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Guest Aiden Jones

Different reasons

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Well first off, hi everyone. I'm 33, born and raised in America. I was in counseling in part because of abusive relationships, but at some point I worked up the ability to tell my counselor about the story I'm about to tell here. Surprisingly, she saw nothing wrong with it, and has even encouraged it to some extent. The one thing she's asked me to do is tell my story to someone else, if for no other reason, to get it off my chest. I've told my closest friend who's always suspected we were involved anyway. So here we go.

I met my cousin Dawn when I was 16. She is 2 years older than me. I was attracted to her, much more than anyone I'd dated before. We hit it off right away, liked all the same things, both have a similar warped sense of humour. I've been raised to believe it's wrong to be involved with family so I didn't come forward about my feelings for a long time. In fact it was only three years ago.

Along with our chemistry from the start, there were many moments that made me consider telling her. The first happened only a few months after I met her. She moved from a different state and lived with my parents and I during the time. My parents were on vacation and we had another cousin stating the night playing video games with me. The following morning he tried to wake me up at 7 in the morning after going to bed at 3am. I was having none of it, then dawn came upstairs to wake us up and tell us there was breakfast ready. The other cousin knowing I slept naked told dawn to look, and ripped the sheet off me exposing me to her. She looked for what felt like minutes. Skip ahead to that night. We had to drop off the other cousin at his home.

On the way back, we're listening to a CD I burnt. It had comedy stuff on it, mostly new Adam Sandler music. A song from him comes on called medium pace. It starts out as a verycheesyt romantic song. We'd never heard it before this. We come to a stop and she compliments me on my body. A million thoughts of varying levels of inappropriate things to say are running through my mind. I'm so nervous though all I did was look at the floor of her jeep and say thanks. She tells me I'm really cute when I'm nervous. Butterflies are flapping hard in my stomach, I look at her and she's looking at me. We're both moving in for a kiss. Then the song turns into a super raunchy and loud song. We start laughing so hard we were both crying. Moment killed, and we didn't talk about it for many years.

We had many moments happen over the years but that was the biggest. One more was a few years after that, I spent the night at her place. She'd had a child by this point and was pregnant with her second. She had just ended her relationship with the father and I came over to comfort her. We would both do this for each other when relationships ended. Sit and talk, play video games. That night, I woke up around midnight, went to the bathroom and took care of myself. When I finished, she was standing at the door. She asked me to check her bed cause she thought she saw a spider. She is very afraid of them. I checked and there was none, I'd climbed into the middle of her bed and my eyes had adjusted to the dark enough to see she has nothing on. I mentioned it and she asked if that was a problem. I said no and complimented her body like she had years before. She asked if I wanted to sleep in her bed and I did. We cuddled all night, but nothing happened.

Skip ahead to almost three years ago. Just before my 30th birthday, I had just been broken up with by one of the first women aside from her I'd ever felt romantic love for. I went to spend the night and game and drink. Our usual routine by this point for dealing with break ups. I'd ask but given up on the idea of anything happening by this point with her. I hadn't even fantasized about her in a few years. Her sister is there when I get there, they're having a conversation about teasing one of my friends who's always Wanted to have sex with her. For whatever reason this instantly caused all those thoughts and feelings to come back stronger than ever. After her sister left, she sent her kids to the neighbors to spend the night. It was just her and I, and I decided to go for it. If it backfires I can blame it on being drunk even though I wasn't at all, I'd only had a couple beers.

I said "you know my friend isn't the only person you teased." She said she wasn't teasing me. She didn't want to say anything but she'd always wanted to be with me, but she didn't know if I felt the same. I said I felt exactly the same and was too afraid she'd reject me. She brings up the first part of the story I told and said I wish you'd told me then, we had two weeks alone to do anything. She asks me for a favor. I said name it. She asks me not to just have sex, that she wanted to make love, because no guy has ever done anything more than go right for sex with her. We spent hours that night exploring each other. I asked if I could stay the whole weekend and she said I could. At the end of the weekend she asked if any of it felt weird. I told her I've never felt more right or natural with anyone. I told her I love her and have for years, and she said while she loves me the same, we could never truly be in a relationship and she would never allow it to be anything more than a sexual relationship. I was heart broken but I understood that had to be the reality of our relationship.

Over the next two years we were together every chance we had, but it had to be kept quiet. We had made a rule that if either of us got in a relationship we would have to stop. Last year we both ended up in a relationship at almost the same time. We're still very close but not involved like that anymore. Deep down I wish we were.

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