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Is the feeling mutual?

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I have had fuzzy feelings for my cousin Red (let's say that's her name) for the longest of time. I never really have entertained the thought. My mother confronted me about it when I was young yet I denied it. I considered myself a traditionalist, but what I seem to have to come to feel for her has overridden that. Especially as of the past 3 months, I often find myself thinking how much better the current situation I'm in would be with her around. I have looked over the relationship logically, & it seems sound. I find that she's absolutely perfect. Her personality works well with mine, & that's a very big shocker. An example: I held myself from dating my own best friend for 5 years because I didn't think it would work. My cousin comes along into the picture now romantically, & I truly believe we would be great together. I mean we already do, but I'd prefer something official. Something that let's me know she really does reciprocate my same feelings.

I have been a mature individual from a very young age. I am not really fooled by common day nonsense like everyone else. When I truly love someone, that's a rare sight to see. At my current age, I still have not had my first girlfriend. That is very surprising when compared to most people of my generation. I only would imagine myself dating someone if I deem it possible that I could end up having a future with this person. With that being said, Red brings me utter joy. She's absolutely wonderful. I have not met a person yet who treats me as kindly as she does. She listens to me, she cares for me, & values my opinion. She's loving & supportive.

Red's as old as I am, & these stories are in the same range of 2014-2016. My brother & I would sleep on a bunk bed when we would visit our cousins. Him & I on the top, & my father & his wife on the bottom. When the adults were still partying however, & we were tired, Red & my other cousin Blue would go on the bottom; my brother & I on the top. Last time though, Blue, Red, & my brother were on the bottom while I remained at the top. I'm an introvert & prefer only one other person as company at the most, so I tend to shy away. Red & I always held hands when it came to the bunk beds. I'd have my hand hanging from the side of my bed, & she would reach up. We'd keep at it until one of us fell asleep. She always fell asleep first. She asked last time if I wished for some company up there, & I replied "sure". She climbed up, we talked for awhile then my father & his wife came in to reclaim the bottom bunk. My cousins were escorted out to some other sleep area.

This past Christmas was spectacular except I was ill with a cold. I mostly laid on the couch covered in blankets watching Tv. Red would come along, lift the sheets, & take her place next to mine. One of those days, we put on a movie & cuddled. We played footsie a bit in the meanwhile. At some point, she just put her leg on top of mine, & I put my other leg on top of hers. A stack of sorts. I was so relaxed; for once in my life, my anxiety wasn't acting up. She just layed back on me, & I would lay my head on top of hers while I played with her earlobe. I almost fell asleep with how soothing it was. She didn't want to go when the movie was up.

She's a very needy figure, & I adore it. She wanted a password on my phone only her & I would know. I mentioned of how I texted Blue first about their arrival & she was a little jealous. She makes claims that she's my favorite although I've never established that. She confronts me if I ignore her texts or if I stay up any later after I had already said goodnight. She also states that any special treatment is exclusively for her & her only. I'm not much of a texter, & I found the many messages she sent annoying at first, but I miss it if she doesn't. I forget I'm needy too. Red takes many photos with my phone & I mean SEVERAL. I liked a few of them of her & I. People thought she was my girlfriend. I mentioned it to her, & she simply told me to roll with the story.

I could say more, but I believe this has gone on long enough. I just need advice on this subject. Should I confront her about this? Does it seem like she does feel the same way? All I know is I would deeply regret it if I didn't know for sure.

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Guest maquis

Hi BooWhoo, I enjoyed reading your post.  It kinda reminds me and my cousins.  I think it's safe to say that most people on this forum have experienced the things you described.  You want to know if your feelings are mutual??  You know what?  that's a million dollar question!

I have read a lot of posts here, and some of them said they thought they were 99 or 100 percent sure that their cousins have romantic feelings toward them.  Based on what they described, I thought so too!!  However, it turned out to be disasters after they confessed their love!!

it's sh** like that which keeps me from confessing my love to my cousin in the last 23 years!!  even though sometimes I was 100 percent sure. 

From my experience, cousin love is much more complicated than normal relationship.  Sometimes it defies logic!!  Even Sherlock Holmes can't solve it because logic don't apply to cousin love.

If you want to take the risk, you have to prepare for the worse.  If you can accept the consequences, go ahead.  you have my full support.

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I wish there was more certainty to it since I'm not one to be a risk taker. Unfortunately, I think I might have to confront her about it. I will either attempt to distance myself, or it'll just haunt me if I try to simply lock these feelings away again. However, opening up might estrange her or might confuse her. I don't wish anything bad upon our relationship, but I do need to find out.

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There is no certainty in feelings of the heart, whether it is your cousin or someone you met on the street. I am speaking from personal experience and waiting 30 yrs to confess my feelings to my cousin. It did not turn out the way I wanted. I have even come to realize with some self reflection that I have let my feelings for him affect relationships I could have had.

The difference with not saying anything is your cousin is going to be in your life whereas the person on the street won't be constantly walking into your life. So therefore not saying anything can be a constant internal torture.

The most important thing I have experienced at Cousin Couples is that I am not alone and there are people who understand where I have been and where I am coming from.

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