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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Bad cousin

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My cousin ended everything between us almost 6 years ago. I don't know what he was expecting from me, to cry over him? maybe? which I didn't he hurt me by stepping back and I did not look back (which made him conclude that I treated him badly).

As time passed by my confusion regarding my feelings, for my cousin, increased to an extent that I desperately wanted to talk to my cousin just to know if I was the only one feeling this way. 

Initially, I suppressed my feelings for a long time (helped me to get over him to some extent), but even short encounters have high potential to mess up everything.

Good feelings were now turning into bad or bitter feelings and I wanted to make peace with him. So, I decided to contact him few months ago and he responded to my messages because he was not aware of that fact that "I was messaging him" because I was scared and I was talking to him anonymously. Also, the way he responded it looked like he had many ex gfs lol and he was unable to decide who was messaging him.

Anyway, he is smart, I am assuming that he used some tracking app (IP locator) to figure out my identity (he sent me some link, which i opened intentionally to help him figure out that it was 'me'). Ever since then he stopped responding, which means he don't want to do anything with me. I wanted to try for the one last time and still no response  :undecided: , finally I told him that I don't to see him ever! now it is only about self-respect. He says something and want something else! a confused personality like myself.

I hope I made the right decision!

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Please see, he never supported me when I was expecting him to be there for me (red FLAG), he did not trust me (red flag), and he was told only bad things about me (that every male person I talk to is my bf lol) which is silly nd he believed in them, he talks to me only when HE wants to and does not care when I want to, yes he did mean stuff to me (like making me look bad in front of his family) or saying things to hurt me.

My purpose to contact him was to clear any confusions we have, so that we don't hate each other every time we meet. Whatever it is, now I do not want to think about him or anyone I AM DONE THINKING!

I have to focus on other things in life, can't chase someone for life (have done that before but not anymore). If he can not respect me or my time, I am not going to give him much attention.

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Oh, you poor dear. You sound very stable and thoughtful. Its his loss it seems to me. I mean that. He could be civil!

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Oh, you poor dear. You sound very stable and thoughtful. Its his loss it seems to me. I mean that. He could be civil!

I know right. At least he could say 'don't bother me', the funny thing is he is bad at hiding his feelings when we run into each other which confuses me even more. He is a bad cousin.

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I think you should use the telephone to call him and not try to read his mind. Seriously, you are only adding to the confusion.

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KC is right.  If you want to make peace with him, you've gotta do it in a way that he knows it's you contacting him.  Whatever the history between you two, don't try to make peace with the intention of reigniting a romance.  Speak your mind, wish him well and leave the past behind you.

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KC is right.  If you want to make peace with him, you've gotta do it in a way that he knows it's you contacting him.  Whatever the history between you two, don't try to make peace with the intention of reigniting a romance.  Speak your mind, wish him well and leave the past behind you.

I have personal reason for staying anonymous. Last time I did that, it was a big mistake!! Anyway. Not interested in romance or relationship at all! It is not worth it and it is a huge thing to be called a cheater. I just want him to act normally when ever we run into each other instead of giving me that hate look. Also, I should be angry not the other way round. I won't let my family talk shit about whatever happened between me and my cousin unlike him who just let people talk  shit.

The type of community I belong to, cousin thing is a big thing. I have had faced tons of problem already, but I learn from them and move on.

Well my cousin is a bad cousin, I feel like he is mean he is just thinking about him and his family. Did nothing to resolve the issue and blamed me for everything.

I don't know what he is doing in his life, no harsh feelings at all. Just want to make peace with him. So now he gets married or no, that has nothing to do with me. I am glad that he mentioned that long time ago and it helped me to not to think about him.

But, feelings do slip in some times and change everything, but I have better control over them than I had before. I am practical, I know it is not going to work out due to family issues. I just don't want to feel guilty, because I have not done anything wrong with him. He should think about it too. In fact he is a boy, he won't face obstacles in getting married. Whereas, I have to deal with my past and might not even find the right person. I AM DONE WITH RELATIONSHIPS, I feel like they are not meant for me lol.

Thank you for your input, I will take it into consideration before repeating same mistake.

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Well my dear,  you just gotta put on your big girl pants and move on.  Being anonymous will accomplish nothing for you.  You can't control how he responds to you; only how you respond to him.  Good luck.

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Well my dear,  you just gotta put on your big girl pants and move on.  Being anonymous will accomplish nothing for you.  You can't control how he responds to you; only how you respond to him.  Good luck.

Sad to hear this but, I also believe it is the best thing to do. I tried enough to resolve issue, but looks like it was a bad idea. Back to square one, I will try to completely ignore him at family get togethers. I wish I could avoid those events.

I am glad that I can talk to people who actually understand me, now I feel irritated for unknown reason and I need to vent :(.

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