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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Artie

I'm really scared

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Guest Artie   
Guest Artie

So I'm marrying my first half cousin this month. Both our immediate family and other extended family have been very accepting. We both live in California and I am moving to his area which is about an hour away.  With that said some family members are starting to spread that we're cousins getting married. I thought this could be for the most part kept secret but now I realize this could spread fast. I find myself feeling really scared. I've always been a people pleaser and am scared to disappoint others and worry about their perception of me. How do I not let how people think of me bother me? I feel almost paralyzed with fear thinking of my work family and others finding out. Please help me. 

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Serendipity    68

Either hold your head up high and be proud of your union or back out now before it's too late.  Cousin marriage is legal in CA so there is nothing to fear.

None of us can tell you how to be self-confident and fearless.  That has to come from you.  YOU have to make the decision to live life on your own terms; no one else can do that for you.

When I was in college and taking voice lessons (I was a piano major with my 2nd instrument being voice), during one lesson my freshman year my teacher stopped me right in the middle of the aria I was singing and reprimanded me for being self-centered.  I was shocked and offended because I always considered myself as being thoughtful and compassionate towards others.  His point was that I was letting my own insecurities get in the way of the music.  I needed to stop worrying about what he or anybody else thought about the quality of my voice and just let my voice be the medium for the music.  That exchange changed my life in many ways. Not only did I begin to make music in a much less self-conscious way, but I also started to let go of some of the baggage of self-doubt and insecurity that I had learned in my growing up years.

I give you this same advice.  Stop being so self-centered. People will think will they will think.  They will do what they will do.  You should be the same way

 

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Tom182    5

Serendipity is right. There will always be those that think differently to the way you do and have different opinions. If you love this person then you have nothing to fear. Do what makes you happy and don't live your life for others. I know that can be difficult but you should be proud of finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. If others can't accept that who's loss is it really?

 

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Guest Maquis   
Guest Maquis

If you love her you shouldn't have problem telling other people she is your cousin.  Look, I am from Hong Kong.  The richest guy there actually married his first cousin and nobody ever said a thing.  Ever.  In fact, one fifth of the married couple in the world are cousins.  It's more common than you think. Now man up and face the world.  You don't have to conform to others beliefs.  Just be yourselves.

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