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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla

Can't Forget About the Past

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Hi, all! Warning: this is going to be a long one... I am new here but I have been occasionally browsing through the site since I've again started talking to a first cousin of mine in 2012. (I found you guys through Google, BTW). So, I've been thinking a lot about mine and his rocky past together and I need to let it go. But how do I let it go when I feel so uncomfortable about it? I mean, his mom and my mom (who are sisters) have just stopped arguing about and discussing the issue when him and I reunited on Facebook 4 years ago; it was because I asked them to, though. Anyhow, let me go back and summarize things to the best of my ability. I'm 25 and he's 30. I'm in California, he's in the South. When we first met, I severely offended him and his sisters. But I thought about and still think about the idiot move I accidentally made and am sincerely sorry. However, because I did that, he knocked me down and kicked me-because his sisters told him to, I think. Then, he eventually came onto me all the time and flirted a lot. So, we have always either fought a lot or had sexual relations a lot. I was told we fought worse than a married couple lol. Also, because of my age, I didn't really understand his feelings and intentions. So, that didn't help any tension between us. Anyways, these days we don't talk much on Facebook, just once or twice annually. So, should I still feel uncomfortable and stop worrying? I mean, I asked my mom if she thinks he is still thinking about the past at all and she said "Of course he is. He is a man after all." Well, at least him and I have forgiven each other. I've always looked at him like a big brother. Okay, that's all for now. Can't wait to see everybody's replies!

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georgia, i'm not sure i'm getting the timeline correctly. did ya'll have history prior to four years ago? when you made that idiot move, and he knocked you down and kicked you at his sisters request, was that in your distant past, or was that in 2012? and did he literally knock you down and kick you?

you say you've fought a lot and had sex a lot. sounds like it's a very passionate relationship! but passion isn't always healthy. if your fights have been physical, then you absolutely need to let his go. and depending on the nature of verbal fights, you might should anyway.

it's sad when people use phrases like 'fighting like (or worse than) a married couple'. because healthy married couples know how to disagree and resolve issues without coming to blows. you don't want to aspire to have a marriage full of contention. you want a marriage full of peace. contrary to popular belief, peace and stability do not equal boredom. the opposite is true. once you have a relationship without all the constant bickering and drama, there's far more room for the fun times, the adventures, and the excitement.

i'm going to go out on a limb and assume that your relationship with your best friend is probably a lot of fun times without too much animosity getting in the way, right? that's how a marriage should be, too. that's how any romantic relationship should be. FUN! and safe! and comforting and dependable. so judging solely on the information you've provided so far, i'd say that you should let this one go and move on.

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Thanks for replying! Yes, we have known each other since we were preteens. So all of these things happened a few years ago. He did push me but it was because I was trying to get something out of his hand. I forgot what, though. I totally agree with you, though.

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