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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Yeehah

Tricky situation

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Hi

I am so glad I've stumbled across this page.

Basically, I've fancied my first cousin for years. He's older than me by 11 years. We had a drunken kiss 20 years ago when I was a teenager. Anyhow skipping toward 20 years to now, we are both married, both have children and in the past year or so we've all been seeing each other more than usual as we moved into the neighbourhood he lives in.

A few months back we had a party, we were both drinking and got onto the kiss we had once. We then got to admitting we have always had feelings for each other. We ended up kissing again(obviously somewhere private).

We are now in a full on affair. I am so in love with him. And him me. We see each other as often as we can.

We've both found ourselves in each other, something that we were both clearly missing in our lives.

The thing is, I can't see how we can ever be together. No matter how much we both want it we love our children.

Mine are still quite young, his are a bit older.

Should we just quit? I've got no one I can speak to about this.

I know we are cheating, I'm not condoning it.

We just feel so natural as crazy as that may sound.

And how can we just go back to how we were?

He said we will be together but when the kids are older....in say 10 years because no one will understand or accept and we will need to move away.

(We are allowed to marry where we live)

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should you just quit?

yes.

but somehow i don't really think you are here to get advice on what you should do.

you already know right from wrong. you already know you should never have started an affair. you weren't interested in doing the right thing then, so why should we believe you want to do the right thing now? your children weren't the priority then, your own desires were. you also already know that there is no going back to how you were before the affair. you can quit the affair, but it's not going to ever be the way it was.

so what would i suggest? woman up and tell your husband that you have been unfaithful... that you CONTINUE to be unfaithful.  let HIM decide whether he is willing to let you continue to ruin his life and the children's. i would encourage your lover to do the same, to man up and tell his wife about you. but don't just let things continue as they are. that would just be the epitome of spinelessness and self-centered entitlement. you've forfeited your rights here. you broke your contract. not just an emotional sappy wedding vow, you violated a legal contract to your husband. so put the ball in his court where it belongs and let him make the next play.

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