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shahindia12

I love my cousin, What should I do?

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I have an issue I live in the US (I am Hindu, US citizen) originally from Ahmedabad, India. Five years ago I visited India and got to meet and talk to my cousin (mother?s bother?s daughter) for the first time. I really enjoyed talking to my cousin about everything. I visited India about 3 times in 5 years and every time I went to India and talked to my cousin, we got closer and closer, still noting between us just love for my sister(cousin). Our family member say why are they so close is something going on between them. My parents talked to me about keeping my distance from her because everybody was asking him is there some thing between us. There was noting between us but the last time I visited India we got so close we kiss (I was thinking this is wrong but it felt so right).  As days came near for me to go back to US I was sad but I had to go (I was think this was the last time I will see her because she might be married when I visit next time.  Still noting really between us in terms of lover relationship.  And that was it really and I came back to US.  We talked on the phone every week than just 2 months ago see told me that my parents are talking about my marriage, she asked what should I do.  Right than all of these feeling came in to me I will not see her, she will be gone.  After all those thoughts I realized I really love her and can't live with out her.  So I was thinking I can't be with her what will my parents and family think (also in our community it is not normal to marry cousin) when the find out about us.  My parents will think it was going on between us from the began which is not true but that is how it is.  Well back to our story, one day I told her what I felt and she told me she felt the same way.  Now we can?t live without each other and want to be with each other and want to marry, family will never except us. Plus, it is illegal to marry first cousin in India. I can't live without her and I will not marry anybody else. We decided we want to marry each other so how we will think about it after we tell our parents. But how can I tell my parents they already dont like us being together plus society problem not for us (we dont care what other thing) but for your parents. Please give me your advice, what should I do?  How to tell parents?

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Hello Shahindia12 and Welcome to cousin couples. 

I think your first move should be to get your cousin out of India and to the U.S.  That will probably be your hardest obstacle.  I don't see any sense in telling your family while she is still living in India since it's not legal to marry there, and if you told them the truth while she is still there they will do everything possible to block her from coming to the U.S. 

Could she possibly tell her family that she wants to work/live in the U.S., and move here on that pretense?  What are your ages?  Does she still live at home with her parents? 

It will be hard, but not impossible.  But my advise would be to NOT tell the truth until after you get her out of India. 

There is a good article under Shoot the Breeze entitled "How to tell your Mom" that gives great advice on how to tell your mom and other family about being in love with your cousin when the time is right.

Good luck!!  :hug:

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Well our age group is between 20-25. Yes she still lives at home  with her parents. Plus, she does not want to come to US I want to move to back to India to my home country.  I am thinking will tell my parents after I have moved to India for job (my parents don't like, are against, hate, and think I am crazy about me moving to India so what will they think when I tell them I like my cousin).

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You are in a predicament.  Do your parents live in the U.S. also? 

If it's not legal for you to marry in India what good will it do for you to move there?  Yes, you may be able to be closer to her, but you will never be able to marry her.  And I don't think you would be happy to just live together, IF your parents would even allow it.  But at least in the U.S. there are many states that would allow you to marry.  I don't know enough about your culture,  so it's not too easy to advise you.   

It doesn't sound like either of your parents will bless this union, so if you go forward with this relationship you may have to seriously consider severing ties with your family.

Maybe some others on this site would have more insight into the Hindu culture and be able to advise you better than I.

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hai

Iam living in india and i love my first cousin, infact we are in love for past 11 years.

  See in India first cousin marriages are not allowded unless there is a custom( in releigon or caste) followed. My best suggestion is that u both move to some other state in india(dont inform u r parents), live there for some time and then get u r marriage registered without anyones knowledge.

This is what iam going to do...

Good luck

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HI

I am facing the same problem. I lovemy mother's brother's daughter. We are in relationship for the last 7 years. But now her parents started searching groom for her as she has become around 23.

I planned to flew away with her but she is scared that her parents will die out of shame and all.

We both cant live without each other.

We are hindu brahmins near delhi. I dont know what to do. If we ran away her parents would die. If dont then we both will die.

I dont know whether it is right or wrong but I am searching for some one with same problem so that we can marry each other's beloved( to satisfy family and society) and then settle down at some distant place and live lives with our actual lovers.

Please mail me your openion about this email addy removed

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My heart goes out to all of you. I was married to a Hindu for18 years. I realize there are a lot of customs and family traditions that are expected to be upheld. Thankfully, his parents were more open-minded and free-thinking. Half of the women wore saris, the other wore jeans! Although my marriage was...horrible, to say the least, I'm grateful for the opportunity to get some insight on this culture. My ex did all he could to move to the U.S. and I was his ticket. (I'm American...now he is too.) He saw more freedom and opportunity here.

