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First cousin marriage legal or illegal in India?


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  • Moderator

Navi.

Did you not see where our Mod Romalee asked you NOT to post your e-mail address? I'm going to remove it, and if you do it again, I will whack you with the banhammer. Don't do dat....

We are not being mean, it is for your own protection. You open yourself up to spam and blackmail. We won't be a party to that. I have MOST, but not ALL, of the spam bots blocked from here, but there are still some I'm having difficulty keeping out. They will glean your e-mail and load you up with crap. Should someone in your family or circle of friends stumble in here as a result of knowing your situation, and recognize your e-mail, they could blackmail or otherwise cause you grief. Don't post e-mail addresses openly.

We also strongly advise against what you have in mind. We consider it extremely ill-advised, and not an acceptable long term solution. We also realize how desperate you (and others in your situation) are, and realize we cannot stop you. IF YOU MUST follow this course, join, and ask for PMs.

Hawk

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am also in love with my 1st cousin . I am hindu from bengal and our religion and family will not support this . Please help me friends . Contact me and give me suggestion . I can not live without her . If I settle myself in South India then will it be allowed to marry my cousin . I will get hardly 3-4 years . She is the daughter of my maternal uncle ( mother's elder brother ) . She also love me very much and we can not live without each other . Please friend let help each other and get our love .

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Guest nolove0987

Before you take any major step sit and talk to her, know what she wants and if she is ready for it. Don't take it too lightly, your whole life depends on your decision. Look at the consequences, before you tell anyone. You might have to leave your family for good which is not an easy thing to do. Honour killing is very common and n India, those things are scary. Your and her life will be ruined, people will make fun of her if you left her after telling everyone.

I have been through a lot of crap. I learned a lot of lessons good and bad, my relationship with my parents grew even stronger. Its not like I hate my cousin, its just we both can't leave our families. I feel like it was/is/whatever  a strong infatuation, which I don't regret. We did not spend much time together, I don't know much about his life.

After having bad experience in two relationships (cousin and one other), I am scared of romace lol. Before, I carried my heart on sleeves and now I am on a break from two years lol.

I regret being so immature at that time for trusting family and friends.

I would suggest not to do what I did, otherwise you will end up having bitter feelings for everyone. I did not achieve anything but hatred.

I hope your cousin will talk to you nicely because only she can understand your feelings. Before eloping or even telling about your plans to anyone make sure that she is ready too.  :smiley: I hope it helped.

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Thank U mam for Your kind reply . Whenever we spent times before our relationship both of us felt so magical and someday I told her " I can not live without U and she also replied same " . Both of us have very strong feelings for each other . We use to say if we can not live together we will die together . But I can not let her die so easily . She is my life . I want to do each and every possible things to keep her happy . Even we are ready to change our religion to live together . But I want her happy and also will try to keep everyone happy . Please mam give me some advice as both of us have strong feelings and can not live without each other . Almost everyone of our family dont know our relations . I have already got a job ( software engineer ) and will start my job from next year . So Please advice us how should we progress and when should we tell our family

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hello I am new to this site, but i'm finally glad to have found it. I married my first cousin last week and some family are just flipping out. but we have been a secret for way to long. we are happy can you share your experiences with us ? we want to meet others like us, we feel like outcast at times.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest nolove0987

Hey I am sorry for the late reply.

I can feel your pain. Best option for the two of you is to migrate to a new country, where cousin marriage is legal. You should not change your religion, even if you do still there is a high risk of your family hiring someone for honour killing. As long as you are in India you two are not safe, if not your family then your relatives will do something stupid to you.

In my case, the main objection from parents is "what other people will think or say". I told my family that I am not getting married, not until I fall in love with someone (p.s. I'm in mid 20's)

My cousin is scared of me lol. Before I stopped talking to my cousin, we both decided that we have to stop it. He said it first, I just supported him in his decision, I was hurt so I moved on thinking I will forget him. Well, he can't blame me now (I know he hates me), but he said he will get married to someone else (I was hurt lol). So, I moved on and I was loyal with the other person but he knew I liked my cousin. We were together for almost a year and a half, he never loved me and I guess I never loved him (other person), we were and still are just good friends. We brokeup in Jan 2013 and now he has a 9 months old daughter. He was a lesson for me, I realized that I should not waste someone's or my time if I don't love that person. So I suggest, don't move on with someone else assuming that you will fall in love with time (that would be the dumbest move ever, so what will happen if the other person stop loving you?)

