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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Etta

Just met him...

19 posts in this topic

Hi. It's been a while since I've visited, and I'm no longer interested in "him." 

But, recently I went on vacation and was to be picked up by a cousin. I never met him before but just knew he was the cousin that was supposed to pick me up. So I jumped up, we hugged, and immediately he smiled, looked at me and said "I wish you weren't my cousin." I blushed because I was feeling the same exact way. We got into his car, checking each other out as he drove to my vacation spot with another relative.

Anyway, during that short time I'm completely smitten by him. I wouldn't call it love, nor even like but it's something. He's not even what you would call handsome but in a way he is. 

This week I'm leaving for home, and asked him if he would drive me to my pickup spot. He immediately said yes, giving me an incredulous look as if saying why did I have to ask. (ok, it was really like ("yeah!").

However (I forgot to include this), he told me today that since we are family, and have the same genes, we have the same feelings. What do you think that means? I also told him today that I'm seriously thinking of finding a way to relocate in his state. He seemed pleased, as in "good!

 

 

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18 hours ago, Guest Etta said:

I never met him before but just knew he was the cousin that was supposed to pick me up. So I jumped up, we hugged, and immediately he smiled, looked at me and said "I wish you weren't my cousin."

Interesting.  He immediately said that he wished you weren't cousins?  I find that either hard to believe or very creepy if indeed it is true.

18 hours ago, Guest Etta said:

However (I forgot to include this), he told me today that since we are family, and have the same genes, we have the same feelings. What do you think that means?

I think this means that he is a creep.

 

18 hours ago, Guest Etta said:

I also told him today that I'm seriously thinking of finding a way to relocate in his state. He seemed pleased, as in "good!

 

Please, please, please tell me that you are not thinking of relocating because of him.

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i think he knows of your previous interest in a cousin and sees you as an easy mark.

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Well, I was considering relocating long before I met him, simply because I do have history/memories in that state. 

Yet I will admit that the other reason is, yes, because of him. 

His mother is my great Aunt, being my father's mother's sister. So that means she's my great Aunt, and therefore my second cousin. 

Anyway, while talking with my Aunt while here, she revealed to me that he's been married at least twice, and it didn't work out. He has a number of serious health issues. 

Anyway, thanks for your response and since I asked I'll definitely give it serious consideration.

 

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Oh, he definitely doesn't know of my previous cousin interest. Nope.

Well, at least I never told him. No need to.

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Well that's that. Just found out he's no good. 

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if his mom is your great aunt, he's your first cousin once removed, not your second cousin. (just fyi)

 

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Thanks LadyC. 

I was staying/vacationing with my aunt/his mother for a week. Like I said it was agreed that he would take me to the bus station tomorrow morning. Actually, because I just love old homes, he was supposed to take me on a sightseeing tour of old homes today in his state. That never happened. Even his mother wondered what happened. No calls, nothing. She called, left messages. Nothing. Finally he calls and says he can't take me to the bus. Where his mother lives there is no public transportation, so now his mother had to make calls to find someone to take me. She has a car but because she's 92, he doesn't want her on the road especially early in the morning. 

Anyway, she found someone but at the last moment the person realized they can't. No problem with that person, things happen. 

All of a sudden my cousin calls again saying he's coming over. I'm upset by now thinking how in the world am I getting home? And not only that but his mother needed a case of water and because I answered the phone, she told me to tell him about the water. I did. His response for me to give to her? "I'm not bringing any water." I might have gasped at, not so much the words but his tone, so he said to let him speak to her. I did.

Finally he came over with the water, we politely greeted each other, he sat down. His mother and I were looking at TV (Criminal Minds), and I made a comment to my aunt about one of the actors how handsome I think he is. My cousin seemed disturbed (the actor really is very handsome, it wasn't all makeup). 

Then I guess he felt he'd better explain himself because I guess he felt the chill in the air. I actually paid hardly any attention to him, looking at TV and playing with my phone during commercials. 

Then he abruptly ask when am I coming back. Now prior to today I had plans to go back next month or September. But instead told him I'm not sure, though what I really wanted to say was not ever. The reason he asked was because he wants to take me on the old house tour anyway, even stating the best days to come. I have no plans to return. Ever. 

 

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the actor.... shemar moore? :wub:

so did he take you to the bus then? a guy that treats his mom like that will treat a wife the same.  better off without him.

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Shemar Moore? Oh no, but rather the head of the team whose name I forgot. Shemar Moore, to me, is just a pretty boy, common. 

And my cousin! Yep much better off without him. I mean, just because a person does something one time (well one time at least in the short time of knowing him) it doesn't necessarily mean it's how they are in general. Other factors could be at play. Yet something tells me that, in this instance at least, he's not a man who keeps his word. And keeping your word is very important to me, it's one of the things I look for in a man, barring any emergencies. I'm trying to tell myself (translation: convince myself) that at least he tried to explain himself when he came over. But all the talking/thinking in my head won't do it. He's not someone I want to be with. 

