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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Denee

My beautiful story

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This is my first post. I just want to share my story and am also looking for a little support and validation. I actually met this person a little over 20 years ago. We worked together and he had the same last name as my grandmother (maiden), but I didn't think much about the last name. We both went to a work conference and were out to dinner with a large group the first night. He and I just happened to sit across from each other. Over a lot of margaritas, we discovered that he and my dad are first cousins. By the time we figured this out, the attraction was there and it was strong. We spent all our free time together while at the conference, but did not continue the relationship once we got back home. I was a single mom and just didn't think it was a good idea at the time. We saw each other a few more times at family events, which had never happened before. I moved on to other relationships (aka bad marriages). My daughter grew up in the meantime and I saw him about 10 years after our initial meeting. He asked me to meet him form drinks. There was actually a hurricane headed our way, but I thought "what the heck". We met and again the attraction was extremely strong, but I still didn't know how our families would react, so I told him "no" again. I was very sad this time. A few months later, I began dating a man that I ended up marrying 5 years later. Unfortunately, our marriage didn't work out due to unforeseen circumstances. A few months later, and for first time in the history of our families, my dad decided to have a family reunion at his home and he invited both sides of his family. I had an old phone number for this cousin, so I took a chance and texted him to personally invite him. He responded and my heart did a little dance! I was at my dad's and saw him drive up. Then, my heart did more than a little dance!! We immediately picked up where we had left off 10 years ago. We are both older now, of course. I am near 50 and he will be 60 this year. We have spent every weekend together since the family reunion and have been around the families some. We like the same things - music, arts, dancing, traveling, good wine. His side of the family is thrilled because he was depressed and withdrawn for many years. They thank me constantly for bringing him back to them. My side is a bit of a different story. Some say it is wrong and some say it is just weird. I have decided that I must follow my heart. I have never felt more loved, respected and safe than I do with this man. I feel strongly that there is a reason fate keeps bringing us back into each other's lives. I just wish my family, mainly my daughter, sister and nieces, could accept this relationship. Thanks for listening  :smiley:

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what a beautiful story! as for your daughter, just remind her that you don't dictate who she can date. you support her decisions even when you have reservations. she should afford you the same respect!

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I have a daughter who was 18 and less than thrilled about my relationship with my 1st cousin.  2.5 years later, I wouldn't say she is ecstatic about cuz and I, but she was a bridesmaid at our marriage last weekend and did shed a tear or two during the ceremony, so I guess she is coming along, little by little.

Ultimately you have to maintain relationships with your family without neglecting yourself in the process.  The people who love you will be glad that you have found happiness.

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