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Tom182

Is cousin love the most fierce type of love there is?

9 posts in this topic

I'm throwing this question out there because I had been in love about three times prior to falling heavily for my cousin the past six years and I have never known anything as strong within me currently. This will sound cruel but I think back to the other girls I liked and think to myself: "How was I stuck on her for so long?" :huh:

It was her birthday yesterday and I sent her a funny GIF message on Facebook (not your standard boring happy birthday) and she liked it and gave back a nice comment which just made me feel so happy :wub: I shouldn't be this head over heels for her but I feel powerless and I embrace it. I'm assuming you too have felt this sensation at one stage. 

I visualise kissing her and my heart skips a beat. I'm really envious of those of you who have had success with winning your cousins affection. I want that more than anything she means everything to me :)

One day she will know. 

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Yes it is! I did not grow up with my first half cousin. The first time I had seen/met him I don't remember but one time we had a gathering at his house and I needed his help and the whole time I kept looking for him. I actually wanted to play matchmaker and set him up with my friend. But he started texting me everyday and then we started spending hours a day on the phone at first I thought "I would really like a husband like him" then before I knew it I started to think "I want him to be my husband" when I confessed my feelings to him one night while watching a movie we held hands throughout the whole movie. Once it was finished he put his arm around me and I asked him "Do you think our relationship is weird?" He said "Like romantic?...I don't think so." So I asked him "How would you feel if I started dating someone tomorrow?" He automatically said "Heartbroken." We both agreed at first we wouldn't pursue it because our families wouldn't approve. But our love was too intense and I found it comforting that he was family. We both agree that we've never loved anyone the way we love each other and that we would fight to be together and marry each other. Everybody who knows us feel and see we are deeply in love. The stress of many being against us is scary, and we've tried to stay apart but never have been able too. We are now going to marry soon. I hope you can share your feelings with your cousin soon.

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honestly, no. 

the fiercest kind of love is the love between God and humanity.

and second to that probably is the love between a parent and child... which is an exact reflection of the love between God and humanity. there are some exceptions of course. not every parent has an unconditional love for their children. those parents need more of God.

and even if you're talking strictly about romantic love, being cousins really isn't a part of the equation. now, the taboo can make it seem fiercer, and youth can also contribute to that, but in the long run, true romantic love is going to be just that fierce whether it is with your cousin or not. cousin romances are just as subject to being destroyed by selfishness, adultery, drugs, alcohol, or just lack of communication as anyone else. and on the flip side, non-cousin romances are just as capable of burning hot and bright for a lifetime as an cousin romance. it's a matter of finding the right person, not whether the right person is related.

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That is a beautiful story Artie and thank you for the well wishes :) I can only hope mine has an outcome as fulfilling as that. I'm aware of the predictable family reaction but I am going to finally tell my mum this week at least. At first I felt guilt but after six years it comes down to do you really love this person? Yes I clearly do, and that is all that matters. I don't care what others think. 

She is currently in a relationship though so admittedly I am heartbroken. I should have told her years ago but I'm hoping I will get another chance. Tried forgetting her but I can't. It's impossible and I don't want to forget. I still love her. Even if I wanted to, how could I? She is still family. She'll always mean a lot. I would never discard her like she meant nothing. 

All valid points LadyC. I really want her to be the right person. She is in my eyes and in my heart. Sorry if I sound selfish. I know it needs to work both ways. 

