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Guest Kittten44

Difficult conversation with a parent

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Okay so today, I came to know why my parents are against cousin marriage or even marrying someone of different race or religion. For them, it is all about their family honour and what the society will think. Though I did not talk about my cousin at all, we were just having a general discussion on the topic of marriage. I asked why does it even matter what other people think? So, no logical answer but repeated same thing that it is all about family honour and family rules. 

They know that they are wrong, but will not bow down because of ego :(. I will never support what people do for the sake of their society because I am not hurting anyone physically or I am not causing a harm to anyone. If someone is angry or gets hurt it's because of their own thinking and their own problem, they can't blame me. 

I concluded that they are stuck with same old stigma of family honour or pride. I find it selfish and mean, and it looks like they are not willing to change with time :(. I wish I could show them that, they are lagging behind and need to change their way of thinking in regards to marriages in general not just between cousins. 

At the end, I finished by saying that I am not going to get married (many reasons) LOL, I wish I could discuss it all with him, then I won't have to share it with everyone. 

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Are they from a culture where society and family honor are of great concern? For some nationalities family honor is everything.... They do not see their way of thinking as being selfish and mean.  They have lived a lifetime believing the way they do and there is nothing you can say or do to change that. Not everyone is willing to examine long-held beliefs.  This doesn't make them mean or hateful, necessarily; it can make them difficult to talk to or reason with.  I would not assume that they know that they are wrong. Most likely, they think you are wrong and too modern, too much of a free-thinker, too influenced by outside sources.

They are your parents and this may just be a topic that you cannot discuss with them. My husband cannot discuss this with his father.  Dad believes what he believes and refuses to look inside his bible to discover if it says what he claims it says, and that is that.  So cuz and dad just don't discuss it. You're gonna have to look for other people to talk about this topic.  But guess what?  That's why this site is here!

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Thanks Serendipity,

Yes, we belong to that culture :(. Because of generation gap, it takes time to explain it to them. I hope they will understand my situation, since all relatives know about us (my cousin and I) I just don't want to take any chance. I don't even know what my cousin is up to, I don't know if he even thinks about me so I am not saying this because of him. It's just there are many other issues in the family, parents are still willing to communicate and understand the situation. But, other people or relatives are the problem they are the ones who can't see others happy, I am worried in general because of them and that's why I have distant myself from most of them.

I wish there was a way to educate them :(. Once I sort out my current problem, I am going to relocate to somewhere else and minimize contact with everyone. I want to live in peace and less stress. I like my cousin, my feelings resurface after seeing him, and since it looks like he is not interested I try not to go in front of him lol (though I really like spending time with him). Our families will be happy too lol, living life alone is not easy so I have plans to adopt kids :). I just hope everything works out. But, in the mean time I will try my best to convince my family that the world is not perfect and it is okay to accept the change. :)

 

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