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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Sonora

I was the only girl...

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Hi everyone. I was the only girl out of 8 cousins and the youngest. The oldest 2 males live 2,500 miles from me, and I have never met them. In 2000 I called one, but not his brother, because he was going to prison and I didn't know how to go about it. Well, last year I wrote the one on prison, finally. It took a year, but we have stumbled upon a love relationship. He has 5 more years in prison. He is not in for any violent crime. He only has his brother for support. His wife hasn't contacted him since 2008, or so. I am not happy in my marriage.

There is plenty of time before he gets out of prison, but I know I'd not stand in his way with his wife if she ever contacted him again. I have always had love for my cousins, and well, it's grown tremendously with this one. We have some spooky similarities in personalities. I'm glad there is a lot of time for us to write. He had been very despondent being in prison 16 years already. I'm apprehensive that could add to his eagerness for love here, but he is sincere.

Advice, please.

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Do what you feel is right for you, wait and watch how things evolve since you have plenty of time to think about it.

I myself can't figure out what I have with my cousin, is it love or strong attraction. I am kind of insensitive to relationships, so can't really give you a sound advise :(

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Wow 20 years up the river is a long time. That's hard time. I imagine that your letters make it all bearable. I've spend a few months in jail and a few in prison (same offence). A man might as well be on Mars because nobody comes to visit after a short while. I would say that few relationship outlast six months in prison. You find out who your friends are.

What is he in there for? You have to keep in mind that people don't change... or don't change easily. If he is in there for child abuse or for banging up the wife, you should wise up. But that is between you and him. Other than that, I am fairly liberal. We have wayyy too many people in jails and prisons for non violent offences.

He and his wife does have a chance when he gets out of the joint. I think they deserve a chance to see if there is any chemistry left. You should give them that space, especially if there are kids involved and providing he can forgive her absence. You know, that works both ways. There will be a whole lot of pain on both sides to work through.

So my best advice is to insist he get a divorce before embarking on a long journey with this fellow. He will need some time to get it together once he gets out, so take it slow. Look after yourself girl. Nobody else is going to. The worst thing you can do here is to rush into any long-term commitments with him. Honestly, they don't send you to prison for 20 years for being a choir boy. You have a lot to think about. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope I have said something useful.

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Thank you KC! Yes, you've said a whole lot useful.

I think because he & I are cousins that it makes the glue in our relationship stick more, so to speak. Yes, I will give him plenty of space and patience in his relationship with his wife. I just wrote him saying I'd been doing some soul searching and examination of my motives. I'm looking for a lasting relationship with him. I admire a mate who is capable of love and friendship. I don't admire jealousy in others nor myself. I love him. There were no children. I've never had any either.

I don't want to post here too much of what his convicted crime was. It is not for direct hurting of others in any violent sense. I'd never written anyone in prison prior to this.

Thank you again for your words of wisdom.

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We write the most ultra-romantic love letters. I actually love that we're getting to know each other this way.

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