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Tom182

One of the worst feelings in the world is not being able to say "I love you" to someone

18 posts in this topic

I made a topic months back so I won't get into the full details but I'll try to keep it brief and aim to sum it up:

  • I developed feelings for one of my female cousins since we went on a family holiday six years ago and they have intensified ever since
  • We flirted with one another but I never said anything as I was worried about the affects it would have on my family, I felt ashamed and fearful of potential rejection
  • I typed out a word document message to her, no intentions of sending it, I just had put down into words how I've been feeling and I read it through now and then, it helps
  • I have massive regret and wish I said something then as she is now in a relationship and I don't want to intrude and also feel like it wouldn't be the right time to do so
  • I stay away from her on social media as it just reminds me of how infatuated I can be, I don't stalk her or anything as that would be weird, I try to forget about her but it's hard

Is anyone else here in a similar situtation or can relate? I think about her everytime I go to sleep or wake up and it's painful because I can't say what my heart wants to say and even though there are other girls out there who are not part of my family, I'm in love with this girl and it's not particulary easy to forget about. Nobody else measures up to her in my eyes. I'm aware I can't really do anything here. I guess I'm just venting as I can't say this anywhere else. I wanted to tell one of my parents but they wouldn't understand or just laugh it off. They wouldn't think it was anything serious or a harmless crush but the truth of the matter is I really do genuinely love this girl and it surpasses the family part :wub:

I just want to say to anyone out there or browsing these forums that if you love someone just tell them even if you're not certain they feel the same way. It's much better than being stuck in the limbo hell I am situated in :(

I wonder if she ever thinks of me, probably not... :unsure:

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I can feel your pain. If she flirted with you, then I assume that now she will understand your feelings. If you think that you should let her know, then do it. 

I told my cousin about how I feel regardless of what he thinks, I feel so relieved and I am not even stressed like before. I am actually happy that I was the first one to acknowledge my feelings lol, I know he won't say anything because if he does the chances are we will mess up. Sometimes you have to take the initiative and say it or it will continue to bother you most of your day. Ever since I told him, I am feeling much better, since I don't thinking about "what ifs". Now, how he feels that's not my problem lol. I am the evil one and he is the nicest one (sometimes it's the other way around). 

Anyway, if you can't stop thinking about her, let her know how you feel and I really hope that she will understand :), if you genuinely feel that you should take a chance then do it, good luck (Y). 

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Thank you for sharing your own experience :) 

To be honest, I believe she has known for a number of years now. Everytime we've gone away, I always tease her and make eye contact a lot. I've not said anything directly but not particularly been sly in displaying how I truly feel either. I've caught her looking at me at times and I just get the impression like me she feels like she has to bottle it up and not say anything as that is supposedly the right decision. 

I want to tell her but it looks like we're not going away this year and she is busy at university. Always planned to say it face to face and not via a text message. Plus I would come across as an a hole somewhat as she's currently in a relationship. Sometimes I just want to text her and get it over with and never turn my phone on again. It's reached the point like you that I'm not completely nervous or scared what the cousin would say. I just want her to know who I am (lyric from Iris) :D

The relief would be astronomical. This has been digging away at me for sometime. Well, six years. I just hope she knows I'm only human. I attempted suppressing it but to no avail. I just don't know how to go about telling her. It's still daunting to me for the most part. Three words feels like the biggest weight on my shoulders. 

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You are welcome,

Be careful when using email or text, there is a possibility of misunderstanding since text and emails lack expressions or emotions. Also, you won't be able to see her reaction and trust me you don't want to miss it. 

We told each other on New Years Eve through a paper game. It was funny when when he said "Say it or I hate you" lol because I wrote 'I ____ U' whereas he had written 'I Like you' lol. 

So when I texted him, I was not worried about his reaction because we used to be together. But, you never said that to her even though she gives you signals. You don't want to misunderstanding her or her to misinterpret your message, so be careful especially if someone has an access to her phone or email. Wait if you can or say it through video call, so that at least you can see her expressions. 

 

Good luck :).

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Missing her emotions and reaction (for better or worse) is primarily the reason why email or text would be the absolute last resort. While I do feel desperate to tell her, I may as well hold off until I can say it directly. That should be worth the agonising wait. The thought of seeing her again keeps me going :)

Aww that's cute. If I could ask, did you tell anyone else how you felt about your cousin before telling him? Only one of my best friends know and while I've wanted to tell a parent (my mum) I just feel that it would be awkward and I don't know how to handle it. Is it worth telling her or not do you think? 

Thanks for the good luck wishes. I just hope I'm not all over the place when it comes to it lol :P

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After texting him, I don't know how to face him lol. Now I want to see his face lol (had a great opportunity but missed it). I am scared though, he might be mad at me lol. It is easy to say anything and everything through text or email, but in real it is hard to express feelings especially when you are not sure about their feelings.

 

To tell you the truth the very first time I saw him live on cam, I fell in love with him. That's when I shared it with my classmate not best friend, just to ask her if it was normal to feel that way. But when, we met in real and fell for each other I didn't feel the need to share it with anyone, it was so intense 24*7 he was on my mind. Just like many other cousin couples, attraction is very strong even people around us can sense it.

