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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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We are so much in love. Family is the only obstacle.

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My 1st cousin and I have been madly in love our whole lives. Started as just cousins. But when I was 13 and he was 16 it all happened. We kissed. I could feel everything , almost like I was lighter than a feather. We looked at each other for a moment like we were scared of what this was. But we couldn't stop. He was my first. And then I had to go home.... Four states away. I wrote him and my Aunt found the letter and threw it away. She called my mother and I told her it was actually for my cousins friend... I didn't put details about our family situation so they both were relieved.

4 years later and still in love , he came to me. We couldn't keep our hands off each other . We told each other I love you. But deep inside we knew our family's would disown us. We both came to the conclusion that we couldn't break are family's up and we must put our own feelings aside. ( big mistake ) about a month after he left I found out I was pregnant. He was traveling , doing badly, and I couldn't reach him. I made the most horrible decision on my own. I regret it everyday. Our lives went in two separate directions... He became an alcoholic and and drug addict. I got married at 19 to a man much older than me. He had his eyes. Same color hair.... He dated fast women , but everyone of them had either my name, my hair color, my eyes or loved him. But he just couldn't and didn't love them back.

I divorced my first husband after 4 years .... I married another 6 years later. But during all that time. I knew where he was and what he was doing. Always getting updates and to my surprise ( found out much later ) he was doing the same. Found myself writing him one day, then calling him. We still felt so much love for eachother.  But we wouldn't see each other for almost 23 years.

Then it happened. The family reunion. My husband didn't go. I heard his voice from inside saying hello to everyone. Just got off work, clean and the most handsome man I had ever seen. My eyes started filling up with tears as I waited for my turn to get a hug. He came up the steps and looked straight into my eyes . He hadn't changed ... He still loved me. His eyes clued me in. He grabbed me and give me a hug, pulled away and pulled me back in and gave me another. We

Didn't leave each others side for two weeks. I told him everything. Finally. He told me everything. Finally... We can't be without each other ....

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so when you say 'family' is your only obstacle, are you including your husband in that term? because frankly, he should be THE obstacle. you're an adult. if you and your cousin were both single, your family's opinion should no longer be relevant. maybe that sounds harsh, but they don't get a say in your love life anymore.

but your husband is another story. you really have no right to pursue anything with your cousin as long as you are still married. and when i say you have no right to pursue, i mean you really have no right to even be hanging around with your cousin, texting, talking, or anything else. that is a betrayal of the lowest kind to someone you once promised to forsake all others for. if you are a woman of integrity, you will put your relationship with your cousin ON ICE and either divorce your husband or recommit yourself to your marriage.

i'm assuming your cousin has quit using drugs? if he hasn't, then divorcing your husband for your cousin should not even be a consideration. seriously. a woman who tries to save an addict from himself only succeeds in losing herself. (same is true in reverse, it doesn't matter whether the addict is male or female.)

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