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tom, you don't sound selfish, you sound hopeful. and there is nothing wrong with that! keep your heart open though! don't waste a whole lifetime longing for someone when God may have someone even more right waiting around the corner.

back when i was in my 20s, i was deeply in love with a fireman. i'd never felt for anyone the way i felt for him. i loved him desperately. we dated for two years, and then one day he stopped coming around. three or four months later, he called me. from a payphone in the rain. now i know that you're probably too young to grasp the significance of that, but to me it plays in my head like a rerun of an old classic movie or something. he stood there in that payphone for two hours, with the rain pouring around him, while i cried and cried and cried over the news he'd just told me. he was getting married to a woman he'd met right before he'd broken up with me.

what man does that? who calls an ex-girlfriend and then STANDS in a phone booth for two hours while their heart is breaking? he cared. on some level, he loved me. he had to. nobody does that. nobody is that compassionate. heck, i don't think i would even be that compassionate.

i prayed, i cried, i healed. i found peace with it, but only because i was convinced that somewhere down the road, God would bring us back together... that even if it meant when we were old and grey, we'd find our way back to each other.

i'm so glad that after a few years, i was able to open my heart to someone else. and when that happened, he was still so much on my mind that i contacted him to let him know i was getting married. he wished me well.

listen, tom, it's been more than 20 years since my fireman and i went our separate ways, and i still think fondly of him. he frequently crosses my mind. but now, instead of thinking 'yes, someday when we're old and grey God will still bring us together' i pray that God will never allow such a circumstance to happen, because i can't imagine life without mark. trying to think of what a marriage to the other guy would have been like is impossible now, because there's just no way he could ever compare. 

now i know you might be thinking 'well yeah, but mark's your cousin and the other guy wasn't'. that's not the point of my story. the point of my story is that i loved that other guy as deeply and desperately as you love your cousin. i really thought he was the only one i could ever love so completely. but God had someone better in mind, and if i'd allowed myself to just keep waiting and waiting for 'someday' to happen, i'd have missed out on the biggest blessing of my life. i'll be honest, there were times i questioned that blessing, because mine and mark's marriage hit a ten year rough patch at one point, but we got through it. and the fact that we did get thru it is proof that when God puts two people together, it's a love that can overcome anything. 

so i'm not saying give up hope of someday, i'm just saying be open to what God has in store for you today, or tomorrow. don't lock your heart up in a little box holding out for a someday that may not ever happen. allow it to love again.

that reminds me of another story. my sister-in-law (also my cousin) married briefly when she was 19. she married someone else, had a child, and stayed married for 36 years. then her world came crashing down around her and she thought her life was over. until guess who stepped in? her first husband, recently widowed himself, was back in her life. they had a lot in common, a lot each of them could relate to and understand. and now they're married. again. 

so maybe there is a future for you and your cousin. maybe there isn't. but don't worry about whether there is or not. live your life for now, and let the future take care of itself.

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Thanks for the helpful advice LadyC. I completely understand what you are saying, it's just when I get stuck on someone it takes what seems like a lifetime to get over them. The only change this time round is that I am related to the person so it makes it that much more difficult (or at least it feels that way to me) I'm only 24 but any girl I meet now I would subconsciously be comparing them to my cousin. It's petty but I don't think my heart would be in it and it wouldn't be fair to that person. But I can't go on punishing myself for this. I really am at a loss at what to do here. I am hopeful, but I'm aware that hope can also be dangerous. I have been in this situation many times before. I don't open up my heart much to anyone and when I do it takes forever for it to happen again. It's already been six years but the feeling wasn't as strong as it is now. I want to think there could be someone else and perhaps there is perhaps not but she's so ingrained in my mind I just can't think that way at the moment. I feel like I am in limbo pulled between two extremes :wacko:

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hey, i compared mark to the fireman too, in the beginning. that's  ok! it didn't take too long before i realized that mark as the better catch :) i still thought of the fireman daily for a long time... and often still do compare them. and mark is still the one i'm glad i married.

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As far as romantic falling in love, soul fulfilling, almost mind reading to a level of best friend combined with an undeniable chemistry and magnetic experience when your eyes meet... Hands touch... Or a laughter errupts... Yes.  For me, this type of love or level (outside of others ie parenthood) is far stronger than any romantic feeling I have ever felt for another and I honestly do not think another will truly have my heart (romantically) because it will always belong with him.  ALWAYS.

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Tom I think you should be with her but wait until her relationship is over.

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