Well, if you really love each other then be practical. Move out to a new country before other people find out about your love life. Tbh, I myself don't know what is wrong with my life. Its not like I didn't try moving on, I was dead serious n never looked back, but the other guy found his love while he was with me :(. I did not create much drama about it, he has the right to love and to be happy. But, I failed in past relationships n that sucks!

Majority of people in Indian community are narrow minded! They won't understand cousin love or even accept it. Don't waste your time in India, if you can leave your high profile job to settle down in a small town somewhere in remote areas of India, only then you can live carefree and a happy life with your cousin. I know it might sound funny, but be practical. In the name of 'honour' people can do anything, yes I mean ANYTHING.

You are lucky that your cousin is supportive, in my case he likes to run away from me lol, as if I am going to eat him alive  :shocked:. But, seriously I think I know how he feels. I want to understand 'the thing' between us. I wish he cooperats (I highly doubt it), I have wasted someone's time and life once n I don't want to repeat the same mistake. I want to know what he thinks or feels n how can we resolve this issue. It has been many years we didn't talk at all, but it seems like we talked yesterday lol. Sometimes I wonder it would be so nice if we forget about everything for sometime and just talk about us  :laugh:. I just want to share my feelings with someone who understands me without creating a drama :(. Its hard to trust people these days, since he has or had feelings for me, he will understand me without making fun of me. I tried talking to my cousin last year, he was expecting someone else. I wonder why do boys use same lines with everyone, that I never felt like this before with anyone else? Haha it was a funny conversation (for me) I knew who I was talking to but he didn't lol. I don't know his current status, well if he is in a relationship then good for him n I wish him all the best. My life is a mess ever since this all started, I just want a mature discussion with him to know what exactly is this 'thing' between us. I am still hoping that everything will fall into place.

Stay happy and enjoy talking for hours and hours lol. :) n move out asap. Don't tell anyone about your feeling, share your thoughts in CC.

Thank U mam for Your kind reply . Whenever we spent times before our relationship both of us felt so magical and someday I told her " I can not live without U and she also replied same " . Both of us have very strong feelings for each other . We use to say if we can not live together we will die together . But I can not let her die so easily . She is my life . I want to do each and every possible things to keep her happy . Even we are ready to change our religion to live together . But I want her happy and also will try to keep everyone happy . Please mam give me some advice as both of us have strong feelings and can not live without each other . Almost everyone of our family dont know our relations . I have already got a job ( software engineer ) and will start my job from next year . So Please advice us how should we progress and when should we tell our family

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  • 3 weeks later...

  Thank you for your kind reply and for the time you spent for us . I am really very sorry for your relationship with your cousin . I can understand your feelings as I am also in love with my cousin . I can understand the situation of your mind .

  Me and my cousin love each other very much . Both of us ready to scarify anything for each other . We can hardly spend a day without talking then how can we even think of spending our life without each other . We have no idea about the action our family will take when they will come to know about our relationship . I have told my mother about my feelings and I cant understand her reaction . At 1st she seemed to accept our relationship and said that she will also be happy if I am happy . But later she seems to be unhappy . Maybe she use to think what the other family member will feel if we got engaged and those thinking made her unhappy and now she does not talk with me properly . My relationship with my mother is become very much confusing as I think she loves me very much but can not understand why she is not even talking to me , May be family possible  problem is making her afraid about our relationship .

  My cousin says she loves me very much and she can even scarify her family . I also love her more than my life and I cant live without her . She is everything to me and I can not imagine my life without her . The imagination of my life without her lead me to a long duration of crying . I will surely die without her .