I guess there are obstacles for all of us cousins around the world. It doesn't seem to be easy where ever you live! I'm still without my cousin, after 26 years, and it doesn't get any easier. My advise: do EVERYTHING you can, while you can!

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Hey helploveproblem

I am in the same situation..I have sent you a mail to the id you gave me

Am from Tamilnadu,India (Hindu ).

Let me know ASAP.

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Hi Green,

Is there any chances to help each other.

hai

Iam living in india and i love my first cousin, infact we are in love for past 11 years.

  See in India first cousin marriages are not allowded unless there is a custom( in releigon or caste) followed. My best suggestion is that u both move to some other state in india(dont inform u r parents), live there for some time and then get u r marriage registered without anyones knowledge.

This is what iam going to do...

Good luck

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hi there,

i am also having the similar problem... is there any one who is brahmin (hindu) and looking for a simlar partner. so that they can get married for their family....

if so then let me know....

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hi, my name is Prince jaiswal...... my problem is that i fell in love with my cousin.... she is my maternal auntie's daughter..  ididn't told her that i love her.. What i do? please help  me.......................................

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@Prince Jaiswal-what are your ages, what's your ethncity, do u think your family would approve, do u think she feels the same way, personal details is always a big help

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I have the same situation. Can we help each other? Can you contact me at email addy removed

Hi Green,

Is there any chances to help each other.

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Boss i am in the same situation. I and my cousin want to stay together as you wanted. We both can help eachother. If yes contact me at email addy removed

HI

I am facing the same problem. I lovemy mother's brother's daughter. We are in relationship for the last 7 years. But now her parents started searching groom for her as she has become around 23.

I planned to flew away with her but she is scared that her parents will die out of shame and all.

We both cant live without each other.

We are hindu brahmins near delhi. I dont know what to do. If we ran away her parents would die. If dont then we both will die.

I dont know whether it is right or wrong but I am searching for some one with same problem so that we can marry each other's beloved( to satisfy family and society) and then settle down at some distant place and live lives with our actual lovers.

Please mail me your openion about this email addy removed

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I am facing the same problem. I love my mother's sister's daughter. We are in relationship for the last 1 years. i m 22 ...But now her parents started searching groom for her as she has become around 23.

I planned to flew away with her but she is scared that her parents will die out of shame and all.

We both cant live without each other.

We are hindu near delhi. I dont know what to do. If we ran away her parents would die. If dont then we both will die.

I dont know whether it is right or wrong but if its not done, we will dead, plz tell me ans through law?

i love her very much & she loves me also. we can not live without eachother. how we do marry eachother??  we want to satisfy family and society) and then settle down at some distant place and live with eachother... :( :(

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I researched a lot about this. hindus may marry their second cousins in india under the special marriage act. maybe it would be possible to convert to some other religion such as christianity, islam.. and marry ur first cousin? that is, unless u people are extremely diehard hindus. there is no other way for a hindu to marry his first cousin in india.

somebody in this thread said that u could move to another indian state and live together for some time n do a quiet registered marriage .. but that does not make your marriage legal. your marriage is actually null and void, and your family can file a case against you for marrying within the degree of prohibited relationships.

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hello friend,,,

i am in the same situation and am looking for another couple like us.... we can help each other.... can you please contact me at (nope)

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I am facing the same problem. I love my mother's sister's daughter. We are in relationship for the last 1 years. i m 22 ...But now her parents started searching groom for her as she has become around 23.

I planned to flew away with her but she is scared that her parents will die out of shame and all.

We both cant live without each other.

We are hindu near delhi. I dont know what to do. If we ran away her parents would die. If dont then we both will die.

I dont know whether it is right or wrong but if its not done, we will dead, plz tell me ans through law?

i love her very much & she loves me also. we can not live without eachother. how we do marry eachother??  we want to satisfy family and society) and then settle down at some distant place and live with eachother... :( :(

No! u cant satisfy everyone in this situation. Tell your cousin to tell her parents that she doesnt want to marry right now. Btw do you have a job?

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no sir m still a student.... but m sure i'll get a job soon...... plz suggest smthin better "legally".....

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hello friends anyone from 24 manai telugu chettar 8 house couples plz reply me..ASAP

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i too love my cousin... and we can help each other. find me on facebook as sauravsonyforyou

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we are on the same boat and we can help each other..  find me on face book as sauravsony5u or sauravsonyforyou

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This is a question, and maybe a suggestion, but not advice.  It is legal for first cousins to marry in Australia and New Zealand.  Would it be possible for you both to go to one of those countries temporarily (on tourist visas) and get married there?  If you did, what would happen when you return to India?  (Would the Indian government annul your marriage?  Put you in jail?)  Would your family accept your marriage if it were already done?  (I don't even know if tourists can get married legally outside their home country.)

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