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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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armored frog

Another request for advice

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Hello, guys. I think I'm in love with my cousin, so I came here for advice...

She is my mother's full brother's daughter, making her my first cousin. My mother doesn't live with my father, brother and I. She moved to Mexico five years ago. I visit her once or twice a year in the summer time, or winter holiday. When I visit her, I interact a lot with my uncles, aunts and cousins, because they all live in the same city. My cousin (I'll refer to her as "Marisa"), is really close with my mother, and in fact visits her every weekend after school. The last two times I visited her, I've gotten really, really close with Marisa, to the point where some would consider it a brother/sister relationship. I noticed last year that I've developed a crush on her. It's not really a sexual attraction, more of an emotional attraction (but I cannot deny that she is indeed beautiful. In fact most of my female cousins on my mother's side are better than average looking...). When Marisa would take me to walk around downtown, vendors would mistake her for my girlfriend and try to make me buy things for her. On the outside, we just laugh it off, but I secretly like it when people think we're an item. It makes me realize that we could pass off as a couple in the public's eyes, which also make me happy.

First of all, I don't even know if she likes me back, so that could be a problem. Second, even if she did like me back, and we were to begin dating, we'd have to hide it from the entire family, who I'm certain would not be accepting. Another problem is, that while I'm turning nineteen next month, she's only fifteen and a half (16 in February), three and a half years younger than me. This fact makes me feel uneasy, because people might see it as pedophilic, which I'm not. I love her for her, not for her body... My little brother (7 in March) said that I'm a certain character from a movie he likes, and he says Marisa is my "characters" love interest, which gets me thinking that maybe he's able to see that I like her in some way. If that's the case, then maybe he has a feeling she likes me too? I guess my best bet is to never bring it up and bury my feelings and hope for them to go away. Sorry for my overuse of parenthesis... Any help or advice?

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armored frog,

Yeah, keep it on the down low till she is a little older, encourage her as best you can to do her best in school and with her studies.

And the next time a vendor tells you to buy her something, do it. See how she reacts. She is very well liable to feel the same as you. I assume you might visit near Christmas? Tell her it's a little something for Christmas. Innocent enough. That's your story, and stick to it. From there, continue to build the friendship. At some point, don't be surprised if the old "If you weren't my cousin" line doesn't come out of her. At that point, depending on her age, you could work into what we call "The Talk." It would go something like "Yeah, I feel the same way. It IS possible, but there is NO WAY we could rush it. It would take a LOT of thought and prep." It IS legal for cousins to marry in Mexico. If you are Catholic, you would have to get a dispensation, but once the priest tells the family that the Diocese would give you one, I doubt they will argue with the Church. 

(BTW, I use a lot of parenthesis too.)  :wink:

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Funny you should mention that Hawk. I am always telling her to do well in school and to stay away from drugs and sex. When vendors do try to sell me stuff, I always ask her if she even wants any. In fact the last time I went, which was early last month, we went downtown with our cousin (call her Josephine) and her boyfriend (he'll be Izzy), Josephine's brother (Carlos), and Josephine and Carlos's cousin (not related to me or Marisa) (Hugh). We walked from my mom's house to downtown (half hour walk), looked around at the stands, and had some cheap hamburgers (100 pesos for the six of us, I paid for everybody). Then me and Marisa got bored so we split and I bought her some frozen yogurt. I was really enjoying my time with her. Then, some flower vendor asked if I wanted to buy my little lady a flower. I asked him how much they were and Marisa called me crazy. I cleverly passed it off as me getting my mother a rose(I didn't buy anything because it was a bit expensive). I don't necessarily take it as a rejection, because she was just probably surprised at the possibility of me buying her a flower. We then walked all the way back to my mom's house, talking the entire way back.

I'll take your advice and not mention anything until she's older (given I still feel the way I do, which I most likely will). We are catholic in fact, and I did read into cousin marriages, so I know it's not illegal in Mexico or in Catholicism if we get the permission to do so from the diocese. It's probably unsafe to raise my hopes, but I'll do it anyway. Thanks for your input, Hawk. (Also, I didn't use anybody's real name)

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