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      Get Smart on the Web   09/16/2016

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Guest Morgan

The attraction is there...but does that mean he wants to do something about it?

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My cousin and I are attracted to each other. The thing is, when I was younger, though I was extremely attracted to him, it would have petrified me if he made a move. Now that I'm older, I am very open to the idea of getting more intimate, but how can I tell if he feels the same?

It's one thing if he's attracted to me, it's another if he wants to do something about it. What would be a good sign or even approach to see if he is okay with taking things to the next level? The attraction is there, but the intention to go further may not be, and I wouldn't want to make things awkward or make him feel uncomfortable in any way.

Thanks so much!

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Morgan,

 I suppose it depends on how old the two of you are now. If you're still in your teens, my advice is going to be dramatically different than if you two are even 21/22 ish. If you are both available, and in your 30's or beyond, it will be a little more involved. It is also going to depend on where you live, so as to determine if there is the possibility of legal drama. I can have a little peek, (and did) and if our look-up is correct, where you are, it is perfectly legal. So, one potential problem out of the way. Now, do tell how old the two of you are, and we'll try to take it from there.....

 

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We are both late twenties :) and thanks for taking the time! We both live in different countries though, legal in both :) 

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Morgan,

 To break the ice, there is not much better than what we call the "old tried and true" method of saying "If you weren't my cousin, I'd ______ (date you, be your GF, go out with you)". Fill in the blank to fit your particular situation at the time. If he responds similarly, you can step it up with something like "Actually, it doesn't really bother me so much that we ARE cousins. I probably would anyhow." If he reacts badly, you can always use the out of saying "I did say IF, you know. IF we weren't cousins.....". It still gives him something to think about, and you should not be surprised if at some point in the future, he didn't come back and say "You know, I've been thinking about this cousin thing, and..........". Maybe even after he looked into it, and found his way here. It wouldn't be the first time. If it gets to the point, then, at late 20's, you two are certainly old enough to have what we around here call "The Talk". You have an adult conversation about just where you think you would like to go with a relationship, then go there......

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How clever! I never thought of that. Actually he has said similar things, such as "Why can't there be more women like you?" or "I need a girl like you, you're so XYZ (a quality he likes in me)." I wonder if he is testing me also. I'm more oblivious to these things than I would like to be. Usually I play it off as nothing because I assume men don't like me until they flat out declare it -- either verbally or obvious body language. 

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