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carthapango

Family disapproval

2 posts in this topic

Hello,

We had serious talk a couple of months back with each of our family. (She is my second cousin once removed; both above 21.) Both fathers were very much against this relationship; our mothers less so, but the adults have misgivings about the other family. In short, we are in a difficult position, notwithstanding our cousin relationship.

After some more discussions with my parents (well, mother), I made it clear that we are still seeing and learning more about each other. We are of course not set for marriage yet, though right now I do not see any reason why I would not want to be together with her. We really want to have as much opportunities as possible to be together, and do lovely things that couples do and enjoy each other's company. She is in Canada and me the States, so some travel is needed.

Sadly, my cousin is currently still going to college, and is staying with her aunt to save on rent. Her aunt shares all things she does with her Mother, who keeps a tight reign on her despite her age. I want to see her, but the last time she told her family she wanted to come see me, she got a good scolding, and her Dad even said he would not give her money to finish the course. (I doubt he really meant it) Her being financial dependent is something that hinders our plans a lot, for I do not want to act in disrespect toward her parents.

The most drama-free way for us now is for me to quietly come visit her without letting the relatives find out. but we also debate if further conversations can sway the family's opinions. I have not read much stories about how people deal with family disapproval. Has persistence paid off for anyone? Or should we just take responsibility and take things into our own hands? We are both "good" kids growing up, so I hope you nderstand  the dilemma this is giving us.

P/s I personally think as parents it is not reasonable to control your child like that. Her parents are as much against her sleeping overnight at another's house as they are about our relationship. But she is abroad and they rely on pulling the relatives' strings to keep check on her. I will not do that for my own kids once they are in college, unless I know they need help or are about to do something really dumb.

 

Any advice or banter is appreciated. Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

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well you're wise to recognize that while she is dependant on them for financial assistance, keeping peace is pretty important. but you're also very right that they are being unreasonable... both in how they are manipulating and controlling her through blackmail (do it our way or we'll stop paying for college), AND in the fact that they don't want you two together. for crying out loud, you're 2nd cousins once removed. maybe they just need educating on the subject. there are absolutely no moral, genetic, or legal reasons for you to not date (or eventually marry if you choose to pursue it that far).

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