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Guest Happiness Pursuer

Crush On Cous & I Think She Has Too

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First of all I'm thankful that such a site exists which supports cousin marriages.

Here's my incident, it may be a little awkward, but seeing other people posting their encounters, I think it won't be much surprising. So, we both are 19 years & are Indians, I live in Bangalore & she in Kolkata. She is my dad's brother's daughter. When we were about 8 years, we visited them & had a sleepover. We sort of cuddled intensely (but I had no intense feelings for her then). Then we sort of had a no. of long Kissing sessions. The same happened a year later. BUT, nothing else happened...

Sadly, there was a family dispute where there was no contact with them for about 9 years. About 3 months ago, it was solved, & we could meet again. Bug as I said I had no special feelings for her. There was like no excitement in meeting her. But I did meet her, & just after talking to her for 2 mins, I felt a bond which I've never ever felt before in my life, not even with my parents or friends. I realized she was amazing & I was so lucky to have a person related to me. But we stayed at their home for only a day as we had to see more relatives & take a tour in nearby places where we never visited before.

I didn't expect that my mind was about to get so made whoopie up after leaving them, it started just about 5 mins after leaving them. Because of that I couldn't enjoy the whole trip. I have 4 more cousin sis & 2 cous bros, but I didn't feel the same with them as I felt with her. And I know she missed me as well, cus she immediately started texting me every 15 mins after I left. Then at one point in our vacation, a close friend of dad's held a get together, where even my Dad's brother was invited. I was so excited about meeting her again that I made a small gift (a handmade band with threads & beads written "BestCousEver"). She too had a gift ready for me, a photo frame of us when we were really young & a handmade card with a really beautiful message about cousins. I didn't see it until we reached our hotel after the get-together. I was about to cry after opening & seeing it but couldn't cus I hate to cry in front of my parents. Then suddenly I felt the urge to hug her but she was already gone after the get-together & felt even more worse. I swear, I never felt anything like this before in my life. This pain brought a lot of changes in me, one's which I'm always happy of & I'm sure that no one else could bring me so much of difference in life. I felt even more greatful that I had met her, even though I had no feelings for her before. And I can say with utmost confidence that she is the only human being in the world I care so much about.

Then one day, we had a Whatsapp conversation of BFs & GFs. She asked me if I had a GF, I said no & strongly believe in finding the right one, & want her to be the only GF & the only wife I'll ever have in my life. But i did say, I had a few crushes. She was happy with that answer. Then I asked if she had one, she said she had fallen for one & there were 3 more behind her. I felt so pissed on hearing that, I wanted to immediately go there & kill those guys behind her & the one she had fallen for. This was the point where I realized that I had fallen for my cousin.

I was so mentally disturbed before this, about how I could love someone so much. I'm a believer of the concept of the soul. I did some surfing and found that what I felt was maybe because that we were really closely related in the past life. This satisfied me to a certain extent. Then I came across Astrology & found that I'm extremely compatible with her. Me a Taurus & her a Cancer. Then I was like 90% satisfied & really happy

I was not that comfortable of the thought of marriage with her, cus our society over exaggerates the fact that close relatives marriage will give a child with many birth defects. But I really liked her & surfed the web for facts, & saw so many facts, surveys by scientists that I felt more encouraged about this thought. Then I came across your site, & now I'm even more eager to make her my life partner. I no longer have any crush on a girl, as I've finally come to know what is true love. 

But I'm scared to ask if she still feels the same. And we won't be seeing each other for another 3 years because of college studies. I want to ask her face to face than on have a chat about it. I really wanna know. But I don't want to spoil the cousin relationship. And if she says no, then it's OK, her happiness is my happiness. 

please help and give me a suitable solution. She is the only person constantly in my head and no one else...


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