• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Tom182

When you discovered you had feelings for your cousin, did you feel guilty?

6 posts in this topic

I need to get this off my chest. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way. I know it sounds silly but I beat myself up over it and it's always been there at the back of my mind for six years. I was on my Instagram briefly and a picture from my cousin I have feelings for popped up in my live feed and my heart skipped a beat. I've never fallen this hard for anyone else before. It's frankly ridiculous. I keep asking myself why I can't just get over her. I don't wish to offend anyone that uses this site, far from it but why can't I just live my own life and find a girl who isn't part of my family? Worst part of it is it's not like I can confide in anyone as I'll be percieved as some sort of freak (again, sorry if this offends you) I can't take this anymore. It's highly frustrating. I'm just going to tell my mum and tell her to keep it from my dad. I can't keep it bottled up.

On the other side of the coin, you can't fault yourself for who you love right? I feel like I'm in the middle torn between two extremes. I wish I had never looked at her in that way. If anyone else had serious doubts or backtracked I would be interested in hearing your stories. Love can really mess you up. I don't know what to think anymore?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i think we all did, at some point. i did. i thought i was so wrong, and i wanted God to smack me upside the head with a 2x4.... so i went hunting for that 2x4. i searched the bible trying to find that God would condemn me to hell, thinking that would help me get over my infatuation. 

what i found instead was that over and over, God said "ok" to cousin marriages, and i was so happy, i never again felt any guilt.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Granted I am not a religious man but I do find comfort as you once did in that the bible does not condemn cousin marriages. I just wish the majority of society viewed it in the same light. 

I mean, it's not like she is my sister. It's on my dad's side, his brother's daughter. Call me crazy but I don't find it that bad? I'm more concerned about how her family will take to me if they found out more than her own reaction. I am on very positive terms with them at present but I get the sense I could be alienated in some way should they find out? Maybe they already know. I'm not 100% sure. 

Do you find it easy opening up to others about your cousin relationship if I may ask? 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I kinda feel you.
My story: Was seeing this girl for a year or so. I've never fallen so hard in love before, so much in common that I simply enjoy her presence. I still have feelings towards her but. I tied myself up, so did she I guess... Even tho, we both like each other and we'd probably date if we weren't related. 

So, one day my grandma told me that we are 4th cousins. I didn't feel guilt, I felt disappointment. I was like "This can only happen to me".

I am not a religious person (tho I still celebrate & sometimes attend religious events), I am more into science (in-fact I don't like limiting myself because of religions or some unproven, "stupid" rules), personally I don't care what others do. It's their choice, life..... But personally I have mixed feelings. I'd never date nor look at someone in that way if we were cousins, at least not up to 4th-5th.... 

But yeah, point is... I am having conflicts with myself just like you. Even tho our stories are a bit different, I feel you.
Life is beautiful and mysterious, enjoy it, love her like a person before anything else. You can hug her, cuddle with her, kiss her on the cheek, talk with her, fool around with her, be friends if nothing else. 
You never know, maybe one day you'll fall in love again... With someone else. (Now don't get me wrong... I neither approve nor disapprove of anything, just expressing my opinion).
 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes; I let shame interfere in my relationship with my cousin.  I let way too many years pass before I finally realized that true love was right in front of me all along.

My advice is to take a leap of faith.  Pursue her and see if the two of you are compatible.  Don't wake up one morning and think, "If only..."

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wake up thinking that every day to be honest. I have let six years pass and soon enough it will be seven. I should have said something a lot earlier and got it out of the way but being typical me, I got cold feet and kept putting it off holiday after holiday due to feelings of guilt and shame and how it would affect the relationship between me and her folks. Now she is in a relationship and it looks serious as she has been with the guy for six months. I can't say anything at the moment. It would be wrong. So I just continue to bind my time secretly being heartbroken. For now.

You want to know what the unexpected twist is? I'm pretty sure her sister likes me. She's always playing with her hair when I go visit them. That's another factor as I think she will end up being crushed if she finds out I have feelings for her sister. Ugh what a mess. I love them both from a family standpoint but one deeper than the other obviously (does that make me an asshole or human?) :wacko:

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0