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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
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Advice- I want to stop

4 posts in this topic

Hi

Me and my cousin have been best friends for a few years now. He lives in a different country and we didn't grow up together. Just a few holidays. We've mostly communicated through whatsapp chatting for hours everyday. We were very close but it was strictly as a brother sister relationship. We told each other everything and loved each other alot as friends. We were best friends. A few months ago the topic of sex came up. One thing led to another and we ended up sexting. I wish I had stopped it then but I guess it was exciting and taboo so I let it carry on. This was 9-10 months ago. We carried on this friends with benefits thing sexting often, using the phone and eventually Skype.  I did regret it and tried a few times to stop it all but he was always able to persuade me to carry on. At one point he said can't see me as just a cousin anymore and that if I want to stop then we shouldn't talk anymore. At first we talked about sex as a fantasy but then we wanted to do it in reality. As we were best friends who sext we started to develop feelings for each other. We loved each other as bf/gf. This was around 4-5 months ago. I really do love him like that and he makes me so happy. But we can't ever be together since he's in a different country and it would always be a long distance relationship. So I wanted to end it again as it will have to end eventually. But he reacted really badly to this, said he wanted to marry me and that he can't live without me. He became very depressed and sometimes suicidal. I was terrified something will happen and was really worried about him. I tried to explain to him that I will always be his friend and will always be there for him but he wanted me as a lover. After some time we agreed we'll be friends but will spend one night together when he comes for holiday. So again we were in a friends with benefits situation. But eventually we developed those feelings again and I love him. Now I don't know what to do. I want to end it completely but I'm worried how he'll react. I want him in my life but as a friend only. I feel lost without him. I really regret starting all this months ago. Biggest regret of my life. I desperately miss our old relationship. 

Thank you for reading all this. I just wanted to get it off my chest and see what advice others can give. TIA

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How old are you two?

If you are 18 yrs old or younger - STOP THE SEXTING NOW!  

If you are over the age of 18  -STOP THE SEXTING NOW!

This is a guy you wanna steer clear of:  You've never spent any significant time together face to face and now he is threatening suicide if you don't marry him.  Gimme a break.  

You are allowing him to manipulate you and you don't deserve that.  You understand the reality of your relationship: that the distance between you makes it nearly impossible to move forward and that it has become nothing but a friends with benefits deal (and even then the benefit ain't that great, IMHO).

You need to delete his phone number and email, remove him from all social media and move on with your life.  Accepting the end of a relationship is never easy, but it does get easier as time moves on.  You say that you regret all this - then go with your gut and put an end to it.  You will never have your "old relationship", at least not in the near future.  For now, you need to cut all ties and let your heart heal  - who knows, Mr. Right might be just around the corner....

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Thank you for your advice. You're right, I guess I just wanted to hear it from someone else. Haven't been able to discuss this issue with friends/family for obvious reasons. 

We're both in our 20's. I will always love him and think of him fondly especially my memories of him before we started sexting. But I need space from him and will cut ties. I hope we're able to be platonic friends some time in the future but it's not possible at the moment. 

This is a great website. It was the first time I told someone about our 'relationship' and I;m grateful for your feedback.

Thanks 

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