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Here we go again .. :(

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All started about 4 years ago when When she came up for the summer  .. I've never met or have been attracted to a woman like her .. Its deepest type of love I've ever felt for anyone except God .. Long story short .. Ever since I can remember I've had a deep attraction to her  It feels so deep and intense.. She moved up for the summer about 4 years ago .. We started spending a lot of time together , Going to the movies ,I'd pick her up from work we would hang out ..it felt so right ... I remember that whole summer the long periods of eye contact we would share and how close we would sit when no one was around .. She had a boyfriend at the time and he was a really bad guy .. I remember picking her up off the ground when she was crying one day .. All never forget it :( ... A family friend called me out on my feelings for her at a family get together.. I denied it ! Then he said ( you know there is nothing wrong with it ) .. At that point I opened up to him about her , He was completely supportive about it and encouraged me to share with her my feelings ... This is when it got really intense..I wanted to share with my hear so bad !!! It was like I was gonna die inside if I didn't .. I was head over heals for her and I truly believe she new it .. I still remember looking at her in her beautiful eyes and the eye contact was so intense .. One day I texted her and told her I have something to tell her .. It was extremely important and she might hate me ... She said ok ? Days later we went to a concert and in the way home she asked me ..( So what was it you want to tell me ? It can't be that bad ? ) I said it's hard to explained and you might hate me forever .. I just have to tell you .. I have feeling for you ... She kinda giggled lol and said I though it was gonna be something bad lol your fine joe .. And said you will always be family to me though .. :( as we walked up the steps to my moms house we went inside she sat across the room as we talked to my mom about the concert ,Then she made longest eye contact with me I've ever had ... I don't no what to think ? That was 3 years ago we kept in touch through text and snapchat .. On numerous occasions I told her my feeling for her and how she is the most amazing girl over and no matter what I'm there for her .. And she would say ( thank you same to you ).. What does that mean ? She  came up about 8 moths ago .. And my heart felt so raw before her .. Like she is my other half .. It hurt so bad to be around her cause I was trying to cover it .. :( I had to go pray I cried out to God with everything in me and he got me through the weekend ,The day I texted her again feeling .. She told me I will always be family and she didn't see me the same way .. I told her I pray God  changes my heart it yours .. :( .. Since then she con me out of her life .. About 2 weeks ago I was at work welding and user should I just cried out to God again told him how I love her and I pray he change her heart to love me .. About an hour later dad came up to me and said ... Btw did you know cherish is coming up ? ... I was like no .. I didn't ... She will be here in about 2 days .. Everyone that believes in Jesus please pray for me .. That God will work this out .. Or give me a new heart I don't want be on earth anymore if it means all never be with her I believe she was created for m me  .. I dream about her I still love so much .. :(

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