(And here it's only 4:19am. He's supposed to take me to the bus later on this morning). 

 

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I'm on the bus now on my way home. I'm done. 

He picked us up after much ado about all of this. In the car he asked if i was ok, just sleepy. He then said "I was wondering because you're quiet...which is good." Yep, a creep. 

Then at the station and after making certain I was actually on the bus, we hugged and all he said was "good to see you" and he was gone. That was that.

I'm definitely not going back down again (Virginia). I went because I haven't seen my aunt in years, nor been in Virginia longer than that, so figured it would be good and to see her, not knowing that I would be a little strung out afterwards. She wanted to know why I was upset about the bus situation. So whIle explainining it, she felt I shouldn't raise my voice and the next I know, she's approaching me with fists raised. I couldn't believe it! Of course that didn't help matters. Yes, this 92 year old woman was going to hit me?! Are you kidding or what? Later on she said she felt like hitting me, and I calmly said "if you had I would have hit you back." I told her that her nephew, my father, used to abuse my mother, I was abused, raped by my stepdad, and I'm not going to allow abuse...from anyone! She apologized, then afterwards told a boldface lie "I didn't know that was a threat. Now I know what a threat is." Baloney! 

I'm done!

 

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I've been real busy once home.

Anyway, I'm home...almost a week now and it feels good. 

And yes he took me to the bus terminal...with his mother in tow because "I want to see you off, unless you don't want me to."  What could I say? In the car he tried to make small talk, about the deer that ran in front of the car (too sweet), his having to go to the foot doctor, etc. 

By now we're on the line and with the drivers' permission he got on with me, put my second piece of luggage in the overhead compartment. I had my back turned, reason I don't really know. He hugged me tight and just like that he was gone. The bus going home was really full so I chose a seat next to a man (who had me laughing almost all the way). But this was interesting. My seat mate and I introduced ourselves. One topic led to another and he was shocked when I told him that "my man" was my cousin! I was shocked just hearing that. So I asked him how he figured my cousin was my man. He said by the way he was looking at me, held me when we hugged goodbye, "I was watching" my seat mate confided. Well, as a girlfriend said "other men can tell those things."

Anyway, I'm finally home, happy. But I'm still a little burned by his callous actions so I called him and now I'm really burned up, realizing though we just met he was flirting off. 

I rhetorically asked him, among other things "do you realize/know you were flirting with me?! I told him I never want to see him again, have nothing to do with him...WHATSOEVER! And hung up. But not before him telling me "I was only kidding with you."

He immediately called back and left a message because I refused to answer. It was, among other things "you're blowing things out of proportion, you're making things out of what's not there" etc.

He called again the following morning three times, all within about five minutes of each other. I refused to answer. Then next I went I made a not too frequent McDonald's visit, eating my chicken sandwich while playing with my phone and saw I had a message (while trying to figure why I had not heard it ring) and it was from him. "Can we talk? We need to talk. You need to forgive. I don't know what I did wrong." 

Unbelievable!

 

 

 

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you should be able  to block calls from his cell number. some plans offer that at no charge, even.

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He's a child.  

Adios.  Arrivederchi.  Sayonara.  Au Revoir.  Ciao.  Auf Wiedersehen.

  

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"He's a child." You're right. 

It's interesting you said that because while in Virginia his mother commented that "sometimes he acts just like a child." And this is a 76 year old man she's talking about, not a teenager or a twenty/thirty something. One day after he got back from taking her to a doctor visit we were talking. She got up, and I made a comment on her slipper socks (a beautiful pink). Yes, perhaps it was rude to switch from talking with him to his mother. She told me how she got them, and showed another pair, a blue pair. Yes, I tried to get back to him but heyyy, this is his mother...92 years old.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him and oh my goodness...did I see him sitting there and sulk!? So I tried again to get back to him. Finally he just got up, mumbled something, and left. The way my aunt's apartment is made, I was able to see him outside, and he momentarily just stood there with his head down on the way to his car. Was he upset because I momentarily ignored him? If he was it's unbelievable! 

He went to a party in Atlanta, Georgia after I left. I knew about it because he told me about it. He went because he's looking for wife number three. Yes, he's divorced. And while I have no idea how long he's been divorced, according to my aunt he told her "God must be punishing me for what I've done to my wives." Done to your wives? Scary.

According to him my daughter-in-law (when my son and family were there) said she has some girlfriends so she'll put the word out. I have a mind to tell her not to, but she's grown and will do what she wants. 

 

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He's 76 years old?????

Your cousin.  The one you've been posting about it 76?  Are we to assume that you are in that age range also?

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Been real busy. But yep he's 76 and I'm not too far but wayyy younger. Does it really matter? I mean, yes it does in a sense as far as experience is concerned yet, because we're human, there always lessons to be learned. 

He's very close to his mother, yet I sense an exasperation from him. Immediately after picking me up from the bus terminal, while riding he began giving me his mothers resume sort of, as if trying to convince me that she's put together. And though I love my aunt, she's quite a force to be dealt with and I'm not saying that to praise her. 

