: What are you a male or a female? I think we're sailing on the same boat here. I want my cousin to change his mind about not wanting a cousin relationship because my cousin told me the same but it got worst every time I try to confront it with him. He's saying that he doesn't love me. But I think its his own way to get out of it.

What did your cousin say to you? What's your story? Did you educate him about cousin relationships? Did you base any familiar stories that has happened to first cousins who ended up together? Because educating your cousin is the key to opening his or her eyes. I tried that with my cousin, and I did it twice. But don't let that discourage you, let's just pray that somehow in the later time our cousin will realize the possibilities and may change their mind. I read some cousins here happens to do the same also.

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  • Moderator


He is young, and he is scared. He is afraid to say those things while looking you in the eyes, because he knows, with you being older, you will be able to tell.

When I was 17, I started a relationship with a 23 year old woman. In all honesty, I should have married her. She would have been very good for me. She was very good to me, and she is still my family's favorite. They treated and loved all the girls I've ever been with the same, but she still, 30 some years later holds a special place in their hearts. But, I was young and dumb and ............everything that goes with it. I bounced between her and a girl about that much younger than me, and THAT became a trainwreck. It was after that, that me and my favorite Cuz had our "moment." It is obvious that much too much water has passed under the bridge for me and Cuz to repeat that now, and I'm too old to be looking for another wife.

He, on the other hand, has his life at his feet. I will tell you this though. He wants to (and, really, NEEDS to) "play the field." If he doesn't sow his wild oats, the day will come when he does. It will not be good for you, if you two are in a relationship when he does. Put this on the back burner, for future reference, and see what happens after he's had his heart broken a time or two.

You also know, that being where you are, you are looking at an uphill battle, and I'm sure he realizes this. If you are wanting to do this, marriage is NOT an option in your country. We do have a small handful of members from there who are in committed, long term relationships, with the understanding that they will never be able to marry. The drama out of family is usually as harsh or harsher than it is here in the US. The only place I can think of worse drama is in India. Where you are is a close runner-up. Bide your time, but if the day comes, be prepared to go all in, because there will be no going back once you do.

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That makes us 3. Although we have different ways of explaining it to you we all have the same point.


I don't know if I'm in the right place to give you advice, when you're way much wiser than I am but I know you will find that one person who will love you and stay with you till the end. It doesn't matter if you're young or old or if it is going to be your cousin or not. Love knows no age as long as you know how to love truly, you will always be young at heart. Sometimes things happen when we least expect them.

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