Guest Crystyle112

Cousin Love?

8 posts in this topic

Hi I joined this site because I have fell in love or lust with my male second cousin. I am 31, he is 20. It started when I started to have car trouble and he came and got me to take me to work. I just thought he was sooo attractive and found myself instantly attracted. However I am in a relationship but I am not married. My cousin and I talk almost every day. I love communicating with him and thinking og him makes me happy. But just recently I asked if he could see himself being serious with me and he said he doesnt know because he is worried abt what our family will say. When he said that it hurt me a little and I wanted to cry but I let him know we can always be friends and no pressure... But he calls and texts me everyday 😘. Is this cousin love worth pursuing or should I wait till he is older. Comments and advice are needed please. Thank you

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It's really up to both of you because you both choose your future, no one else should but you two. If you love the person you're with then stay with him but if you're more in love with your 2nd cousin then be with him.

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Thank you Sergio(1998) for taking the time to read and post to my comments. As an update I went to church with my great Aunt, my second cousin, and his mom on this past Sunday. However, my second cousin acted like he didnt want to be around me, he sat far away and when it was hugging time for Benediction he didnt give me a hug😳. I know I am the one in a relationship but my feelings have gotten stronger. Anyway I like dang really. So i texted him just now and  told him how he acted like he didnt want to be around me. He said he text and talk to ppl all day but he stay in his room and keep to himself. I texted and said oh ok cool. I aint trying to change him but he went from texting to this. My heart is hurt a little well my feelings. So I thought the best thing to do is not pursue him as much. Text him and stuff but I dont want it to be awkward around each other at all. What do you think. Any advice and/or comments are welcome

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On 8/15/2016 at 4:48 PM, Crystyle112 said:

Thank you Sergio(1998) for taking the time to read and post to my comments. As an update I went to church with my great Aunt, my second cousin, and his mom on this past Sunday. However, my second cousin acted like he didnt want to be around me, he sat far away and when it was hugging time for Benediction he didnt give me a hug😳. I know I am the one in a relationship but my feelings have gotten stronger. Anyway I like dang really. So i texted him just now and  told him how he acted like he didnt want to be around me. He said he text and talk to ppl all day but he stay in his room and keep to himself. I texted and said oh ok cool. I aint trying to change him but he went from texting to this. My heart is hurt a little well my feelings. So I thought the best thing to do is not pursue him as much. Text him and stuff but I dont want it to be awkward around each other at all. What do you think. Any advice and/or comments are welcome

I think that you should act like friends and leave your relationship and wait over time then tell him how you feel. My feelings for my 2nd cousin are strong but i haven't told her how much I love her more than family more than anything else. Make your 2nd cousin feel like he can trust you and have a great communication between each other. But i don't really know anything else but tell him how you feel when you know you and him are ready.

I'm 17 so think about it. How/what/why/when would you ask someone you fell in love with. Why it matters ask that to your self and find the answers. Then my friend you find the truth in your mind and heart.

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Thank you Sergio for your reponse. So are you saying I should leave my current relationship? Because my second cousin knows how I feel. That day I last texted him he gave one word response and I felt like he didnt want to text or talk to me. I mean for a whole week he texted and called me and now he doesnt contact me...? To me that is not showing he cares...it made me sad and I was angry at him. He knows I like him and that I am attracted to him. I havent seen or talk to him since Monday. I am not really angry at him but I am not really happy with him for how he treated me. What do you think? Am I overreacting or is this worth it? Any comments and/or advice is appreciated.

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I disagree with Sergio's advice to leave the current relationship.

Why?  Because you have no real proof or indication that your cousin is interested in you

as far as a real relationship goes. In fact you said he "is not showing he cares". I think

you have your answer on that. He knows how you feel and now it is time to just let it be.

If he has any interest, at some point in time you will know. Don't pressure him, don't contact

him. He has your information. He is still young and though an adult, the age difference is

quite large at this time. He is still learning who he is. And most 20 year olds I know are NOT

interested in long term relationships yet.  Also you did say you just met him, kind of soon to be declaring

that you are in love with him.

If you aren't happy in the current relationship, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to end it.

However if the only reason you would entertain leaving it is for your cousin, I think you would be

very sorry in the end. 

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Thank you Romalee I agree wholeheartedly with your advice. Though he said he likes me I have no real proof he likes me and yes he still young so I know he dont want a long term relationship yet. Yes I just met him. I just felt an attraction towards him for some reason. I think it is best that I keep it cousinly with him. Though he did text me today two short messages. But I was getting ahead of myself I need to be patient and wait this out. Thanks Romalee

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Crystyle112, I know you messaged me with this content, but I've not been online for several days and am just now seeing all this, so I'll give you my 2 cents worth here.

Your cousin is 20 and is acting like a 20 year old.  An attraction to an older cousin may seem a bit exciting to him, but he is not going to be serious about a relationship with you.  

You are not doing yourself or your BF any justice by staying together.  The fact that you would entertain thoughts of dumping him for someone else means that you would rather be with someone, anyone, than to be alone, and that is not fair to him.  Nor is it fair to you.  Attractions to others do not go away simply because we are in a LTR (married or dating), but how we respond to them does (or at least should) change depending on our commitment level.

If his fear of what others may think is driving his decision not to pursue a relationship with you, then bring him to this site,  He can see first hand how common 2nd cousin relationships and marriages are and can educate himself on the facts,  Sometimes knowing that others are walking the same path makes the road easier to navigate.  

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