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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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NeedAdvice

I'm new here and I'm really lost, seeking advice please

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5 posts in this topic

It seems like a lot of folks are worried about the family tree project with their kids. Do schools even do these? My kids who are in college, never did. I never did. With so many adoptions and fathers who are not in the picture, I can't imagine that schools would do these.

Even so, kids are able to handle this little project. It will not cause them to be ostracized, bullied or otherwise intimidated. Our imaginations are too active at times.

I don't want to seem judgemental here, but after 10 yrs of marriage she is just now thinking about these things? Are you sure her depression isn t clouding her judgement? I have no advice on how to help you through the depression except to say that maybe you need to go to a counseling or Doctor appt with her and let the doc know what you are experiencing.

I do know that a strong partner will work through this with the depressed douse. Easy? No. You aren't being pushed to separation, you ARE being challenged right now.

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I admit that I'm surprised that family trees are still part of the school curriculum.  Let's face it, most elementary age kids aren't going to put the pieces together.  Now, if the teacher handles the knowledge poorly, that's a different matter.  He/she should not be a blabber mouth.  It's also something that you could talk over with the teacher in private.

I understand the intolerance for the jokes on tv and in the media.  It bothers me too.  We have just discovered that my soon-to-be husband/cousin has a sister whose husband has made snarky remarks about our upcoming nuptials  It's frustrating, but we let it roll of our backs.  When friends make off-handed remarks about cousins marrying, I've been known to ask them why they are talking like that; open up a dialogue.  I have found that most people don't know why they feel negatively about cousin marriages, they've just grown up believing that it's wrong.  Actually, that was me a couple of years back.  This site has helped me get educated on the facts - which most people are not aware of.

If you go to a counselor and feel its necessary to mention that you are cousins, and that counselor makes off-handed remarks to you about it, then you will need to find another counselor.  That would be completely inappropriate.  I'm not really sure what business it would be of the counselor to have that bit of information. 

Let me iterate that I am no mental health professional.  I do know that depression is nothing to mess around with.  Especially for someone who has a history of it.  Perhaps getting some help dealing with it, and making sure she is committed to staying on meds and taking care of herself, will help restore your relationship.  Don't give up until you've done everything you can to make it better.

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Have been following and think Serendipity has  given good advice.

I do think counseling is in order, I also feel that disclosing the relationship of cousins

is relevant to the outcome of the counseling.  BECAUSE from the description and things you have

told us, this may hinge on her getting on track with and accepting the cousin-ness of the relationship.

The counselor would need to know the relationship otherwise he/she will be grasping and not knowing

 where the depression is coming from.  That being said I do believe honesty is best if you want real results.

Don't give up on the two of you working this out yet.  Give help a chance. If you are not comfortable or

pleased with the first one you see, go to someone else.  Find your comfort zone and you will find help.

Best wishes.

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Thank you all for the advice. I really don't want her to come across this thread which is why I deleted most of my posts. Sorry and thank you all so very much.

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