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Guest Britishgirl

6 years and I'm still hurting!!

3 posts in this topic

Hi guys,

I had a romance with my cousin 6 years ago and that resulted in a beautiful little girl who is my world. Our romance ended because the stigma related to be being in a relationship with your cousin. It was never common knowledge and many people did not find out who my daughters dad was until after she was born. He is a great dad and has our daughter every weekend. I wanted to be with him back then but he was ashamed of the fact that we are cousins and said our family wouldn't accept it. I knew they would. I waited for years for him to come round and he never did but he's always told me he loves me and that he is sorry. Even to this day.  I am hopelessly in love with him and he is constantly on my mind. I am in another relationship and so is he. My other half is perfect he loves me and my daughter unconditionally and has been there for me through everything. I don't understand why I can just be in love with my boyfriend like I am in love with my cousin. I'm getting married in 10 weeks and I'm an emotional wreck. My brain is working overtime and I keep crying and thinking about my cousin. I am in love with my cousin, he is the other half of me and I have never felt this connected to anyone else. Should I cancel my wedding? Me and cousin will never happen and in my eyes my partner is my opportunity to have a happy life with someone I love and care about - but my heart isn't solely his! My cousin is getting a little emotional too. He hasn't told me not to go through with it but he has been getting emotional asking me questions and then not wanting to know for example he text me asking me what songs we were having then messaged straight after saying I hope none of our songs and then text again saying I'm sorry I'm being silly. A few weeks back he kissed me so passionately, he had tears in his eyes and said I don't want things to be this way I'm sorry and walked off. But he never took that chance with me, he was always too scared and it was easier to just be with the girl he is with now and was with before me (same girl). It's too late now for me and my cousin so why I can't let him go? I don't want to cry for him anymore. I don't want to yearn for him and hurt over him anymore. But it's hard when I see him all the time.

 

I've had enough of the pain

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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you definitely should cancel the wedding. if you can't love your husband the ay he deserve, then don't make that commitment.

and if your cousin ha hi daughter every weekend, surely the family realize no that he i her father. so why can't he commit to you if that' out in the open?

it suck to be alone. but don't marry someone unless you can really love him completely. anything else would be cruel and would end in divorce anyway.

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Have you ever taken control of the situation and talked to your cousin directly?  Find a time when you can.  Tell him that it's past time the two of you had a heart to heart.  Don't let his fear of the conversation rule the moment.  If you can get to a point where you can hash things out, talk openly about the stigma of cousin relationships, show him this site with its facts and real life relationships, admit that the love is still palpable between you two, and talk like adults, maybe, just maybe you can try to take a chance together.

There is no guarantee that he will be willing to embark on a real relationship with you, but without the conversation there is no way to know for sure.

And LadyC is right about your upcoming marriage.  It is not fair to your fiance' for you to harbor such intense feelings for another man, and you should call things off.  There is no way you can think clearly about anything while your mind is in such an uproar.    

Once you have spoken candidly with your cousin, you will have a better idea of how to proceed.  If the conversation is favorable, great!  If not, take some time to mourn the loss, get your head on straight and then you can make decisions about your future with a clear mind.

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