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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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BooWho

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I went ahead & told my cousin how I felt. She replied that she actually felt the same way. She stated that this started up from many years ago, & I replied that it was the same on my end. We both had this feeling ever since the same night.

Now I know the feeling was mutual, & I took this risk. She loves me as much as I love her, but when I popped the question once & for all, her answer was no. I asked her to be my girlfriend.

She rejected my proposal. She was very excited, but at the same time confused. She said that we were cousins above all else. That this couldn't happen. I have to think of the consequences & about what our parents would say. So what now? :/

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I am really happy for you.  I hope I had the courage like you!

I think you still have chance.  Be patient,  ask her out more like a close friend.  And try to convince her when the time is right.

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Ummm.  You asked her to be your girlfriend without ever dating her, wooing her, trying to get to know her?  Perhaps that is why she said No.

If she is worried about the cousin factor you've got to try and educate her.  Part of how you do that is spending time with her with no strings attached.  Go out for coffee, to the movies, for long walks together.  Start talking through the situation and see if your feelings are worth pursuing and if the two of you can work through the complications of a cousin relationship before asking for exclusivity. 

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I have spent lots of time with her but maybe not enough. She had mentioned that she had tried always being alone with me or making me company. I am a distant person however, & I pull away when people start getting close to me. We've stayed in, cuddling, & watched movies together before. I've gone to get her ice cream or anything she would ask of me. We've gone to the beach, & I was parading her around. These were of course on family trips. Distance is a factor that gets in the way of seeing her more often. Her & I both disliked that.

I barely opened up my true feelings after her last visit, so I haven't been much of a romantic type before that. Her mind seems set on her viewpoint; mine is fixed on the opposite end. That's a problem. I could try what you suggested, but I worry in the end it might not be enough. Risks are risks. I already took one, so there's no hurting in taking a few more. Thank you for your feedback.

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