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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Married my first cousin

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I married my first cousin two years ago. We have a child together. I thought once we get married and as time went by I would be less and less uncomfortable about sharing with people how we met, how we know each other. My husband is so great, he takes such good care of me, he spoils me, makes me laugh etc. However there are still days where I question if I did the right thing marrying him, I worry about my children being teased fir his parents being cousins. I'm usually an extroverted person but since marriage I dread meeting new people just because I dread the How did you meet question. In my culture it is not taboo but living in the west has got people in my culture being influenced and thinking that it is taboo, not all of them are like this but there are some. I especially dread going to gatherings hosted by someone as the same ethnicity as me but with interracial marriages in their family. I get so uncomfortable, I get so scared that they might ask how I met my husband. My marriage has turned me into an introverted person. Even with people of my own ethnicity, I feel uncomfortable showing affection to my husband in front of them, just in case they get disgusted by us. Sometimes I wish that maybe if we were first cousins once removed or second cousins I would be comfortable sharing with people. I love him so much, but it's stressing me alot, I hate getting invited to events just because I'm dreading people asking us how we know each other. I dread the judging looks, some might not be judging and I may just be imagining it. How do you deal with this? Do you feel the same way? 

I just hate the shy person that I have become. I hate that now I try my best to avoid social interactions. 

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i get it. it's not a question that comes up often for me, but still does occasionally. there was a time i was all over the media talking about cousin marriage, including mine. i've never been ashamed, and i'm not now. but the older i get, the more i feel that it really isn't something i care to explain anymore. if the question comes up, i answer honestly. but i'd just as soon avoid the question altogether these days.

so let me ask you the same old question in another way. how did the two of you decide to start seeing each other? i'm assuming this wasn't an arranged marriage, right? so there had to be a moment in time when you (and he) thought "hmmm... i think i'd like to get to know him/her a little better". describe that incident to me.

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