  One of your sentence I will always remember that if we leave each other by thinking about our family no one is going to be happy a bit . That will lead both of us to hate our family and also our life . We have decided if we cant be together we will die and it is our combined decision ( not any individuals ) . We are discussing about the solution U gave us about going to a foreign country .

  It is not only my own reply both of us is giving this reply to you as I am writing this reply and she is with me over phone . We use to talk hours at night and we use to wait for the time for the whole day .

  Thank you again for your reply and expecting some more reply from you about what should we do . Thanking you  .... R+D

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest nolove0987

Hello R&D,

I am sorry for the delayed response. I feel sorry for you two.

I understand how you guys feel, but first of all you two should stop thinking about suicide and all that crap. You have to understand that the death is not the solution to your problem. At first, you shouldn't have said anything to your mom and now you two have to be very careful.

I just hope that you two are fine, just be patient and assess all risks and benifits before you make any move. Critically analyze your situation and try to avoid or minimize any kind of risk which you and your gf might face.

But, whatever you do just do not kill yourself. You will not get this life ever again, there are always many other ways to deal with family dramas. Ending your life will be foolish.

I will make an account to send you private message. I really hope you didn't do anything stupid and you two are safe.

Warm wishes,

NL

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  Thank You again for your kind reply and I am also sorry for my late reply . Actually these days my mind is not good as I can not talk with my girlfriend for long times . She has no cellphone and she used to call me from her mom's mobile and now days she can not get her mom's mobile at night as her mom is keeping it with her at time of sleeping . And on the other hand I am in my village home to spend my Christmas holidays and I have to face my mom . She is angry and she is saying me continuously to leave her . She cries and torture me emotionally as she also loves me very much . But in any condition I can not leave her . So sometime the thought of suicide comes to our mind as both of us believe that if we can not live together we can die together . I am very lucky to have such a girlfriend . She use to say that she can do anything to live with me and I also want to keep her happy . I dont care about the society except my parents . I can fight against the whole world for her but I want that my parent should agree or at least they should not try to keep us separated . I always pray from god for her company through out my whole life .

  Now I want to know something different issues . I am a guy from north India and in our culture cousin marriage can not be supported but I do not bother much about the culture which try to keep my love separated from me . Now if we settle down in South India and become voter of there then can we marry without any law problem . My fear is about the girls parents or relatives if they complain about our marriage how can we be escaped . If one of us change our religion would it be accepted . If we plan to go to other countries for marry then there also we have to get the citizenship and there will be some problem with the visa she will issue as she can not stay for long without any reason and for that she have to get a job .Please guide us about these problems . I am studying about those in the internet and I think U have much more idea about those than me as U faced it earlier .

                                    Thanking U                                                                  R ( She is not with me over phone this time  :( )

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Guest nolove0987

hello Aindi, I am sorry I cannot expose my identity for anyone, due to privacy concerns.

Also, I don't know if moving to South will help you. Why do you want to kill yourself? I just hope that you are not inspired from Bollywood movies :(.

If you really want to be with her, then be practical, you have to stop thinking about suicide. Seek help from a counselor because clearly you are depressed.

If you continued talking about suicide, then I am sorry, I don't think I will give you any advise.

Whatever your family is doing to both of you, that is normal because you have disappointed them.

How old are you and how old is she?

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I am not inspired by bollywood movies at all and both of us know that suicide means defeat in the war of life . Both of us want to fight till our last breadth but if everything fails then our last hidden wish is to die together . If we can contact privately then may be I can better explain why we wish so . Please do not think that we are copying any movie and trying to act like that . And please do not stop helping then may be another 2 lifes will be destroyed . Look I use to talk as much truth as possible thats why I am saying these to U . We are not going to suicide so easily we believe in our love and so we believe in fighting for our love . It is not only my thinking it is thought of both of us . I am 20.5 and she is 17 and she will give H.S this year . We will not disclose anything to our relatives or parents till she become graduate so we have 3 years and some months . I have told my mom as I believed her and love her very much and I had a hidden believe that at least she will understand our love and my believe is still alive though my mom has act negatively about this . I still believe that one day she will understand our love as she also loves me very much . I love my cousin more than my life and I am very much afraid of her parents . I am a boy from a village and they are very rich and I dont know what will be their reaction . My cousin is not attached to her parents at all as they take a little care about her . So she is more attached with me and I also very much attached with her . ........ Please help us to make our love successful .                                              R .......

