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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Rosy

In love with my cousins son

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I need advice. I am in love with my cousins son. How am related to his mom is that her mom and my dad are brother and sister. We have been dating for 2 yrs now. I am 36 and his 34yrs. We love each other and want to get married next yr.he preposed and i said yes but we know they family wont allow us. We want to tell them this christmas but we dont knw how. Am scared that my cousin will never talk to me for dating his son. And the family wont allow u but we ve said no matter what we are staying together but i guess its easier said than done. How do we tell our parents? We are so scared.he feels his mom will be disappointed in him.my mom will judge me but i think my dad will understand. Our friends know about us and his sister and they  approve as they see we make each other happy. Please help. 

 

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Rosy,

 So long as it is legal where you are, you two are certainly old enough to make your own decisions as to what you want to do, and what makes you happy. You didn't mention where you are, so, I shan't either. But, as a mod, I do have the ability to have a little peek. I'm not totally familiar with the laws there, but, IIRC, first cousins cannot marry there. From that starting point, you have to determine if first cousins once removed are allowed to marry. If so, you would be free to have whatever relationship, up to, and including marriage, that you so choose. You will want to have a good look at the marriage laws there, and see exactly where you stand.

 IF it is legal, the two of you should really have a good 'ole set-down heart to heart talk, and get on the same page, and determine to stand up to any potential family "bullies" you may have to deal with. 

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hawk, you can't recieve messages. you need to go empty out your inbox... this new forum imported from the old one and it has a limit that you probably have passed years ago. (that's what happened to me!)

guest rosy, i tried looking up the IP address to get your location too. if i'm pulling it up accurately, i thought even first cousins could marry there... but maybe not. in any case, the term for your kinship to your cousin's son is first cousin once removed. you're both adults. what do you mean your families won't allow you to marry? they don't get a say in what you do. at your age, they have only as much control over you as you allow them to have.

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Thanks for the advice and kind words. I live in south africa. Cousins can marry except 1st cousins but tradition might not allow it and our family might fight it till the end but our parents might understand. We would be the 1st cousins who have done this which will make it difficult for family to even understand.but we make each other happy and love each other. I hoping for the best because we cant hide our relationship any longer.

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can you point me to the source that says first cousins can't marry there? i was certain they could. anyway, you're first cousins once removed, which i legal. family members may not like it, but they really can't do a darn thing to stop it. nothing. just go marry and enjoy your life!

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I cleaned out my inbox, so, I think I should be able to get PM's again...

 

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good deal!

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