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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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NeedAdvice

Maiden name issue

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What do you all do about the maiden name issue when you both have the same last name.

The other day at work some people were joking around about changing their names when they get married, a coworker was getting married and she didn't love her fiancee's last name, anyway people were comparing maiden names and someone asked me what my wife's was. Seeing as how we have the same last name and it is VERY uncommon I panicked and lied and said her mother's maiden name as an answer. I don't mind doing this, I even came up with a clever cover story about how we met and why our families are "connected" nothing that would hold up to scrutiny of course but just answers to how we met and such. She's not comfortable lying however, though we both agree it's better than just telling everyone, that can get awkward and at times hurtful.

Just wondering what those couples that have the same last name do if/when they are asked for a maiden name in a non official matter of course.

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I would guess that when coworkers start asking about your wife's maiden name, it's a huge red flag. They probably already suspect something. They may know a lot more than you think! I've had people I didn't know ask me if I had married my cousin. Without any hesitation, I "proudly" confirmed. I think that is the best way to deal with it. 

Her mother's maiden name may be fine if you word it correctly... "she is from the xxx clan" whatever. That way you aren't lying and you are not oversharing. 

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