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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Bobert

Help us please

5 posts in this topic

Hello, all. I'm going to cut to the chase me and my first cousin (her father is my fathers brother) have officially entered into a relationship. We have been off and on for almost 6 years and finally decided that it wasn't worth the effort to try and stay apart any longer. Unfortunately, we chose to do this at a bad time. We are in trouble to say the least and have to rely on family. When the family found out for sure (they had always been suspicious since we met) they did not approve I tried explaining that we were happier than we had ever been even with all the bad that is going on right now. This did not matter to them they said we were sick and perverse and that it had to stop and that it was going to stop. We don't care to lose them as bad as that sounds but with the current mess we find ourselves we need them. I have been told by her father that I should be the man and end it but i cant bring myself to rip her heart and mine out to do so. It doesn't help that the state I currently live in it is a class c misdemeanor for us to be together and depending on how all the bad stuff falls we may not have the ability to leave state. Both mine and her father have used the bible heavily in their arguments and quite honestly i just want some help i doubt anything will change their minds but support or advice would be nice from like individuals. Thanks for whatever you say. 

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how exactly have they used the bible heavily in their arguments? by whacking it on your head? because if they were READING their bibles, they'd find that God's word is entirely supportive of cousin marriage. maybe that's where you need to start. study up on scripture for yourself so that you can counter every attack they make. you've got the solid ground here. they don't.

i wish i could say do whatever you have to do to make it work without them, but i don't know your circumstances. still though, nearly all of us have fallen on really hard times before, and many of us have had to find ways to make it without family support. have you exhausted all other options? state and federal assistance, food banks, even shelters? you might have to struggle through some real crap without their help, but here's the up-side to that... it will show them that you are serious and will not be manipulated. you can tell your family that THAT is the true measure of a man. breaking up with the one you love because you're being told to is the measure of weakness.

don't be weak.

(ps, i'm assuming as i write this that you two are legal adults....)

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This is my post for clarity. Its sad really because they cant quote scripture they basically just keep repeating that it is sick and wrong and that if we continue we are going to hell. And these are the type of people that even if you showed them solid evidence they will stick with what they want to think is right. without giving to much away the help we are needing from them right now is legal like i said we fell on hard times and made a stupid decision. They know good lawyers and have the assets she needs that i cant provide right now. I had already made up my mind as to whether or not I would do what they wanted and I simply can't but as I say this i would never try to stop her if she was convinced to leave me(she has kids and they have used them against me in their argument). And yes we are both currently legal adults but in fairness when we met and this all kinda started she was underage. Thank you by the way reading your words during this extremely difficult time really help.

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well tell them until they can show you where in scripture it shows that you will go to hell, that they need to come up with better arguments. (and then study up on our religious info pages just in case. you can access them using the menu at the top of this page (and every page of the forum.)

the needing them for legal help is a tough one. i often tell college students that if mom and dad are paying the tuition, they still have to follow their rules unless they want to risk losing that support. and being a mom, i totally understand why she might be willing to sacrifice her relationship with you for the sake of the kids. but since she's the one in need of their help, let HER make that decision. don't cave in to your family to be the one to break things off. that needs to be her choice.

in the meantime, you might look into a company called legal shield. i was a member 30 years ago... my daughter is a member now. they charge like 20 bucks a month and for that price you get all sorts of legal help and consultations for no extra cost. they even handle civil court cases... and although they don't cover criminal cases, they might give you invaluable information on where to obtain help that you can afford without the strings attached to your family.

keep us posted on what happens!

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Let me begin by saying that you need to confine posts on the same topic to one thread.  You will get better responses when you put all the pertinent information into one thread. I responded to another thread you had started. But enough of the reprimand....

You are in a bind.  She has kids that she needs to support. And if she is not working to support them and has to rely on her parents for support, then she has to be committed to being respectful of their rules, no matter how inane those rules may be. It just may be that the two of you will need to put a kibosh on a relationship until you can figure out how you are going to live; you know - food, shelter, clothes - and how she's gonna support her kiddos.  The children must come first.

Look, KY is not going to throw you in jail for having a romantic interest in your cousin.  There COULD be legal problems if the two of you marry in that state.  As long as you're not married, you can tell everyone else to go jump in the lake. Y'all's families can holler till they're red in the face, but it won't make a bit of difference. If you decide to marry once you get your lives sorted out, then move to a more friendly state.     (And that is my completely unauthorized, non-legally binding advice on that topic.  Seek professional legal advice from someone who is qualified.).  

Whatever your legal troubles, you need to get that taken care of.  Immediately.

The two of you have some serious work before you can move forward.  Whatever you decide to do, you must put the welfare of the children first.You are not in an impossible situation, but most definitely in a difficult one.  Make a plan, take care of your legal situation, look night and day for jobs and then take steps to see if you can make a go of this relationship.     

 

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