• Announcements

    • KC

      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

      Be informed on better ways to stay safe on the web -- Source: Mozilla
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Guest Guest

In love but we're both married with children

7 posts in this topic

My cousin and I have been really close our whole lives. When I was little I actually said I was going to marry him someday and was devastated when I was told it was a sin and I wasn't allowed. All through life we stayed close and never actually voiced how we felt until recently. I just moved back to our home state and was very happy to see him again. Both he and I are married now and we both have children, but while his wife and kids  were away he and I spent a few days together and everything finally came out and we couldn't help ourselves. We're both fixed and can't have anymore children so that's not a concern but our family is very baptist and I don't think it would be received well. Nor do I think our respective spouses would understand. I'm also concerned about our kids and how they would be treated by others at school etc. ever since he's all I can think about. Right now we're keeping it in the closet so to speak but I feel wrong about having an affair and guilty because it was ingrained in us to think that it's incest. What should I do

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 You should feel guilty, you're both married so you you off limits to each other.  Having a romantic relationship with your cousin is nothing to feel guilty about, but cheating on your husband with your cousin definitely is.

Of course your spouses won't understand, your family would be upset about the two of you having affairs (cousin factor aside) and your children would be devastated to know that you were so selfish that you threw away your family for a fantasy. 

It's time to grow up.  Either focus on repairing your marriage or get out.  But don't come here thinking that we will rubber stamp your extramarital fling simply because the fling is with your cousin.  

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You misunderstand I know that having an affair is wrong. I also know that if it weren't for the fact that until recently I though I would burn in hell for feeling that way about him we would have been together long before now. So I'm not looking for judgement about having an affair nor do I want to be "patted on the back" and told that it's ok. I'm simply looking for advice from someone who might have avoided being with their soulmate for fear for burning for eternity, to find out later in life that might not be the case and maybe some insight on how to manage those feelings. Neither mine nor his marriage is "not working" and both of our spouses are good people and even so we both still feel that "something is missing" that were satisfied but not truly happy. I apologize if I offended anyone it wasn't my intent. I just had a bit of hope that I wasn't alone in my situation. 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you both feel that "something is missing" then maybe you need to look harder within your

own marriages for what it might be.

 

I agree with Serendipity on her advice. To continue to keep this as a secret will only lead to

add fuel to the fire so to speak. Break the contact now and figure out what is not good in your marriage

and attempt to repair it. If it is not repairable then you owe it to your husband to tell him what is going on and

let him be the one to decide if he is interested in continuing the marriage.  I see the potential for a huge train wreck here.

 

I think you are putting too much time thinking about what your children may face and what your family will think.

There are more considerations to worry about at this time.

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

does it really matter that you've been told incorrectly that it is a sin to love a cousin? not really. because the here and no of the situation is that adultery is a sin... so he is still off limits to you. this time for legitimate reasons.

there is no easy advice for ho to manage those feelings. the only GOOD advice is to simply not act on them. you've already broken your vows but that doesn't give you a right to continue breaking them. and nobody is buying the "we can't help it' excuse. you could help it, you chose not to. you chose selfishly. the question is, how will you choose from here on out? maybe what is 'missing' is your willingness to focus on your marriage instead of yourself. marriage isn't all wine and roses. but if ya prune those thorns together, you'll end up with a far more beautiful life than you think you will.

having been raised in church, you know the story i'm about to remind you of. Jesus told the adulteress to go, and sin no more. that is where you are now. are you going to obey His command? or are you going to pursue your desires with no regard to how it hurts your spouses and children?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you can please remove my account from this site unfortunately I think I made a mistake looking for advice here. I know adultry is a sin im a "preachers kid" and I know the train wreck that could insue should we continue (it's only been the once).  we are both on our second marriages and know how that could affect our children (as in any divorce) I was more looking for for people who like us fought against how we've always felt because we were told it was wrong. Maybe y'all are right. Not everyone gets to be with their soulmate, and maybe this is true for us. But thank you all for listening  

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Ewok83 said:

I'm simply looking for advice from someone who might have avoided being with their soulmate for fear for burning for eternity, to find out later in life that might not be the case and maybe some insight on how to manage those feelings.

This doesn't really matter.  This statement could've been me.  I didn't act on feelings for my cousin for a long time because I was convinced it was wrong.  Decades passed, marriages ended and we both found each other again.  

Surely you know how to manage unwanted sexual feelings?  Delete all his contact info, unfriend him on social media, avoid him in social settings.  Easy? No.  

If you focus on your marriage perhaps you can rekindle your commitment.  And if you are putting all of your effort into restoring your marriage, you won't have time to fantasize about another man.  

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Reply to this topic...

×   You have pasted content with formatting.   Remove formatting

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0