Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

I'm not sure if I am being a selfish homewrecker or not

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

2 posts in this topic

Hello - I am having some hang up's on what I should do and need input. No one knows about me and my cousins relationship so far as I know. It's been going on a couple months. We hadn't actually spent time together ever that I can remember and met at his dad/my first cousin's funeral. We hit it off immediately and were together continuously for days until he finally went back to the state he lives in. I was single when it began but he wasn't. He was living with his pregnant girlfriend's family. He moved out immediately once he returned home and he is going through a lot right now and I'm trying to be as supportive as I can.

That said, it's really hard for me to support what he is going through because my own feelings get in the way. I knew I was in love with him within an hour or so of us being around each other. He insists he loves me more than anything too. But I get so jealous that this other woman is having his baby. I realize that is just bad timing and it's not like he knew this was going to happen (he's always saying "if only I met you a few months sooner"), but I have a lot of guilt going on too. He has said frequently that the only reason he isn't with her is because of me - and i don't want to be that reason that there family isn't together - which I feel like will create further hostility in our family when/if the time comes to tell people of our relationship, and may be a barrier in him being able to see his child (he is terrified of this because she is already using the pregnancy to make him feel guilty for not wanting to be with her). He is even trying to be friends with her so she doesn't take the baby away - but that drives me crazy because he is leading her to believe that it could work out with them and I don't want the person I'm with to be like that. He keeps saying I don't understand.

I can't decide if I'm being selfish or not understanding because of the situation. I know it is weighing on him heavily about to become a father and having just lost his father. Him and his father did not have a relationship and he is dead set on being a great father to his child because of that. I don't want to be a homewrecker. I love him and want what is best for him and keep asking him what that is. He says it's me. He even moved here so we can be closer (our relationship under wraps of course still for now). I just keep getting scared because he keeps saying "i won't know how i'm going to feel until the baby comes". I don't want to keep getting more attached to him in that way and have it taken away if he changes his mind about being with the baby mama.

fyi - we're both in our mid-20's and i'm financially stable (he's a student) and we could move anywhere if things got out of hand.

  :undecided: help please.


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Since he is uncertain how he will feel "until the baby comes", I would tell him to go back to the girlfriend. I know

it's easier said than done, BUT as you said you don't want to keep getting more attached to him.

He needs to stand up to his responsibility to this young lady and the baby. If after the baby is born then he can

take some time to evaluate and search his feelings.  If he no longer wants to be in a relationship with the mother then

he needs to end it in an adult manner and do the legal thing of having visitation etc with his child.  Leaving immediately upon

his return because his head was turned by someone else is not the way to go about things.

I do believe there is some selfishness going on here, but things to think about, If he leaves her in her time of need going

through this pregnancy, how responsible does that make him in your eyes.  It could happen to you too.  Bottom line for me is

I think he needs to mature and you need to put this situation on the back burner until such time as all is dealt with and both of you are

single, not just one of you.


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0