Anyway, I know I love him and I will not question his decision, he has a life too apart from me :).

 

 

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12 hours ago, Tom182 said:

Missing her emotions and reaction (for better or worse) is primarily the reason why email or text would be the absolute last resort. While I do feel desperate to tell her, I may as well hold off until I can say it directly. That should be worth the agonising wait. The thought of seeing her again keeps me going :)

Aww that's cute. If I could ask, did you tell anyone else how you felt about your cousin before telling him? Only one of my best friends know and while I've wanted to tell a parent (my mum) I just feel that it would be awkward and I don't know how to handle it. Is it worth telling her or not do you think? 

Thanks for the good luck wishes. I just hope I'm not all over the place when it comes to it lol :P

No you should not tell anyone, it will add more complications. Less people less complications or wait until they ask you or when you and her decide to get married. Otherwise, it will add more confusion and complications.

 

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hey kitten, when ya gonna become a member?

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LadyC,

I am already a member ;). I am just lazy to signin :P.

Quick reply is easy lol.

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LOL i think you should sign in. you can click the 'remember me' option o that you never have to do it again!

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Just to be on the safe side, I don't want to use 'remember me' ;);)

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privacy risks at your home? i understand :)

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1 hour ago, LadyC said:

privacy risks at your home? i understand :)

Lol yes :)

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On Sunday, May 08, 2016 at 3:31 PM, Guest Kittten44 said:

No you should not tell anyone, it will add more complications. Less people less complications or wait until they ask you or when you and her decide to get married. Otherwise, it will add more confusion and complications.

 

Woah, hang on. I don't know 100% how strongly she feels about me yet. That's the sort of scenario I dream up in my head. Oh you texted him? See, if I do that it could end up being awkward the next time I see her whenever that might be. It still might be awkward when I tell her in person but at least I'll be showing some courage and she'll know I have genuine feelings towards her. 

I can relate. When I saw her for the first time six years ago since we were kids (I don't remember that at all) I was taken aback by how stunning she was and still is. Her personality as well of course attracted me. She's given me butterflies ever since. Sorry to ask but did it not work out between the two of you then? 

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We were young, our families knew about us so there was a lot of tension. He asked me to not to visit him or talk to him and he stopped talking to me. The time when we were together, we were just developing strong feelings for each other. We never went out alone or sat down for a chat, we just played around or cuddled, just loved spending time together. 

So when he left me, I moved on but that relationship too fell apart because my ex fell in love with someone else. It was a heart breaking experience, in three years I realized that if the love between two people is not mutual then it's not worth it. 

I cannot deny my feelings for my cousin, I have to live with them. I don't what he is up to, but I am not going to repeat same mistake by moving on with someone else. I have done it once, I gave my 100% but I couldn't stop my ex from finding his true love. 

I personally believe, marriages these days don't last for too long because people are getting married for wrong reasons, I would rather spend my life single than wasting it with someone I don't love.

It's true that I love my family but I have strong feelings for my cousin, I cannot ignore that he drives me crazy, when he is around I just want to see him (I feel tortured when I know he is standing right in front of my eyes but I am not allowed to look at him lol). I wish he was not my cousin lol.

I don't know for how long am I going to live, but it would be nice to have him by my side.

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Sorry to hear that. I'm with you there. I wish she wasn't my cousin sometimes. She's perfect and it tortures me that I act like a lovesick puppy around her yet I don't say anything. I believe it's true what they say about cousin love being fierce. I was in love with two other girls in the past but what I feel now is so much more stronger. 

I hope she doesn't cut off all contact with me. That's what I fear. But I'm going to have to take the leap of faith sooner rather than later. I know what you mean. If I were to get in a relationship now, I think I would still be thinking about my cousin and that would be unfair to the other person. If your heart isn't in it 100% then there really is no point. 

If I could spend my remaining days on Earth with her I would be truly happy.

 

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I love my cousin dearly. But I've never been able to tell her. 😞 Due to a family disagreement, my father did not speak to his sister for nearly 20 years. I did not know I had an aunt until I was 17; I didn't know I had cousins until I was 20. I met my cousin when I was 20 and she was 18. Although we knew we were cousins, we were essentially strangers. We hit it off immediately. I thought she was real cute and liked hanging out with her. Our first meeting was a brief two day visit. We met up again 5 months later for thanksgiving. We spent at least two hours out in the car just talking. I fell in love with her that night. We would only see each other 2 more times over the next 5 years. I never told her how I felt because I didn't think she would feel the same and I didn't want to mess up a great relationship. We would go 18 years before seeing each other again. I loved her the entire time. During that time I got married and she got married, with two kids each. When we finally got together again I was 46 and she was 44. We clicked as if no time had ever passed. We see each other at least once a year now. I am even more in love with her than ever. I can't tell if she has feelings like that for me or not. I sometimes think she may have similar feelings but it could just be wishful thinking. I love her so deeply! I'm never as happy as I am when I'm with her. She is so beautiful, so fun, so amazing!!! I have pain in my heart not being able to love her . I want to tell her so bad, but I am afraid to risk our relationship. I so want her to love me too. It's a love I could never duplicate or substitute. I want so badly to hold her and kiss her. She has always had my heart. I love her so much. I just wish I could tell her. 😞

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