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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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harleyq

my cousin is in love with me but he is too afraid.. what do i do?

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harleyq    0

Hi.. two weeks ago me and my cousin ended up together and have fallen in love since then.. he wants to be with me but he has other stuff going on in his life.. i have told him that i wud stand by im bit he is resistant! Our families found out about us and it has been very difficult! We are payimg for somethng we are not getting the benefits of! We are some distance apart whoch makes it difficult i just dont know how to convince him to do somethkng he clearly wants to do.. im devistaited and i dont know how to come back from this especially when it is clear that we are perfect for one another!

Help!

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Dittykins    0

Honestly... It's his own choice. You can try to persuade, but in the end it is his decision, so I would focus on myself in that situation... think of what I could do to improve myself, and how I want to live, who I want to be, with or without him.

Personally, I've had plenty of trouble with my cousin going back and forth between being a lover and friend, (for various reasons, most of which include some sort of fear) and I've had to deal somewhat with frustrations with family knowing and us not being really together and it's so frustrating and lonely... in my case, my family does not condemn it and typically avoid and ignore the topic, but my grandma (my mother's side, no relation to that cousin) thinks it makes a juicy story to tell, and also talked to me, trying to convince me it would be bad. such things wouldn't have been a big deal, except he was only my friend and I couldn't tell anyone that because maybe someday. I battled it out by being silently stubborn and trying not to think of it, though sometimes I cried to my cousin love and "yelled" at him (all at the same time  :shocked: :cheesy:).

However, when it all comes down to it, a romantic relationship is between two people, and if one isn't willing to or cannot put in the effort, whether from fear or otherwise, what can the other do? One cannot make the decision for the other. Though it is so frustrating to think that happiness can be hindered by fear...if it does end up being so, maybe that happiness wouldn't have been as great as anticipated.

Course, details, as lightning suggested, such as your ages (a teenager would recieve different advice than a person in their 20s or a person in their 50s) and romantic availability (whether either of you are in a committed relationship :o  :grin:), would be helpful to those seeking to try to help  :azn:

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