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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Tom182

How many of you out there on this forum have not told your cousin yet?

13 posts in this topic

I'm just wondering as it appears most have and are past that stage. I know you shouldn't always rush into these situations but I just have this feeling of dread and despair that I waited too long (six years) and now I've missed my opportunity for life and it really hurts as I'm never going to love another like this. Yeah, I know that's not entirely realistic but it's how I've felt for a while and it's not going away. Everytime I go to sleep and everytime I wake up I think about the what ifs and the maybe's and it frankly drives me up the wall.

If anyone is still on the fence or scared about will happen or how he/she will react or potential affects it can have on the rest of your family, just ignore those feelings. You need to be selfish just for a moment. I know it can be difficult but just go for it. Letting it just sit there and build up more and more and get bottled up is the worst. Take the leap of faith and no matter what happens at least you can tell yourself you had the bravery and went for it. That will always be admired by another.

I hope this helps someone out there reading this. I just felt like getting this off my chest.

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Told mine a few times over the years thought it was going to happen a few times found that his is just sexual attraction for me but he does care for me just not the "in love" care.  Found a balance somehow but still feels lonely in the morning and at night like you.  Glad I said it don't regret it but will never have what I used to dream of and that has to be okay because I want to remain in his life.

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On 6/28/2016 at 10:58 AM, Tom182 said:

I waited too long (six years) and now I've missed my opportunity for life and it really hurts as I'm never going to love another like this.

what do you mean by "missed my opportunity for life"? 

you can always message her. R u still waiting for that moment?

I am trying to avoid eye contact with mine. I'm a little scared but this not the only reason. probably he didn't like the way I approached  him or maybe don't even want me to message him. I am very sensitive to his reactions. So far, we interacted normally :) in family and friends.

On 6/28/2016 at 10:58 AM, Tom182 said:

 

 

 

 

 

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Oh, I should have elaborated in my opening post. She is currently in a relationship and has been for sometime. Stumbling across a picture with her boyfriend on social media made me feel heartbroken to be honest. Petty perhaps, I couldn't help it. I thought he's really lucky because I've never felt happier than spending time with her and he gets to know that feeling a lot of the time. 

I always felt something like going down the quick text message wouldn't be right. "Hi, hope you're well and by the way I love you." Never going to happen. I actually typed out a long and well written document on word but it's more a template on what I was going to say to her face to face. But god knows how long it will be until it's just us two alone again and the fact she is with someone else just makes me feel like I can't say anything right now. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. 

It's just a horrible state of mind to be in. I want to say something just so I can stop carrying this weight on my shoulders but at the same time I have to respect her too. I would never want to see her not happy. I'm in a state of limbo. Being in love is a blessing and a curse right now. 

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I found out something about him and didn't feel good about it. I am hurt and taking it out on everyone. Feeling frustrated, but no more talking to him :) for his own good. And yes I have to pretend for sometime that everything is okay.. but it really isn't. 

I will still advice you to tell her and do not extpect anything in return :). 

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I don't expect her to feel the same way. Well, I'm not 100% sure because at one stage a few years ago I got the impression she was into me and had feelings but I never acted on it. It's been a while since then. 

But at least I could move on regardless and I wouldn't have to think about this every day. Just frustrating that I am waiting for the right moment but as they say, I don't think there ever is a "right moment."

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People change with time so don't rely on whatever happened in the past. I suggest don't wait just tell her, at most she will cut you out completely from her life, which is fine. At least you will stop dreaming about her. 

I do not want to go into details about my current situation but it is awful. Sometimes I wonder why me, but I am asking for at this time is 'mental strength' to cope with stress.

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Just because she's with someone doesn't mean she's happy.  Who knows maybe if you asked her about her current relationship... Something like "how is it going with so&so?  You've been together  while are you happy?  I've always cared about your happiness...".  Simple and beautiful and should show at the very least you care while opening doors to more conversation.  Just a thought.

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Never thought about it that way. I speak to her sister online and find her easy to talk to but not her really. I don't know what to say. I guess I'm shy and I would feel like I'm intruding in her personal life if I asked about her boyfriend. Her birthday is on Sunday so I can send her a nice message on Facebook at least. Nothing unusual about that.

Kitten, sorry to sound like a child but I don't know if I could take her cutting me off completely. Sorry to hear your own situation has not gone well. Life can be a real pain in the arse and in the heart at times. 

Really appreciate the replies. Even on the internet it's tricky finding a place to be open on a subject like this. 

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I like him, I want him to be happy :) though he hurt me badly. At the same time, I do not want to cry over the disrespect that I received from him. I am not at all sad because of him, in fact he gave me a reason to not to think about him. 

I might sound selfish but I thought I was the only one to think that he is with the wrong person, but no others in the family also think the same. Well, he has already ruined his reputation in family (not because of his gf but because of his actions). I wish him all the best! 
I though he is a nice guy in his family. but he proved me wrong lol. Like I said before, if he decides to move on I will not interfere in his life and so now I won't. 

I am happy that I told him about my feelings and he knows how I felt, but if he is with someone else that is his life and his decision I can not do anything about it and I am not going to cry over him. Chapter closed.

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Why do I keep doing this to myself... Opened up instagram and the first post that pops up from hours and hours ago is her working on her dissertation and there's a mug on her desk that says "I kissy-faceing love you." Probably from her BF (mug had the f word hence the site alteration) 

:( Never felt heartbreak like this before. Without resorting to vulgar language it sucks and it hurts an awful lot. Wish I could confide my true feelings to her. Jimmy Eat World's "If You Don't, Don't" said it best: (and what I find relatable) 

We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand. Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things. Then only to pretend. 

On my life I'll try today. Theres so much I've felt I should say. But even if your heart would listen, I doubt I could explain. 

That last line is completely me in a nutshell. I don't know how to express how I feel. She's a part of my family yet I clearly love her more than that. How on earth do you convey that :(

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hmm before you love someone else, love yourself! 
You love her and she has no idea about that, so you are the only one who is hurting yourself and only you can help yourself. 

Tell her that you like her more than friends or cousins.. no long essays or even explanation. Just keep it short and wait for what she says, respect her answer and move on with your life.
 

If she is like my cousin, "kissing his gf and yet calling me on the dance floor to dance with him"  then the best thing for you would be to keep her out of your life. He didn't say anything bad to me, but whatever he did was very disrespecting to me. 

So, if your cousin gets angry or something then apologize and never bring up this topic ever again and keep her out of your life. :)

Right now YOU are the reason for your sadness. Figure out a way to come out of it.

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I have been battling depression for a number of years so loving myself isn't always easy although I do try and have good days.

I'll have to bite the bullet and message her with a short message because I can't go on like this. I have to be selfish after six years of doing nothing.

I don't think she would do something so cold like that. She is a very nice person and if anything I doubt she would ever bring up the subject of her BF around me after I tell her as that would just get me down again.

Hopefully it won't come to keeping her out of my life but if it comes to that, I'll do it. Done it for others in the past and it helped the healing process. I'm not going to apologize for how I feel though. I refuse to be shamed for it.

I need closure.

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