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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
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Lady c

This topic has had no activity within the past six months. It is recommended that you start a new topic instead of replying to old topics.

4 posts in this topic

I suspect many people "hover" or test the waters of the site before being brave enough to join and post their story. I suspect many others read to figure out how to show their cousin the website and maybe never post; but just knowing there are others who share similar situations helps to get us through to the next step.  This is a process... Maybe I'm doing it differently than you, but I responded to what I thought was a recent post since it was marked Monday 6:55pm.  Either way what's "rich" is how you yet again posted putdowns and so swiftly locked topic before a response.  I will continue to read posts as the numerous other guests do and if you do not want guests posting anything then set it up as such so that members-only can post.  I guarantee you, though when you jump on someone as you did me, and the person who didn't post up to your standards (Lee) it is seen as judgmental in the one place that is supposed to help us overcome judgments. What an ironic lack of compassion.  You my dear are no lady.

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i locked the thread because KC was busy studying. he had posted that he wanted to find a way to auto-close the old threads. i did that for him. and there was no swiftness to it. there were many hours between my comment to you and the thread being locked.

you are welcome to post here as much as you want, with or without becoming a member. but using me as your excuse not to join when you are still using the forum as a guest is absurd. it doesn't even make sense. we've never had a problem with guests posting, and your insuation that i do is equally as absurd. what does bother all of the staff and many members is when guests come in, dig up ancient threads (which was dug up by another guest, not by you) and suddenly a rash of guests begin posting in it. it could be coincidence and probably was, but it often is not. it is often done by trolls. this is not exclusive to this forum, it happens on EVERY forum.

your gripe with me has little to do with my compassion towards people and a lot to do with my comments to guest lee about writing coherent posts. yes, there are a lot of younger generation people who come here doing exactly that, and other younger generation people who defend them. why is beyond me. i suppose maybe because you've all learned how to read on cell phones. but the people here who can offer the most experienced help and advice did NOT learn to read and write on a cell phone. and we don't have the time or the inclination to try to decipher a paragraph of run-on words with no punctuation. we could care less around here about grammatical errors or spelling errors or even syntax errors. but if people want help, they have to be able to communicate it effectively. write like you speak. people don't speak in run-ons, and we don't hear in run-ons. technology has destroyed the ability to communicate properly.

now, let's talk about compassion and what it is. because i have tons of compassion for people who find themselves in stupid situations. but i also have years of experience in trying to fumble my way out of those, and making a lot of even more stupid mistakes along the way. i don't coddle anybody. you're not the first to think i'm harsh and judgmental. but i'm that way because life is too precious to waste on stupidity. and before you think i'm calling you or anyone else stupid, get your knickers out of a knot and pay attention.

life is too precious to be wasted on stupidity. people's lives are too precious to be wasted on stupidity. stupidity is not a person, stupidity is an action born of a choice made by someone who is not willing or able to foresee the consequences. now, if someone's stupid choices is a result of them simply being unwilling to consider the consequences (for example, a woman who sets her sites on destroying an entire family because the husband rejected her seductive advances) then i am not going to waste my precious life trying to explain right from wrong to them. i'm going to call a spade a spade, because my sympathies lie with the victims of her selfishness.

on the other hand, if someone's stupidity is born from their lack of experience with how the world works, i'm very likely going to be harsh with them because i don't want them wasting years of their own precious life making worse mistakes. (for instance, a young woman who is contemplating a relationship with an inmate because she thinks breaking up with him at the age of 12 is what has ruined his life, and believes that her love can save him.) in such an example, the young woman can't be the inmate's salvation. what she will do if she embarks on this emotional affair is ruin her marriage and set herself up for heartache. there is no time to waste in such an example. i can be there to hold her hand after she sees the reality of the situation, but the primary concern is getting her to see the reality in the first place.

both of those examples are taken right from the pages of these forums, by the way.

you're not the first person to whine about what a mean old bat i am. in fact it's a title i wear proudly. see my title to the left of this post? politically incorrect old bat. on the previous software i called myself the mean old bat. i acknowledge it in my signature line as well. read the light grey part at the bottom of any of my posts. i'm not afraid to be called mean. because it's oh, so incredibly rewarding when people come to me later on these forums and thank me for having helped pull their head out of their arse. and that accounts for about 1/3 of all the people i rake over the coals here. the ones who, in spite of their hurt feelings over my words, have been able to see the wisdom in what i said and turn their lives around before it is too late. that's why i am the way i am. because i value the people who come here searching for help. i believe their lives matter, that they are important, and because i understand exactly where they are coming from because that's the benefit of being old. i've walked in their shoes. and if they need new shoes, by golly i'm gonna do my best to kick those ill-fitting ones off their feet and give them the ones that will help them find real joy and peace in life. coddling them won't help them. patting them on the back and saying 'follow your heart, damn the torpedoes' is not going to help them. reality checks will, if they allow them to.

so thank you for starting this critical thread. i'm seriously considering pinning it. it has given me the opportunity to set the record straight, and by doing it here instead of within another thread, it may save me from having to do it all over again. i don't always have the time to give a detailed analysis of how i care about people. even you.

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and for the record, i wasn't jumping on you. i was jumping on guest lee. you just inserted yourself into the crossfire. if you'll recall, my only response to you was 'if one wants to to be heard, one must learn to communicate' or something to that effect. "one" was referring to lee, and others who come here rambling incoherently. if i had been as hateful as you think i am, i would have just deleted his post and been done with it, rather than telling him how to get the help he needs.

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Yes this clears things up a bit. Glad you pinned it. I read your post about GC.  Great advice.  I see the diligence in your responses now instead of the judgments.  It appears that you are truly trying to help posters avoid painful mistakes and answer questions with honesty. I think I might be 2 years too late to finding this site, but I am happy for those who found it in time. 

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