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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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He told me he has a crush on me and wants more........

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My male cousin and I spent a lot of time together growing up before I went away. We never did anything sexually (no inappropriate touching, kissing, etc.) but there always seemed to be something more to us, some chemistry. He is the oldest male cousin in our family, and we are the same age. I spent a significant amount of time around him during my teen years, and we went to high school together. I used to be a Tom Boy. We grew up and went on about our lives as normal adults and after years of not seeing one another, we met for dinner while I worked out of town on business a few years ago. Just an attempt to reconnect with family on my part. There was nothing strange, nothing inappropriate, nothing out of the way said or done by either of us. He's turned into the classic city dweller (we're southern, not hillbilly or anything- not that either of those are bad things, they just come with negative stereotypes). He's still handsome, and I'm no longer the Olive Oyl type from Popeye back in the day. We have had dinners, laughed, seen each other at family funerals, etc since reconnecting in 2008-09. No issues, then last year happened.

Last year, I posted a football picture on social media (nothing raunchy) but one with some shorts, heels, a football Jersey. I got lots of compliments (on my long legs) from strangers, family, and friends alike but this cousin crossed the line. He called me (which he never does unless I'm in his town working), and propositioned me. He offered to fly me to his town, put me up in a hotel, and basically told me he wanted to ***** me. He commenced to tell me how pretty I was, how he can just look at me and tell I had good ***** (whatever the heck that means), and I can't really remember all the other stuff because I was so shocked. Flattered, but shocked because we are close cousins and this came out of left field. While I know in some cultures, countries, and religions sex with relatives is acceptable, we're American......and our family does not accept such culture. I could see if he was some horny teenager, but he's in his 40's. Not typical, just my observation.

I recently saw him at a funeral down South a few weeks ago and he always has this perv look on his face when he sees me. We give our customary hug and Southern greeting but I always feel I get an extra once over with him. This last visit, he traveled with his wife which I've met a few times prior to them getting married in his town. She's cool. I avoided him whenever possible. Before I left this time to return home, he gave me a tighter hug (nothing frisky), and a kiss on my cheek (which he has never done before). It was a different kind of kiss though. I walked a way with the feeling that I would have if a close friend did something different in the nature of your relationship which would let you know he's wanting to change that relationship, or at least has feeling for you. By the way, I've never mentioned any of the incidents to anyone for fear of family riots (lol). We are both in our mid-40's, and I'm an open minded person.

My dilemma............. I'm going to visit the town where my handsome cousin lives next week. Do I address this with him? Do I pretend nothing has ever happened? I would be lying if I said I haven't entertained the thought of being intimate with him.........he's hot (I KNOW IT'S WRONG & SHALLOW.......)! I wouldn't say I have feelings for him because I really don't know him at this stage in life, we have never not really discussed our likes dislikes etc.......but as far as a sexual'physical attraction, I would have to say yes. When I think of him, I must admit I do get turned on, but I'm not sure if it's because it's taboo, forbidden, etc. I haven't disclosed my feelings to him in anyway, shape, or form or anyone for that matter. I'm planning (in my mind) for many different scenarios for the visit next week, but I feel as though there is some unfinished/undisclosed business between us. I would like closure, answers, etc. Is this normal? How do I enter into a conversation about the proposition and disclosure.........it's been so long? We aren't young kids experimenting, we are adults- which makes this more perplexing. Help me!!!!!!!! Thank you in advance.*******sigh****** :undecided:  :undecided:  :undecided:

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My reply, short, is two words.   He's Married!!

Done deal. Nothing happens, you cut him off at the pass and let him know why.

Don't contact him when you are back in his area.  How do you think his wife would feel if she knew?

Of course you may both be heartless and don't care.

This site will not support infidelity.  Just because it is cousincouples.

Not meaning to be harsh or rude but this is how we see it. 

Give it some thought before you give in to urges.

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Thanks for your reply. I will give it consideration.

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What Romalee said!

He offered to fly me to his town, put me up in a hotel, and basically told me he wanted to ***** me. He commenced to tell me how pretty I was, how he can just look at me and tell I had good ***** (whatever the heck that means), and I can't really remember all the other stuff because I was so shocked. Flattered, but shocked

As a woman in my 40's I have less tolerance for this type of talk.  Maybe I'm a prude.  But when the first indication of a man's attraction to me is him saying he wants to f*** me and he bets I have a good ****, my reaction is, "ICK!!".  I'm definitely not flattered. 

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