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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest katie

Married to my 2nd cousin.......but feel nervous about the secret

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I have been reading many posts on this board for years, and am very glad this has been set up. I married my 2nd cousin 14 years ago, our families were/are happy about it. We didn't meet each other until we were adults as we grew up on other sides of the world and even then were never really introduced to one another as 2nd cousins as our mothers were not close cousins, so he felt just like another person.

We have 2 children, who I love to the moon and back. They are growing up and every so often I feel this huge sense of fear and dread about my secret being exposed. We don't tell people about our family link because really it has nothing to do with our marriage, however, we will need to explain it to the kids as they get older. I am fearful of them being judged based on a decision my husband and I made. I do mention it to the kids in passing but really they are too young to understand the possible implication of judgment from others.

I can see there are quite a few others on here who married and have children and I wonder if you get a chilling sense of fear at the possibility of being exposed.....or whether you are adjusted to this. It seems funny as often I don't even think about it but every so often I feel sick to the stomach about not wanting my children to be angry at me.

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Hi! Unfortunately I don't have any advice to give you but I am empathetic to your situation. I also fear our secret getting out and unfortunately try to keep people at arms length, never getting too close just in case. We don't have kids and probably never will because of it.

I look forward to hearing from others here. 

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