It was from her I learned of his two failed marriages, prostate cancer, etc. They both get on the phone and talked terribly of his brother, then turn around and greets him like nothing was said about him. I like his brother, not in any romantic way of course, he's quiet, non assuming. The only thing i've  seen about his brother, at least while there, is he has a tendency to get lost, and his punctuality needs working on. But then that's how most of us are. So I really don't see what the problem, the real problem, is about his brother. 

While there, momma puts my cousin down. One time, after getting her home from a doctor appointment, he's walking out on the way home, she runs to him with "do something about that house." He says nothing, hangs his head and walks on. Then after he's gone he tells me how messy his house is. 

I try to counter that by giving him respect in the way I speak and talk to him, whether it was in person while there, or via phone now that I'm home. While there she showed me a picture of me when only six yrs.old (I was sooo cute with my little coat, laced up shoes, bag and hat). Anyway, while she's looking for it, he kept trying to prevent her by saying how would know if I even want to see it. I gave him a smile, reassuring him that it'll be okay. And it was though truth be told, though I knew it was me, at the same time I have no memory of me standing in that picture. 

I want to go back soon, and not just to see him, but one to see my aunt, and get away again. I'm looking at next month, called him this week and told him. But because he's planning to go to his hometown for a couple months for business, he won't be able to pick me up (I could tell it wasn't pleasant business because he literally said "I gotta take care of this..." then gave a low groan. Then "it was good hearing your voice again, we'll talk soon more soon." Between me and you (yeah right. Lol), I think it's something I don't want to even talk about. Why? Because of my past with men...domestic violence, and once a Victim Services Officer once suggested I check men out I meet I'm now in the habit of doing so. So I went online one day after returning home to check out cousin. While I don't have the minute details, yet, it did surprise me to see over ten, that is...OVER 10 general unlawful listings of him! And YES, in case you're wondering, it was DEFINITELY him! No mistake. And that Victim Services Officer who told me to check out men I meet? It was a man, an absolute no nonsense person, and I know just how to reach him. Does this sound like I'm avoiding the issue? Well, that's because I guess I am. 

 

 

 

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I think your earlier instinct to have nothing more to do with him should be heeded.

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I found out what the problem, the real problem, is. 

It's mom. Yes, I am very aware that he is indeed a grown man, yet it seems like monma, my aunt, has some sort of hold on him. Or, maybe it's just me? 

Without boring y'all I'll start from last month while there. We were at an event, and two women came up to her to talk, obviously haven already known mom. I'm watching my aunt and could hardly believe what i saw. She sat there stoned faced as the women were talking to her. Now you may feel that's how she is/was with all the women who approached her while my cousin was in view. Not so. Other women she welcomed, even introducing them to me. 

Today, I called her to check on her, she's 92. I had previously mentioned I'm planning to move down there, spoke about it to one of my sons, and he called her to chat too. She told me he callef. All of a sudden, she doesn't think it's a good idea (what a change from last month!), that it's a big change, and began sharing what adjustment she had to make. She also knows of my desire, thus plans to learn how to drive which is a must in Virginia. She doesn't think that'sa good idea too, since it's "bad in Virginia." Does she realize, really realize that i come from NYC, the baddest city to drive in? 

But she wasn't through with her obvious attempts to stop me. Because he told me upon we meeting each other last month, that he is looking for a wife, i made mentionto momma of how is that coming along with him (I know, i know...bad move on my part). And oh my goodness! She began giving me detail by detail of how she told him it's not a good move for him, that since he already had two wives that he messed up with he doesn't need anothet one, that he would not be able to adjust to a wife getting on him about "pick up your shoes" etc. She mentioned to him that what he needs to do is just live his life, etc. 

Now. Where is all of this coming from? This: She told me flat out that he's her "pickup man." That she depends on him to do for her, take her to doctor appts, etc. She admitted that her nephew and son who lives by very close can and does do those things for her at times, but J is the utmost one. I understand completely the closenesd she feels for her son, because when one of my sons married in 2006, I was a nervous wreck because i knew that our relationship would never be the same, seeing another woman would be in the picture, a woman who would, quite naturally, come before me. But the opposite happened. While yes, my son and i relationship did change, it changed for the better because this other woman, my daughter-in-law, made it so! 😀

I don't know, presently, what to do. I am certain of one thing though, and that is I'm definitely going to at least try to, move. I'm also definitely going to take my driving lessons. I think she's going by her experiences with her own marriage which ended in her husband's death. 

Look! J is 76, and I'm 69 for cryin' out loud! We're not even close to being spring chickens. And now Im beginning to understand why he didn't respond to my text yesterday. Or maybe because it wasn't in a question form, as opposed to just a picture of something I saw online, I included a few words about it and that was that. The last text was in question form, more like i was upset about something and he readily responded. But I'm sure he read it. 

Anyway, that's the latest.

 

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