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Guest nolove0987

you two are young, don't do anything for another 2-3 years at least. Her parents won't do anything as long as they know that everything is under control. You will have to control yourself, if you continued pressurising your family, then they will decide to do something about it.

Also, you should not expose your email because if any of your friend or family member sees it, then you will be in trouble. U r putting her life in danger too. It is up to you now, whether you want to wait for 2-3 more years or you want to continue talking to her like before. I am not saying don't talk to her, but if you know it is love then she will understand this too. She has her whole life in front of her. Let her finish her college, till then keep it undercover.

I don't want to be with my cousin, too many complications plus if I really loved him I was not going to move on with someone else. Attraction between cousins is common, but it is not always love.

Good luck with everything and a happy new year.

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  Happy new year mam and thank U very much for spending your valuable time for us . No one knows about that email-id except me and her so no problem of identity publication . And I am not pressuring my family I have just told my mom as I believed her a lot . And I am not going to make our relationship public as I am only concern about her as she is not independent . Only 2 - 3 friends of mine know about this and I believe them a lot . From this July or august I will be almost independent as I will start my job . So from my side there will no problem but I will not pressurize her any day . It is her life and I have no right to destroy her life so I will let her think freely and take the decision . But as per me if I have understand her a little I know she can hardly leave me as she also loves me . Talk of separation between us make her cry a lot . As I started this relationship and I think I love her from the core of my heart I will wait for her till my death . May be those talk of waiting seems like fool but still these talk are coming from my heart  and I will do this . And I have a strong belief on her that she also loves me and will come to me after her graduation .

  Now I am seeking help on those matters that if she come to me after her graduation ( that is after 3- 4 years ) how can I keep her near me and I have not to say that our love is not possible so she have to return to her parents and live her life with someone else . So I want to know how the problem of legality can be solved . I dont want to make her cry . If her mind change in future then its ok I will not bind her as I love her and want her happiness . But if she want to stay with me then I want to take all her responsibility and also the responsibility to solve the whole matter by myself and keep her happy .

  I know you are thinking we are too small to understand the difference between crush and love may be you are right we are too small but still I love her . Her home is 1500 km away from my place and there is no guarantee that when I can see her next . So we have only our talking nothing else and we can hardly stop this . We have mate only 3 times before we come in this relationship . So now I want to solve the whole matter by myself so that she has not to suffer more . If she wants to stay with me with a believe that I love her and I will let her stay with me then I have to do that without any law problem . Family can be managed later 1st we have to know about the law problems and their solutions . Please help us if U can believe that I really love her and love among the cousin is not a sin .

    Happy new year mam . May god give U a lot of happiness . If U have seen my email-id then U can mail me also .Hope U can understand our feelings

                                                                                                                                                          R ......

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator

aindi, as a mod I have removed your post containing your email.

we do not advocate posting such informtion on the site.

Mostly for your own safety.

If you want to get in touch with a poster try the personal message way.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Senior Member

aindi,

I removed your post with the link to the Facebook group for several reasons:

First, this forum is already a place for the discussion of that very topic.  The fragmentation and redundancy makes it harder to find solid facts or meaningful discussion.  While we don't claim to have the world's foremost experts on the topic, I think you'll find better overall sources here than on Facebook, where disinformation and misinformation reigns supreme.

Second, the Facebook page is wide open on a site where some folks may unwittingly expose themselves. Some folks are using secondary profiles with fake names (and possibly fake pictures) but some are not.  While this is certainly an individual decision, some folks who have no intention of exposing themselves may join the group and not realize that they have just "let the cat out of the bag" well before they intended to.

Bottom line: For the safety of our visitors, we generally don't allow links to email addresses or other things that could bait our visitors into trouble they didn't plan for.

Please don't do it again without consulting with the admins directly.

Best wishes,

CM

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